Chapter 5: Confused

Charlie moaned softly as she rolled out of her bed. She could barely remember what had happened after the fight the night before. She could only remember that she had been following RFK for about ten minutes when he heard a noise in the bushes from a squirrel and turned to look. He spotted Charlie behind him and feared that she was following him.
Without warning, a huge fight broke out between them. Charlie’s lips curled into a sneer as she remembered how formidable of a foe he had been. Even at Fifty one years old, he was quicker on his feet than she had expected. He had caused her a great deal of pain and effort, but she had still been a little quicker.
The fight lasted for over an hour, she speculated, and although she hadn't been aware that he had been equipped with any, he had fought skillfully with blades. She had found herself having to duck out of the way quite a bit more than usual, and after having knocked him on his back, Charlie had pulled out her father’s long blade. The silver of and the single large emerald of the hilt shone in the moonlight as she raised it over his chest. As her wounds ached, and her head throbbed, she yelled out into the night... “This one is for my family!!!!!”
She had left the body ‘neath an old oak tree and started home, but fainted somewhere along the way from loss of blood. She had absolutely no recollection of getting home.
She cautiously crawled out of bed and noted that she was still in last night’s clothing.
She listened closely and heard Maurly coming down the hallway, Jaenes and one other, male voice, in the living area.
Charlie checked to make sure that all of her blades were still where she had remembered leaving them. She considered going out to meet them, but, trusting Jaenes, she goes to the bathroom to clean the blades instead. Then, after polishing her father’s swords until they shone, and placed them back into their respective places in the cabinet, grabbed out a small, thin, six inch blade in case there were issues, slipped it into her hip sheath, and ventured out into the living area.

Reviews

[freelancejouster]

notes as i read: fifty one should be fifty-one.

todd's right, a battle is a lot to leave out. if you're going to remember it from the night after, at least describe the climax maybe, the few sword swipes before she knocks him down. gory descriptions of his decapitation maybe? ;) ...and with her being an assassin, i don't think that she would be so accepting of others just in her house...

with a little development, this short chapter could be brilliant :)

[Meat of Dog]

I think that skipping the battle is kind of a lot to leave out. At least draw it out a little more in her description. This fight is a pretty big deal for the reader, especially if they really like or identify with Charlie. Otherwise this is a nice, quick move along chapter of the story. I'm curious if something will happen in the living room with Jaenes.

other suggestions:
-"Charlie moans softly as she rolls out of her bed." you broke the past tense again here.

-"This one is for my family!!!!!” I think there is enough emphasis of her desires by the pure fact that her family was murdered by this person, so only one question mark is needed. Also, it is grammatically incorrect to use punctuation that way, as well a the common ' !? '

[Coyote Poetry]

Could use more description of the battle. Is he dead? A very fast chapter. You put a lot of story in this one chapter. I will read on and find out what happen?
Coyote