Chapter 4: A Fateful night

Charlie woke to the sound of Maurly howling at the moon through the windows. She sighed and sat up, stretched, and then slid out of bed. She slipped her feet into her slippers and walked to her bathroom. She combed her long hair back into a high pony, and then pulled the black velvet ribbon out of the drawer. Then, she wrapped one ribbon around each arm for extra protection.
Charlie went back to her room and pulled on her jeans, then pulled her leather jacket and a fresh tank top over her underclothes.
Maurly howled again impatiently, and Charlie sighed. She was and letting him out and filling the water dish, when she heard the Assassins of Justice beeper go off in her room. She hurried back to her room, checked the number, then called Jaenes.
Jaenes notified Charlie that the man who had killed her family, (who was known as RFK) was going to be having a drink at the local bar, Derek’s Drinks, at nine p.m. tonight, and then taking a walk in the park afterwards, which was customary for him.
Charlie thanked her mentor and hung up, then pulled her boots on, gathered the sharpest and most accurate blades that her father had given her, and placed them in their sheaths. She put on her wrist braces and walked out the door, closing it quietly. The damp leaves and fallen twigs beneath her feet added a sense of serenity before the storm.  The damp mildewed smell of the forest welcomed her, seeming to try to seduce her into abandoning her mission.   As she walked across the street to the bar, she reached into her pocket and ran her fingers over the intricate designs of her favorite throwing blade. Following the loops and swirls of the silver relaxed her some, and she pulled her hand out of her pocket and tightened her jacket as she entered the bar. She chose a seat near the door in the shadows. She glanced around the bar until she spotted RFK. Her breath caught in her chest and her mouth went dry when she saw the face of the man who killed her family. He was ruthlessly aged, with deep lines and tired eyes. From the looks of him, one could say that he wasn’t useful for much. But to the trained eye of an assassin, the small bulge of a handgun in his pocket told a different story. From this, Charlie deduced that he was still actively assassinating.
After a half hour or so, Charlie watched as RFK paid for his drink and left the bar to go for his nightly walk. Charlie waited impatiently the five seconds that is appropriate before following him.
As she stepped out to the bar, she collided with a young man who was walking into the bar. She muttered an apology, stepped out of his way, and rubbed her forehead. She winced slightly as she felt a bruise already start to form.
Charlie cursed under her breath and hurried to catch up with RFK. Knowing it wouldn’t be without giving herself away, she decided to get creative. She walks down to the other end of the park, knowing that the sidewalk route is shorter than the scenic park route. She turns down the path, walking briskly. Seeing him ahead of her, she forces herself to take a deep breath and walk past him. Once they had passed each other, without making it obvious, she waited a couple of seconds and then turns back around to follow him.

Reviews

[freelancejouster]

notes as i read: is there ribbon around her hair or...? the ribbons confuse me. um. did she put on the jacket before her tank top? " She was and letting him out and filling the water dish" are you missing a word? is the young man important in any way besides that Charlie runs into him? your tenses are changing in the last paragraph, make sure you stick to one.

this is brilliant, the suspense and shortness of this chapter just serve to push the reader to go farther into the story. great hooks.

[Meat of Dog]

I like the opening line of Maurly howling at the moon, despite being in the house. A lot of people tend to think a domesticated wolf would act like a dog, as oppose to exhibiting natural behaviors (which is not the case). That added a sense of realism right off the bat. This chapter was short, but deliberate. I like that it was pointed and moved the story along quickly, due to the exposition having been discussed already in the last chapter.

I like the sense that RFK looks nonthreatening with age, because it adds an element of suspense, because of his hidden deadly potential. I'm interested to know what he is capable of compared to her. Keep it up! I'll be excited to read the next chapter

other suggestions:
- I would add a little bit to her walking to the bar. I liked the pace of this chapter, but since she lives out in the woods, that is a bit much to chop out. Personal opinion.
-"Once they had passed each other, without making it obvious, she waits a couple of seconds and then turns back around to follow him." Turned and waited. This sentence does not keep with the past tense of the rest of this story.

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good chapter. I like how she stalk her prey. She is using common sense. Never underestimate your enemy. Better to know the strength and weaknesses before attacking. A excellent chapter.
Coyote