Chapter 1: The Beginning- sort of...

Chapter 1: The Beginning- sort of...

A Chapter by Cocoacandy

On a warm sunny morning in a city in the middle of nowhere, Charlie walked quickly through the forest. She kept her head down, her long black hair falling in front of her face and keeping people from paying any attention. Though it was warm, she pulled her jacket tighter, shivering slightly and keeping her hands shoved into her pockets.
She kept to the edge of the path, and didn’t seem to notice the branches that brushed her arm, or the people who enjoyed the day in the picnic area.
She was an odd sight to anyone who noticed her, with her black stiletto boots, leather coat over a strappy green and black top, and dark pants, walking silently over the damp leaves on the path. She reached the edge of the forest, instead of following the park path out to the street, she took a left and headed into the heart of the woods. She sighed to herself as she reached the dark serenity of the trees, and slowed her pace, lifting her head to admire the nature.
After a few minutes, she came to a small cabin with no path around it. In fact, it looked like it had fallen right out of the sky and landed in a forest.
It was a quaint little hut, with two windows and a small wooden door, with a small grey picket fence around it. The cabin was dark, with black paint and blood red shutters. The forest invaded the boundaries of the fence and tapped at the windows.
Charlie walked through the gate and went inside her modest home, closing the door behind her. To her right, was a doorway to a small kitchen, with a wash basin, a stove, and a mini fridge. She called out to her pet wolf, Maurly, and received the wolf with a scratch on the head, and then filled his water dish for him.
At the end of the hallway was her bathroom. To the right was a small bed with a tree trunk-style frame, and a thin blanket. To the left was a small living area with a single couch and a side table, with a fur rug in the center. On the opposite side of that room was a wood fireplace, with a large hearth.
She entered her bathroom and ran a warm bath in her huge ornate clawfoot tub. She walked back out to the door and hung her jacket on the coat rack, and then let Maurly out to hunt.
Once back in her bathroom, she left the door open and kicked off her boots, then removed her small silver blade from its calf-sheath. The she took out her shining wax and waxed the blade until it shone. She set the blade on the sink, and then slid her jeans off, being careful not to let the other two blades hit the floor. She cleaned those, and then unwound her top, removed the tiny two inch blade from the ribbon and cleaned it carefully. Once all blades were taken care of, and she was fully undressed, she slowly climbed into the tub. She sighed softly as the water soothed her cold skin and bones. She relaxed and laid her head back against the edge of the tub. After a few minutes, the water around her began to turn red, as her fresh wounds from the night bled out. She gingerly cleaned the three wounds and then drained the water, climbed out of the tub and wrapped her robe around her damp and slender body. She was dark-skinned, Hispanic, perhaps, and her hair was long and dark. Her eyes were almond shaped and dark brown, almost black. She worked for an elite group of people who were dedicated to keeping the peace. Basically put, she is an assassin.
She gathered up her swords and carried them into her room. Against the far wall, a large oak closet spanned the length of her wall. It was eight feet tall and twelve feet long. She pulled open the large heavy doors and replaced her swords into their respective places. Then, she pushed the doors closed and locked them, laid a white sheet down on top of her blanket, and then curled up on the bed and fell asleep for the day.


© 2011 Cocoacandy


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Featured Review

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you... I have been out smuggling.
I have 273 messages in my hotmail inbox, but as soon as I get through that, I will read this whole story.
As I noticed from this first chapter, and from some of your other work, you do have a great way with words, and your descriptions are engaging.
If I don't get back here soon, alert me!


Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

This is pure brilliance, and I love how as an assassin, she hasn't lost the ability to enjoy the little things, like a warm bath.
An absolutely splendid read!

Posted 12 Years Ago


Sorry it took me so long to get back to you... I have been out smuggling.
I have 273 messages in my hotmail inbox, but as soon as I get through that, I will read this whole story.
As I noticed from this first chapter, and from some of your other work, you do have a great way with words, and your descriptions are engaging.
If I don't get back here soon, alert me!


Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

"On a warm sunny morning in a city in the middle of nowhere, Charlie walked quickly through the forest. She kept her head down, her long black hair falling in front of her face and keeping people from paying any attention. Though it was warm, she pulled her jacket tighter, shivering slightly and keeping her hands shoved into her pockets."

i'm not sure if these lines stand out to me because they're full of oxymorons or because it's a good exposition. a city, in the middle of nowhere, in a forest. in the forest, keeping her head down so people won't see her. it's warm, she's shivering... hmm :)

as i've said before, this would be easier to read if you seperated the paragraphs in some way, either by leaving a line blank or using some sort of indent at the start of each.

this is really intriguing though, a great exposition to an assasin's story.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like how you opened the story by progressively playing up the character without giving any real information as to who she is. I felt a sense of mystery and eagerness to find out as I kept reading. Obviously she has an interesting background, being that she lives in the forest, in a place that can only be walked to, and owns a wild animal. I was surprised by all those knives! I'm eager to read the next chapter and find out more!

other suggestions:
-"cabin with not path around it" I think you meant no (instead of not)
-I'm not 100% sure a domestic pet would hunt. If she didn't feed him, I get a feeling that due to his instincts, he would not come back. I could be totally wrong on this (just thought I would point it out)
-"her hair was long and dark. Her eyes were almond shaped and dark brown, almost black. She worked for an elite group of people who were dedicated to keeping the police." This sentence confused me a little. did you mean keeping the peace?

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Yeah, I like her...the story is off to a good start. Your character is intriguing and sounds like she's a hell of a warrior. I look forward to the next chapter. Might take me a bit, work is booming today. But I will read it soon.

I saw one small typo:
"After a few minutes, she came to a small cabin with not path around it."
I think you meant: "no path around it."
good stuff!
Cheers!


Posted 13 Years Ago


A very strong chapter. I like how you introduced the main character. I like how she took care of her wounds. Took care of her weapons and found sleep. A lot of story in the short chapter. A very good beginning to this story. Thank you.
Coyote

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on January 18, 2011
Last Updated on February 24, 2011
Tags: blade, adventure, revenge


Author

Cocoacandy
Cocoacandy

WI



About
im a fairly random person that tends to confuse people. i try not to, but hey, whatevs... i enjoy writing poetry, and once in a while dabble in short stories, occasionally books... im attemping to wri.. more..

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