01; The Hospital

I stared up at the ceiling. The walls were nauseatingly white, the smell of chemicals and chlorine stung my nostrils as I lay in bed. Waiting. I took a deep breath, fear clawing at my chest. I hated this feeling, the feeling of dread and anxiety. My lungs seemed to clam up with every breath I took, my chest seemed to constrict with every little breath so that it almost hurt to breath. God, I just wanted to get out of here. But the Doctor hadn't yet arrived yet.

The hospital had become my second home, ever since I'd been diagnosed with Leukemia.

At first, I'd let myself foolishly believe all these treatments would work. By the seventh treatment, my faith began to wane. What if there was no cure? At first, I couldn't accept it, I didn't want to.

And then I looked back into my life.

I was a fairly normal guy. I lived in a middle class home in Griggs, Oklahoma. I had two parents and a little sister. I never participated in any school clubs, but I worked for Best Buy, and at Piggly Wiggly.

My life had always been constant. It was neither great, nor was it horrible.

But that all changed two years ago.

For two years, my life had consisted of nothing. I had stopped going to college after cancer became too much for me to handle, too much for my sister too handle. She was the only one who cared. She was the only one I had. God, I wished she was standing beside me right now. After that, my life was filled with trips to the hospital, frequent visits with the doctors. They all told me the same thing, [i]Nothing's certain yet.[/i]

As I was reminiscing, remembering, I realized something.

I hadn't done a thing to make my life worthwhile.

Dr. Beauchamp cleared his throat. The crags and lines on his face were deeper then I last remembered, his eyebrows were slightly furrowed, but there was a smile on his face. Only, the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. The moment I looked into his eyes, I knew.

“Ethan... I'm afr-”

“Doctor,” I took a deep breath, trying to keep my voice from shaking. I looked away, running my fingers over the cotton fabric of my hospital gown.

“Yes?”

“Thank you,” I breathed, “But I don't want to know.”

There was a momentary silence before he said anything. He just looked at me, a surprised look on his face, and a hint of sadness. He bowed his head, “As you wish.”

He turned to the nurse leaning against the door and sent her to fetch my clothes.

I didn't want to know. I didn't want to count down the days, the hours... I didn't want [i]wait[/i]  All my life, I had been waiting. And for what? [i]Nothing.[/i]  I was done waiting. I was going to stop waiting around for something that could or could not happen. I was done waiting around for a miracle to come around the corner.

I was going to start living.

Author's Note

Please review this honestly with what you think. This was originally from Mibba.

Reviews

[Isadora Pierce]

Oh my. I really do like this. If there is more posted on Mibba, I'd like to know! You've got a great start, it's so heartbreakingly sad, but I love it. I can only imagine being in his position. I definitely wouldn't have wanted to hear I was going to die. No doubt the doctor had something horrible to tell him. ;(

Subbing to see where this goes!

[alan peter kelly]

End of first paragragh..."hadn't yet arrived."
"What if there was no hope of cure?" Such conditions CAN be cured...I believe it is better for the character to speculate treatment failure rather than there being "no cure" per se...
"It was neither great, nor was it traumatized." I feel that words like "horrible" are not strong enough to hold a reader...one too many such words in any segment of writing and you may lose a reader outright...
"after the cancer became too much for me to handle," The word "cancer" is too general in this context...to preface the word with "the" sort of personalises the cancer as belonging to the character...
"too much for my sister to handle" one "o" in the second "to".
"She was the only one I knew who cared." One sentence will suffice really...the rest is superfluous...I'D strike out "She was the only one I had." completely.
"I wished to God that she was standing there beside me." The words "right now" are present tense...my change is not the only way you can go but it is less confused a sentence...
"When it came time to evaluate the entirety of my existence, I realised that I hadn't done a thing to make my life worthwhile."
rather than:"As I was reminiscing, remembering, I realized something.
I hadn't done a thing to make my life worthwhile."
Overall though...it is an interesting read and I would like to read more...I have had some experience with editors and know they would say the same thing as I have here. You asked and I offered my experience. It is only when we are forced by impending finalities to reassess our positions on any matter, especially on such a profound an issue as mortality, that we learn to enjoy each moment as it arrives...we cannot dwell on anything other than the here and now...the precious moments...yesterday is history...tomorrow is speculation...life is here and now...you made me think...hope my suggestions helped...good luck with your writing :)