The Mad Alchemist - An Affair With Le Strudels

Want to heat up a strudel you ate yesterday? Keep reading.

The Mad Alchemist - An Affair With Le Strudels

How bad do I want this? That’s the thought pressing out from the limbic system of my brain basket tickling the senses in a localized lightning storm within my head. I really shouldn’t…

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Too late! Ah hahaha, should have lopped that grenade a second earlier. My lips purse in a satisfied smile. I’ve always wanted to try a toaster strudel. Never could find them near the pop tarts, but that's because they are sold in the frozen section! Couldn’t figure that one out when I was a kid, even with this IQ of, oh yea, I don’t know what it is still. Cheap b*****d that I am, I never paid to see my results. Any skizle, it's not that I am cheap, it's that at the time I took the test, I didn’t have any money. And I never made it a point to take it again now that I do have money. I know I'm smart, it’s fine.

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Back to the toaster strudel. I just might have invented the 1 second microwave. I know what you’re thinking, and I really don’t, because… how? But if you thought that a 1 second microwave was dumb, you’re right, but that's not why its great. I like to embrace the dumb sometimes, it's therapeutic, like a vacation from cerebral stimulation. So. If you tear apart several, - 5 -, microwaves and take their magnetrons out, and well, harvest them and spend a lot of pointless hours assimilating them into a big big magnetron! You get a… pop! and... smoke. And a little flame on some of the plastic parts. The faraday cage deal, yea it probably doesn't work at that high of levels, so keep that in consideration, but... yea probably like 2 weeks of radiation x-rays too, and… yea, that's what happens. So, I tried it again, differently this time - and I made something cool. See, IF you take a switchboard for mastering an audio track, use ruby on rails and program it to change the approximate desired time for normal full power 1100 watt microwaves, CONNECT that to your microfrankeinstein, and set it to deliver all that juice in a 1 second turkey slap? You can then... slap it.

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Set it up to do 15 seconds in 1 second, 30 in 1, 60 in 1, 120 in 1, 180, 240, 300, aaaaaaand, I shouldnt have done this… but at 1000 seconds in one. Okay, I say I shouldn’t because doing that not only broke the second prototype, but it burned my plug in the basement. And I have cancer. No, really though.

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The third time - and a few, like 4 - 400 bucks on more parts and the electrician guy to come look at this dumb thing I did. Anyway, I made it. And I just tested a frozen toaster strudel. I am going to put some pics up later. It totally cooked it from half frozen to piping hot, unevenly, like half of it caught flame a little bit, but wow. I wasted all that time in life looking for the strudels in the poptart section when I was a kid, and consequently never got to eat one, even though the advertisements during the Gargoyles cartoon made it look really really important… And now, with this invention, I can save 29 seconds off every time I want one. Which if you calculate that out, I can basically go back in time and feed myself as a child, every, single, day. So, I’ve created time travel.