Look

Inspired by the beauty of one look from a person possibly born into the worng decade

 

Look

 

 

She was flirty and vulnerable

Magic and mystical

Beauty had met its match

 

Taking his hand softly now

Leading him to a place she knew

Where only before had been so few

 

Dimly now the lights did fall

 

While beneath her chest

A longing doth call

 

One with spirit, one with grace

With one look, she found her space

Welcome, welcome, now so intense

 

And all from one soft light

Glowing about them in midst of night

A glow found only in one true look

 

 

Reviews

[Anne Martin]

George, there is a lot to like in this. I think it would work better if you took more care of your meter. The 7 syllable lines seem to work best. Look at the rhythm of fourth stanza (assuming that blank line in the third is a typo):

[i]One with spirit, one with grace
With one look, she found her space
Welcome, welcome, so intense[/i]

I've removed "now" so all three lines had 7 syllables. That works better, although it seems to scream for another line.

The first stanza is another case. You can often drop pronouns, when they are obvious:

Flirty and vulnerable
Magic and mystical
Beauty had met its match

7-6-6 seems much less awkward than 9-6-7, especially here as you can swallow a syllable in "vulner'ble."

When you are rhyming, you need to be very careful of your rhythm, even when you are varying your pattern. The rhythm helps smooth it out.

Concerning the content, I would have liked to seem more about the look. It's so important, but you only just mention it in the last line. Surely, it needs expansion. Tell us about it.

[Ruth]

In a look, there can be a heaven of warmth :)
This is beautifully written, this is an inviting poem, brightly displayed! You voice emotion well love
xx

[Sunflower/Sara Kendrick]

A demure sensual write with romance as the theme...Very alluring and compelling drawing me in and holding my attention...Sunflower

[Brianna Brie]

I enjoyed this poem immensely. It has such an innocent feel to it and yet a racy one. Love the reference to light as the look. Beautifully written!

[emmajoy]

A touch of traditional phrasing, expressing an unspoken beckoning .. a look that said it all:

' And all from one soft light Glowing about them in midst of night A glow found only in one true look '

I read this, then, re-read and spoke the words aloud .. it flowed so gently, I felt the phrasing was very true, unhampered by technical this and that.

Such sweetness .. so unlike today's goings-on!

[Sean M. Addams]

A very romantic and upbeat poem... liked the imagery in this piece alot... overall nice job on this....

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

This is a very nice poem, romantic and sweet. Well written. Thank you for sharing. Debileah

[Carrie Montgomery]

I love it! I know you wrote it for some one else, but I am currently reading Marilyn Monroe Biography and this reminded me so much of her for some reason! Great write!

[Spoken]

ahh.. i know that look. That look can turn someone upside down.

great expression here. Truly a pleasure to read.