Much Too Mindful

Sinking into the seat of myself,
I feel how much I don't want to be here.
Holding still some dreadful patience
to ease the certainty that
while I wait for time to bring,
time is also taking things.
And I must be grateful
for the silly shape it's made of me.
Wanting to be here and after,
wanting to explain this grief.
Goodness knows its gifts are fleeting
and I'm missing everything.