Cathartic Watermelon

Just a story. Maybe it should have a meaning, and I'm sure it does, but as the honest writer, I have no idea what it is. I guess the story sort of wrote itself. I guess it does make sense.

• Mr. Fister, so named due to his owners obsession with rhyme as well as his ability to curl his paw into a fist, was not your ordinary cat. He ate fish snaks from a cat bowl, sour cream from a people bowl, and pooped in a litter box, also specifically designed for cats. Mr. Fister had a very distinct position of sleeping which his owner, Mrs. Knat called "catharsis." Maybe it was because upon every glance of Mr. Fister in the "catharsis" position, Mrs. Knat felt cleansed and reborn. Maybe all of her struggles were transmitted to Mr. Fister's tiny being every time she laid eyes on his cathartic sleep. He certainly liked to think so for what better way to exist as a cat than to solve everyone's struggles while asleep? But maybe Mrs. Knat had too many struggles. Maybe her pure existence was a struggle in itself and Mr. Fister was but a side effect of her conflicts. Maybe she was the side effect. Maybe to his catly struggles. Maybe all any of us really are are side effects. But Mr. Fister found this idea rather depressing and decided not to accept it. If all anyone is is a side-effect, then that means that there must be an overall sense of pleasure or relief coming from an unknown source, because that would be the definition of a side-effect. And in that case something had to benefit more than Mr. Fister or Mrs. Knat, yet no such existence seemed plausible to Mr. Fister, thus he concluded that the whole concept of side-effects was a bunch of soggy watermelon. Maybe Mr. Fister's "catharsis" position sent all of his struggles through a virtual vein onto Mrs. Knat's skin, causing all of those unpleasant wrinkles to occupy her face. But why, pondered Mr. Fister, must struggles be transported? Thus another serving of soggy watermelon was born inside of Mr. Fister's head. But that was why Mr. Fister was so extraordinary - he appreciated soggy watermelon. Because as he pondered his life away, he came to the understanding of something that most of us fail to realize - the catharses of life consist 0.001% of actual comprehending, 0.001% of sour cream, and 99.998% of soggy watermelon.

  Mr. Fister was lucky to die young. His vast knowledge of the "cathartic" position endangered the poor being of the Mrs. Knats upon which our lives depend on.

• May he rest in peace in the "catharsis position."

Author's Note

Ignore mathematical errors - if existent