Twillight Is Twishite

I got really really uber bored so thought I'd write this song. Enjoy.

[Verse 1]

There's a plague sweeping through our schools and across the nation,

I'm not talking of gonorrhea or shared masturbation,

This s**t is a curse of the worst degree,

It's making a mockery of literacy...

 

[Chorus]

I'm talking about twillight,

Or twishite,

Watching bella get boned was my highlight,

Of that s**t movie,

So go ahead and sue me.

But necrophillia isn't groovy.

 

[Verse 2]

Well not much happens in the very first novel,

Most of the time we just see bella grovel,

Girls tell me I can't compare to Edward Cullen,

If I saw that mo-f****r I'd be totally schooling...him,

I'd show him a badass scary vampire is supposed to rock,

Not be a sparkly whiny emo we all know sucks c**k.

 

But anyway back to the story,

For a pack of supposed vampires they don't do any s**t gory.

All we see is Edward looking all broody,

Likewise with Bella looking all moody.

Like seriously what is the deal?

I get more enjoyment kicking a retarded seal.

 

In the sun he doesn't burst into flames he just starts to shine,

Whenever Bella opens up her mouth I wonder what is that whine?

Wait...that's her voice?

...S**t.

 

[Chorus]

Cos I'm talking about twillight,

Or twishite,

Watching bella get boned was my highlight,

Of that s**t movie,

So go ahead and sue me.

But necrophillia isn't groovy.

 

[Verse 3]

So they fall in love and share their first kiss,

All the girls around me go awww but I start to miss,

The day gone by when he'd tear out her throat,

When vampires saw girls as a sacrificial goat,

But all he probably does is go down on her moat.

 

But hang on that's a question I've been meaning to say,

What the f**k happens when it's her 'special' days?

Does she present him with a bloody lollipop,

Or does he go down and give her p***y a mop?

Cos he's a p***y vampire that doesn't like blood,

When it comes to going down is he just a dud?

 

So if Bella can't play with herself all the same,

And if Edward won't play her bloody p***y game,

And if he gives vampires a bad name,

Then all that's left is some wolf loving shame.

 

[Chorus]

Cos I'm talking about twillight,

Or twishite,

Watching bella get boned was my highlight,

Of that s**t movie,

So go ahead and sue me.

But necrophillia isn't groovy.

 

[Verse 4]

You can find my views offensive cos I'm up in your face,

I'm like an autistic kid with a bottle of mace.

I'll leave you on the floor clawing at your face,

Coincidentally I was like that after this movie with such a s**t pace.

 

Team Edward or Jacob?

I couldn’t give a crap,

But all around me tweenagers start to fap,

Jacob with his top off showing his chest,

But guys can’t bloody fap,

Bella’s got no breasts!

 

Seriously I can’t see the hype,

If I wanted teenage softcore porn I’d log onto skype.

This entire series reeks of s**t,

I don’t see the appeal a tiny little bit.

 

Breaking Dawn?

I’d prefer Breaking Bella,

Some hardcore scenes s**t’d be stellar.

 

Now she’s having kids and getting wed?

What is she 15? Also Edward’s undead.

How the f**k does that work with no blood flow?

Does he get an erection to perfection can he even see his own reflection,

Or has Stephanie fucked that up too?

 

[Chorus]

Cos I'm talking about twillight,

Or twishite,

Watching bella get boned was my highlight,

Of that s**t movie,

So go ahead and sue me.

But necrophillia isn't groovy.

 

[Verse 5]

So she’s got a kid that’s an abomination,

What the f**k’s next asks the nation?

Well I’ll tell you this s**t gets worse,

Jacob’s a paedophile that casts a curse,

Or imprint...depends how open minded you are.

 

Paedophillia is lame,

It’s f*****g insane,

How anyone can like it,

It’s an unmoralistic game.

 

And now kids love it at my school?

Kids...peadophillia,necrophilia and beastiality just aren’t cool.

So when they come up to me telling me it’s better than Harry Potter,

I say...

 

‘F**k you Stephanie Meyer...f**k you.’

Author's Note

might be shite but i enjoyed liking it

Reviews

[Chris]

Boredom does shyt... chuckling here

[cynicalbeliever]

Aha danke Beth :) and that wasn't vicious that was me bored and having to listen to a tweenager at the bus stop go on about it xD and seriously? I honestly thought it was spelt like that and Twilight was a misspelling on Stephanie Meyers part xD

[BetanuZwei]

Wow...That's all I can really say. I agree with the sentiment on the whole, but maybe not quite as viciously as you! But it might be better if you spelled Twilight right :P