Ashes and Soot

Sunlight settles lightly on the home you took

from a girl now reduced to ashes and soot

Ruin the lives of our futures and our pasts

Make sure every breath we take helps us finish last

And when you see us heaving, we are broken ones

Cause our simple feelings grab and tear at our bones

And the hearts inside our chests weigh a ton

And we're tired and we're scared and we need someone

we need someone

We are the wistful

We are the haunted youth

Chasing down what we left in black

We shy away and do not face the truth

that there is no way to get back

And when you see us bleeding, you see the broken ones

But you still keep leaving cause you say that you are done

And the hearts inside our chests it weigh a ton

We're burning in fires that we built without love 

Built without love

You should have stopped it

You could have stopped it

You should have stopped it

Well, I fell from grace, I'm just a body now

Lost, lifeless feelings covered in a shroud

And my voice shakes from the words I threw loud

In a helpless retreat I shot myself down

In a helpless retreat I shot myself down

And if love destroyed you, you are a broken one

No we don't shine for anyone

And the hearts inside our chests weigh a ton

And we try to forget so we won't miss them

We'll forever miss them

You should have stopped it

You could have stopped it

You should have stopped it

Reviews

[Jeremy Baker]

That first stanza made me shiver - outstanding use of imagery and such a subtle, well developed message. Just awesome!

[TheSweet]

I think, given the right tune, this could very easily be transformed into a song - it has that kind of flow and depth that could be drawn out and draw people in. Thanks.

[R J Askew]

I read this as an adult being chastised by a child for some transgression which has broken a family perhaps. We adults bear heavy responsibilities which we all too often forget because we are weak, childish in our greed and lusts.

[The Analog Kid]

You beautifully pulled this off. The repetition works well:)

[K.C. Zbryk]

This definitly has a very lyrical structure to it, and the slight deviations to the rhyme scheme give this a unique feel. This overflows with emotions reminding the reader of things they have experienced. Left me speechless.

[Brandon]

"We're burning in fires we built without love." That's really beautiful, in a tragic sort of way. The whole poem was. Tragically beautiful. You should write some guitar and piano for this. It'd be great.

[nathan]

wow!! great work Meg :)the refrains just add that haunting factor to the poem. It's so rhythmic that I can almost hear the drums in the background

[Kenneth The Poet]

Not bad. I like it.

[jennifer little]

i liked it well done great job on this poem and thanks for sharing this lovely poem with me by the way and keep up the amazing work

[Sarah]

wise and deep well done