6. the tumultuous deep

a cashier asks me how it goes

well i guess it never shows

i'm tempted to unload the avalanche

but i don't want to be seen as odd

so i just politely nod,

"just fine." i guess i missed my chance

 

we gather 'round in class each week

one by one, we're asked to speak

the teachers just want to check in

though they don't push or pressure

they want me to play the confessor

a role i will not invest in

 

if i could just open up, instead of moping it up

if i could open up, it'd give me hope enough

if i could just open up

if i could, it'd be all good

 

she asks my help to move furniture

but i decide to burden her

with a steadfast regretless denial

but it's said with a certain charm

so she won't feel hurt or harmed

bad news is made easier with style

 

if i could talk, not write it down

words i keep on hiding now

you could help heal me with a hug

now everyone's finding out

what i sit and sigh about

their reaction just an offhand shrug

 

if i could unlock my vault, if i could just give it my all

if i could just unlock my vault, no i swear it's not my fault

if i could unlock my vault

if i could, i'd be all good

 

you want to hang out saturday

we'd live together if you had your way

i keep telling you i need some more space

that's a true understatement

i can see the utter blankness

the disappointed surprise on your face

 

she requests to join me in bed

a solo sleep made a duet instead

i don't mean to be a tear in her eye

questions i don't want to answer now

topics i try to dance around

as i leave, i can hear her cry

 

if you could crack me from my shell, listen to the secrets i have to tell

if you could crack me from my shell, i'm afraid i've had a bad spell

if you could help crack me from my shell

if you could, we'd be all good

 

if i could open up, if i could start to cope and trust

if i could just open up, learn to really hope and love

if i could only open up, then i'd be understood

if i could, then everything would be good