It's A Good Life

   Most mornings lately when I wake up I think to myself, "F**k." Then I'll take about an hour to roll out of bed, look in the mirror, and think, "I might be depressed again." Sitting in a cesspool of my thoughts, I often spiral but as I've gotten older these spirals have evolved into something more existential and something I can learn from. Today, I wonder what it means to live a good life. Taking a deep breath, I watch my step and start making my way down this rabbit hole. 

    My mom always told me, "As long as you're happy that's all that matters," and she's right. Happiness really can be anything that's true to your authentic self. We have all felt this kind of happiness before when we were growing up, before being stifled and shunned by most of society to get rid of our imagination and conform to the dream of someone else's mind. Most of us have experienced this form of brain washing in one form or another, and it takes an effort to liberate yourself from such projections, but it's totally possible. Truly, you are your own force of nature with incredible power that you can tap into at any time. One of my favorite phrases is, "I don't give a f**k," and I don't want you to think that I don't care about anything at all because I care about a lot; I just mean that I save my energy to care about the true, the immediate, and the important. When Drake said, "I only love my bed and my momma," I felt that because right now, cheers to a recent breakup from a toxic relationship, I only have to care about me, my puppy, my family, and close friends: the true, the immediate, and the important. Have you ever heard the term "focus on what's right in front of you"? It's kinda like that. Therefore, disposing of "hate", "negativity", and all those other wrong things, and responding with authentic love towards them, yourself, and the world around you is key to happiness and growth. We don't have control over making people treat us with the love we deserve. Sometimes all we can say is, "Thank you for loving me the only way you knew how," and move onto the next phase in our life. 

    I know that it's a luxury to be able to move through phases of life with other people by your side. It's truly a blessing to have someone who's there for you, and I don't take even the smallest conversation for granted because you never know who might need your kindness. It's quite a beautiful feeling to have someone really listen to you, no? You see, even when I'm at my lowest and all alone I still find the energy to pick myself up by the boot straps and be an authentic, calm, loving beacon of light. Undoubtedly I know this is appreciated somehow, somewhere in the universe. It's also a lifetime of a practice but it's starting to act as my second nature; rewriting my DNA every chance I get. I wasn't't always like this though, I used to be really angry and self destructive but that doesn't make anyone care either -- just one more thing we don't have control of and that's okay. We can't make people care about us, but we can show them what they're missing out on. 

   So the question begs, "What makes a good life?" And the answer is that it's totally up to you. Kinda cliche, but the truth stays the same. Even in the dark moments, it's all about choices. The choice to appreciate and find the beauty and magic and lesson in it all or to let the days pass you by and consume you as if you weren't put here for a greater purpose than to experience being alive, is yours. My only wish is to everyone reading this with me is to feel happy and free. I love you and I hope to see you again!