The Compass

For those seeking.

You get off of work late.
The frequent customer wanted what
they believed they deserved.
And since you are seemingly a servant,
you decided to put it in your own hands.

You feel weighted.
Each step you take feels
like bricks are tied to the soles of your shoes.
Sweat plasters your bangs on your forehead,
and you walk into the door looking for the couch
that will give you the gift of rested knees.

You sink into the cushions.
And you begin to think about the clock quietly ticking by.
You are tired, but you have an ounce of energy to
close your eyes without falling completely asleep.
And you think.

They say that scientists cannot even figure out
why the compass will point north by default.
People say the reason is that Heaven is north of the planet
and the compass is supposed to draw you near Heaven without force, just ease.
Heaven simply hints at the direction toward nirvana;
we just need to pay attention to the simple device.
Just pay attention to what is right in front of us.

Right now you don’t know your direction.
You don’t even know how to pay the rent.
But you wonder.
If you paid attention to the compass inside your thumping heart,
pointing toward the drive that kept your feet moving up and down
and if you managed to open your chest  
that is a torch of fire yearning to taste freedom,

then maybe

you can find your Heaven.

Reviews

[James O'Rourke]

Hey CLBombay!

Just wanted to drop by and tell you that you did a wonderful job editing this piece. The images are much more specific and the piece seems more focused. The word choice is spot on considering the content as well.

Job well done. You have inspired me to take a closer look at my own work and give them a little tweak now and then to see if something new emerges.

[CLBombay]

That's funny you say that I inspire you to make changes, because you were initially the one to inspire ME to make changes hahaha. anywho, thanks, James! You're great.

[James O'Rourke]

I really enjoyed this piece CLBombay.

The whole notion of busting your a*s day in and day out to reach Heaven, or at least achieve a semblance of what is Heaven, just to be met with monetary woes and ungrateful people resounds with me. The fourth stanza explaining the compass and its relation to those on a search for something bigger or more peaceful was well placed.

As far as editorial ideas: the first line of the third stanza "You sink into the safe haven called the couch." I don't think you need to mention the couch again, seeing as you had just brought the readers attention to it two line before. Perhaps try "You sink into the safe haven and begin to think." Thus combining the first and second lines of that stanza. The fourth stanza seems a little clunky. Word heavy or perhaps contains too many syllables. Give it a slight size-down or rewording and see where it takes you. Finally, on the whole, there is slight overuse of the word "you." I know you're talking directly to the character in this piece, but maybe you could gives us a little more of What she is thinking or How she is feeling. Give her a little more flesh and reality.

All in all my friend, I really liked this write. I feel like you have a really good start for something that could become quite poignant. I look forward to reading more of your work. -James

[CLBombay]

James,

Thanks so much for critiquing this for me! I definitely agree about the "couch" thing and making her emotions more apparent. Your time is appreciated.

CLBombay