Interoffice

Ever want to know what people say about you in your absence? Be careful for what you wish...

 

 

 

 

FINLEY’S MANUFACTURING

MEMORANDUM

_____________________________________________________________________________

                      

TO:                 Ms. J. Linden, Senior V.P. Human Resources        DATE: February 8, 2008

 

FROM:           Mr. J. Sanchez, Executive Vice President Operations

 

THRU:            Interoffice

 

SUBJECT:     Mr. Davis’ Promotion

 

I am in receipt of your suggestion to promote Michael Davis to the head of the Production Division. While I usually am able to accept your judgment at face value, I must admit that this request seems ill conceived.

 

Mr. Davis is an employee of the vilest nature. His productivity has declined progressively in each quarter. He is given to the most childish of fits when one of his ideas is not accepted by the management. Whenever confronted about these issues, Mr. Davis launches into the character assassination of whoever makes the accusation. By doing this he has effectively browbeat the other employees of his division into a kind of submissive acceptance of his tantrums. They have even ceased their complaints about his personal hygiene, which is questionable at best.

 

I was somewhat surprised that you of all people championed Mr. Davis, after the multiple sexual harassment complaints filed by you and most of the females on your staff. On a personal note, I believe that you would have one the case had it not been for Mr. Davis’ How Else Could They Get Crabs From Me? defense.

 

Even if we were to overlook his lack of productivity, poor behavior and precarious sexual liaisons, how can we promote someone who has so little respect for the people and property of this company? Have you forgotten Mr. Davis’ liberal interpretation of what constitutes a bathroom? The lunchroom switch-a-roo? Toupee Frisbee? Not to mention the unfortunate mess that he made of the men’s room at the annual holiday banquet: Employees are Little Snow Flakes? How would that dwarf feel to find out that Mr. Davis was now V.P. Production?

 

Are we really so bereft of talented employees that we actually have to consider giving this stain on society a promotion? No wonder everyone else out sources. Well in order to avoid a conflict with the AFL-CIO, I propose we promote him and hope that he ends up getting convicted on his polygamy charges. That should give us the grounds for termination.

 

http://www.myspace.com/chanceransom

 

 

Author's Note

Originally written for a contest. Can't remember what the hell happened.

Reviews

[None]

This is amusing and well written. Good use of adjectives. It's great to read something so funny on here!

[Tamme]

I am so glad I don't work with you, however, I enjoy reading your work. It's hard to poke fun at ourselves, but you did it excellently in a creative way.

[R. J. Dennis]

LMAO! This is completely hysterical. It's well written from the perspective of senior management, all (mostly) PC and professional sounding, while the humor just shines through. One thing, though - I believe you meant 'won' where you have 'one' in 'I believe that you would have one the case'. This may not be your usual style or anything, but you certainly have a knack for humor. Great job! Good luck in the contest.

[Yvonne Heidt]

Well, I am laughing out loud!

That's what I like - watching someone color outside the lines!

Great job.