Interoffice

Ever want to know what people say about you in your absence? Be careful for what you wish...

 

 

 

 

FINLEY’S MANUFACTURING

MEMORANDUM

_____________________________________________________________________________

                      

TO:                 Ms. J. Linden, Senior V.P. Human Resources        DATE: February 8, 2008

 

FROM:           Mr. J. Sanchez, Executive Vice President Operations

 

THRU:            Interoffice

 

SUBJECT:     Mr. Davis’ Promotion

 

I am in receipt of your suggestion to promote Michael Davis to the head of the Production Division. While I usually am able to accept your judgment at face value, I must admit that this request seems ill conceived.

 

Mr. Davis is an employee of the vilest nature. His productivity has declined progressively in each quarter. He is given to the most childish of fits when one of his ideas is not accepted by the management. Whenever confronted about these issues, Mr. Davis launches into the character assassination of whoever makes the accusation. By doing this he has effectively browbeat the other employees of his division into a kind of submissive acceptance of his tantrums. They have even ceased their complaints about his personal hygiene, which is questionable at best.

 

I was somewhat surprised that you of all people championed Mr. Davis, after the multiple sexual harassment complaints filed by you and most of the females on your staff. On a personal note, I believe that you would have one the case had it not been for Mr. Davis’ How Else Could They Get Crabs From Me? defense.

 

Even if we were to overlook his lack of productivity, poor behavior and precarious sexual liaisons, how can we promote someone who has so little respect for the people and property of this company? Have you forgotten Mr. Davis’ liberal interpretation of what constitutes a bathroom? The lunchroom switch-a-roo? Toupee Frisbee? Not to mention the unfortunate mess that he made of the men’s room at the annual holiday banquet: Employees are Little Snow Flakes? How would that dwarf feel to find out that Mr. Davis was now V.P. Production?

 

Are we really so bereft of talented employees that we actually have to consider giving this stain on society a promotion? No wonder everyone else out sources. Well in order to avoid a conflict with the AFL-CIO, I propose we promote him and hope that he ends up getting convicted on his polygamy charges. That should give us the grounds for termination.

 

http://www.myspace.com/chanceransom

 

 

Author's Note

Originally written for a contest. Can't remember what the hell happened.

Reviews

[Angel's Lady]

Mr. Davis!
How did you get your hands on this company property?

SIGNED:
Mr. J. Sanchez, Executive Vice President Operations

Beautiful AND Priceless!

[Michael X]

michael, let me lmao as well, all the way through,
you have this story hook, line, and sinker when it
comes to humor, workplace saga, especially the
way you ended the final thought to perfection,
i really enjoyed the comical design as well, thanks, mike

[Nicole (Carpe Diem)]

this is fun -- i liked the memo format --

[BrightEyes]

LMAO! A truly hilarious write! laughed through the whole thing...so glad I'm at home and not sneaking on at work! Excellent job! Good luck in the contest!

laura :-)

[TL Boehm]

this was truly hilarious - you must spend time in the corporate cesspool. You really pegged it. Nicely done.

[Helen Woodward]

Well Michael this is different! And hilarious as well...promoted out of the way, too funny. I liked the idea of posting a memorandom, to my knowledge it's never been done before. Crabs yet...I'll be itching all day! Thanks....
Cheers,
Helen.

[Mostly Harmless]

Great story Mike, you had me laughing.

[Chem]

And I thought that I was the only one who threw those kind of tantrums at work when I didn't get my way.
Very amusing indeed.

[desertraven]

This is really funny! Definately out side the box!
Great write!
Sandra :D

[Holly Marsh]

Oh my god. I want to work with Michael Davis and play Toupee Frisbee.

I know it's not your usual style, but it is still hilarious and good. Actually, I found more humor in this piece than your "Chance Ransom" series. The humor in the series is a bit more dry and subtle--which is also good, too.

I laughed so hard at the "How Else Could They Get Crabs From Me?" defense...working in a law firm, it sounded straight out of "Boston Legal."