Control

This piece was written while i was going through my divorce. Its funny how when i replay my life now, i see how much of me i lost in someone eles...

I was told I have all this power and control.

But it’s no consolation. I don't feel better or whole.

I have been controlled for years,

Cautious of everything, even the clothes I wear.

Had to clock in and out no matter where I would go.

God forbid, I went somewhere and he didn’t know.

At first, I didn’t mind, My “BABY” loved me.

I didn’t want him to worry, I obeyed out of courtesy.

But it soon became a necessity.

I use to be so scared.

He would scream at me,

Or simply throw accusations at me out of nowhere;

But I loved him and knew he couldn’t change.

So instead I remained silent and always took blame.

I was good to him; he had no cause to complain.

Yet somewhere along the way,

he did everything he feared I’d do.

And I never even had a clue.

I know I wasn’t perfect, but I sincerely tried.

I never had anything to hide.

I know I wasn’t as pretty as most,

Changed with time.

Maybe I should have paid more attention,

Instead of being comfortable, I thought he’d always be mine.

I would have done anything for him, whether it was wrong or right.

Still he hurt me repeatedly and left me with a shattered, empty life.

So I took back my control, now I’m on my own.

He can’t stand having his life in my hands,

But I gave him mine, and what he did with it wasn’t kind.

I will always do what’s right; want to put an end to all our bitter fights.

I just wish I wasn’t haunted by his face whenever I go to sleep at night.

Control is a not a tool I wish to posses.

It has made my life a mess.

Brought out anger and demons I wish to put to rest.

 If I could have controlled one thing, I know what it would have been.

I would have made him see my true beauty,

Would have made him love me.

Reviews

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

"I would have done anything for him, whether it was wrong or right.Still he hurt me repeatedly and left me with a shattered, empty life.So I took back my control, now I'm on my own.He can't stand having his life in my hands, But I gave him mine, and what he did with it wasn't"

oh, this has a similar ring to me and my ex boyfriend. luckily, we never married. it's even harder that way it seems. I am glad you bore your soul in this work, and it was a great catharsis it appears. Good job

Kena

[Voltaire Mephisto (aka ..]

Intense as always but in a different way...a sad way. I prefer the sensual side more.