Ocean

Experimenting with a different style. It was part of a writing exercise I use to get my creativity flowing.

Waves
Crashing against my skin, tasting of chilled brine
My heart billows deep, beating over the raging currents
As the constant flux of tides carries me into the offing
I strain to see the shore
Wading in waters, created by my tears
I look for you in the distance
All I see is endless ocean
I’m left alone, and can not swim

Author's Note

If your familiar with my work, then you know I don’t pay attention to punctuation that much. But if you catch my spelling errors, please point them out.

Reviews

[alanwgraham]

This is good Ivory. You've done a good job of using the extended 'ocean' metaphor. I think you do have some scope for fine tuning - for example the line 'My heart billows deep, it can be heard over the raging currents' might flow better as 'My heart billows deep, beating over the raging currents' In the first line is tasting better than taste? I usually go back over a lot and change and cut out needless words - but I'm no expert.
I did like it and you've created some magic!
Cheers,
Alan

[Ivory]

Thank you for your feed back, I will use your corrections, as it does make it flow at bit better : )

[KCthelastboyscout]

Romantic.sad.brilliant.all in one.feels like you were writing from a dream

[sette]

this is a well written poem, the ocean is a metaphor used to describe a lot of things.

[Ivory]

Thank you for your review😊

[sette]

you are welcome

[An owl on the moon]

How I love the ocean, and you bring to life the wildness of the waves, the overwhelming fierceness of the currents pulling so strong on your soul. Such a painful longing rises all around your sea passages. Beautifully haunting.

[Ivory]

Thank you for taking the time to review my work : )