to not exist

 

White plain ceilings and rainbow bracelets

Tears well deep inside my soul

My heart scraped and bruised

 

Look within my eyes

Dark, beautiful and disguised

Tears of oceans stream through my thoughts

 

Laughter I cherish, Smiles I desire

Love is yet what I yearn

To love is to be loved

 

A touch of the hand

A kiss to weaken my knees

Three words spoken within the windows to our soul

 

Wishing to be understood

To be pulled close, just a hug, a smile, anything

Dig into my world, make my fears go away

 

Dreams betray me

Love despises me no matter how much I try

Life has turned its back against me

 

Memories haunt me

Bruise me, hurt me, and ruin me

Deny me everything, I shall obey

 

Confidence rides a rollercoaster

Leaving me to fish through the world

For just that one, the one that will finally make the hurt go away

 

Young and naive

An old soul penetrates my body and thoughts

Mind over what truly matters

 

Can anyone translate my life my feelings

To touch me once and hear me moan

Goosebumps rise

 

So much love lies within me

Rotting slowly, waiting to flow

Yet not a lover to be known

 

Lonely you can tell

Whispers of secret love notes

Read between the lines

 

A girl six days from twenty one

Time still ticks and life goes on, even without you

Watching, waiting, and confused

 

Waiting for the next betrayal of rejection

A fantasy damaged as it proceeds

Wasted time, love, and life

 

Between the sheets I seem to lie

An innocent face my curse

Waiting for the day one will accidentally pay

 

Hope though does not desert me

Trying so hard to hold me firmly

Yet in the end, I am the one pushing it away

 

I've lost a part of me with every kiss, every bruise, and every wish

Now I go on wondering

Why    do    I      exist?