NINE

Jason returned to his hotel after a few hours. He flopped down on his bed and fell asleep.

Jason woke up to his phone ringing. He looked drowsily at the clock. It was eleven forty-five. Who could be calling at this hour? He let it ring, but the phone didn’t stop. Finally, he gave up and limply stood up and answered the phone.

“Mmmm?” he said.

“Jace?”

“Kate?”

“Can you come over?”

“What?”

“I can’t sleep. I need you.”

He sighed. Go over at her house in the middle of the night? This would make everything complicated. Why did she call him? His mind was still muddled. His office had called him, telling him if he didn’t fly back soon he would get fired. He was still in the midst of choosing between work and Kate. If he stayed it would be difficult to find another job, and he was already one of the highest positions in professional photography in his office. But if he left, he would lose another chance to be with Kate.

“Jace?” Kate said on the other end.

“Okay. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

 

When Jason arrived at her house on his Ducati, he paused before dismounting it. He ran his hand through his hair and clenched the hair at the nape of his neck. He sighed. His heart was beating too fast. He got off the Ducati and got to the front step. He raised his hand to knock but the door swung open. Kate was there, her hair was messy but he thought she still looked like an angel. Her eyes were alert but her smile was sad, tired, and her eyes were swollen.

“Hey.” He whispered taking a step closer to her. He gently touched the bags under her eyes. “Are you all right?”

She took his hand and pulled him inside then closed the door. “I’m having another sleepless night.”

“Maybe you should sit down.” He said.

They both walked towards the sofa and sat down. She curled into a ball on one side of the sofa.

“Every passing second seems to throb in my ears.” She whispered.

“Maybe you should just close your mind to everything. You know, don’t think, just… drift.”

She scooted closer to him. She felt his warmth. “I’m scared.”

She sounds like a lost child. You’re making everything complicated, and you don’t even know it. He thought. He put his arm around her. “It’s only in your mind, Kate. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

Her tense shoulders relaxed. Her eyes closed and after a few minutes, she was asleep.

I love you, Kate.

Jason stood up and lifted Kate up from the sofa. He carried her up the stairs and to her room. He lay her gently down and stood at the side of the bed. She was breathing deeply. He bushed away her hair from her face, slowly bent down and lightly kissed her on the forehead. He stood up and headed downstairs. The air was chilly, but he lay down on the sofa. It took him a long time before he could go back to sleep.

 

Kate woke up and saw the back of Jason’s head. He was sitting on the floor, his back leaning on the side of the bed. She sat up. He was holding a picture in his hands. She saw it. Her heart stopped beating. What is that?

“I haven’t entirely been honest with you, Kate.” Jason said. His head turned to the side.

“Is that us?” she whispered. It was a picture of them years ago. She recognized the clothes she was wearing, the lily in her hair. They were on the boat. They were kissing.

“I took this the day before I left. The day you got drunk. The day you don’t remember.” He stood up and turned to look at her.

Her hair was still bedraggled. But she didn’t care. She still looks beautiful. Jason thought.

“I… I, no. That didn’t happen. I never kissed you. We never kissed. I fainted, nothing happened.”

“You didn’t faint.” He sighed. “You drank too much, got drunk. You kissed me, cried, got exhausted and fell asleep.”

“No.” she shook her head. Tears were welling up in her eyes. “No. I… I couldn’t have.” Her mind was filled up with different things. She always thought Jackson was the first person she had ever kissed. Was she disloyal now? How could he show it to her, especially now in her emotional crisis? They were best friends. Nothing more. Just friends. But how would that explain the fast beating of her heart whenever he was beside her?

“No.” she whispered again.

“I love you Kate.” Jason said. It was the first time he had said that out loud.

The tears started rolling down her cheeks. “No. No, Jason. Not now.”

Every word stabbed. Rejection. “My office called. They said if I didn’t go back soon they would fire me. I need your answer now, Kate. We don’t have any more time left.”

“Jason…” she said, shaking her head.

“Don’t hinder your feelings, Kate.” Jason begged. “We’ve been hiding it for too long.”

“Jason, this is wrong.” She wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. “This is all happening too fast. He just died, Jason. Give me time.”

“I know this is a rush. I’ve given you all the time I have, Kate. I can’t stay here any longer. I have my priorities in New York.”

“I�"��"�”

“I’m leaving in twelve hours, Kate. That’s how much time we have left.”

“I can’t get over my husband in twelve hours!”

“He died days ago. You had four years with him. We only had a few days! When I go, when do you think we’ll see each other again? Do we have to wait another fourteen years?”

“That’s the point, Jason. Jack and I had four years! You and I only had a few days!”

Jason’s face crumpled. There was a slight crease between his eyes, and those eyes were staring straight at her; his face, hidden under a hard mask; his eyes, burning with anger, confusion, and… hurt.

“We can have more than four years with me if you want to, Kate.” He said. “You know that.”

She was quiet, then whispered. “Don’t. Don’t add to my misery.” She begged.

His face scrunched up, his eyes looking at her in pain. “I can’t believe you’re so selfish.”

Kate’s eyes flashed with anger. She got off the other side of the bed. “Me? Selfish? You’re the one who was telling me lies. And of all the times you had to tell me this now. You know I’m in pain, Jason. My husband just died and you’re not giving me time to heal.”

“I can’t believe it! Can’t you see my point of view? I’ve been trying to heal for fourteen years! I’ve waited for you, unintentionally, my heart waited for you. I came here to comfort you because you needed me, I took time away from work, I flew halfway across the country to be here, and I’ve ardently entertained your calls. Coming over when you needed me. You’ve been giving me mixed signs!”

“When?” she shouted.

“Last night! You called me in the middle of the night. You slept in my arms. Don’t you know how long I’ve been holding back?”

She was silent.

God, we’re fighting. They both thought.

“I don’t have time for this. That’s that, then.” Jason turned and headed for the door. He paused before leaving. “I love you.”

And he left.

Jason walked out of the house. He had told her. He told her he loved her. And he was rejected, in the most painful way possible. Most painful, because he knew she loved him, but still held back. It didn’t hurt as much if she didn’t like him. Not as much if she was faking.

He hopped on the Ducati and drove back to the motel. He failed his mission, now he was giving up. He asked the girl behind the reception desk for the pay phone and dialed a number.

“Hello?” Kevin’s voice said when he answered the phone.

“Kev?” Jason said. “Call the office. I’m going back.”

 

Kate’s heart was beating as she stood outside Jason’s motel room. She had to set things right. She didn’t want it to end like this.

Kate knocked on the door of Jason’s motel room. Jason opened the door slightly and saw her. His face hardened and his head turned to the side, like he was disgusted by even looking at her.

“Why did you come here?” he said. Kate saw the way his jaw was tightly set.

“Can I come in?”

His face vanished from the crack on the door. She stepped forward and pushed it open. He was near the bed, shoving his clothes in the suitcase.

“Jace,” she whispered. “Please stay.”

“I can’t. I have work to do.”

“Just a few more days.”

“Go home, Kate.”

She stepped back. “Okay.” She walked out the door. “Bye, Jace.” She whispered.

He gave no reply, so she closed the door.

 

He’s gone… Kate thought. His flight had left hours ago and Kate was at her house. With nothing else to do, she called Julie and told her everything.

“You know, he really cares for you.” Julie said. “Before he left, he came to my house and asked me to look out for you. He has some guts to ask someone something, especially someone he doesn’t know much.”

“Really?” Kate said. “He asked you that?”

“He didn’t tell me what happened between you two. He just asked me. I can feel that you’re really someone precious in his life.”

 

Jason parked his Harley Davidson on the bike rack and locked it in place. He walked around the park, camera in hand. He walked towards the pizza parlor, taking pictures of anything interesting, anything worth picturing. He walked in the pizza parlor; click here, click there. There were red cardboard cut-out hearts stuck all around, hanging on the ceiling. Valentines, he thought, ugh. Out of all the days, he had gone out on Valentine’s Day. He had spent days in his second story condominium, losing track of time. And the only time he had the guts to get out; it had to be on friggin’ Valentine’s Day.

He sat on one of the cushioned chairs and a waitress in a red apron appeared.

“Welcome, sir. Happy Valentine’s Day, what may I get you?”

“Uh, just give me a plain pepperoni.”

“Any drinks, sir?”

“Uh, just a coke.”

“I’ll be back with your order.”

“Thanks.”

His order came a few minutes later. He ate it without tasting it. When he was through, he stood up from his chair. He passed a lady in a red hat. Her head was down, and her fingers were fidgeting with the lip of the hat. She was wearing a flowered dress. He passed a couple. The woman was holding her pizza out to her spouse and he was taking a bite. He passed a group of teenagers, noisily chattering in their booth. He walked around the park once and went back to his Harley. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of red and a figure waving around. He turned his head and saw her. She was across the street in an ivory flowered dress and on her head was a red hat. The same hat he saw in the pizza parlor.

Kate signaled him over. He didn’t budge. She threw up her hands in frustration and stomped over to him. She stopped and stood two feet away. He still didn’t budge.

“What are you so shocked about?” she said.

“You’re… wearing a hat…?” he said disbelievingly.

“So?”

“You hate hats.”

She rolled her eyes. “I had to go undercover.”

It was his turn to give her silence now.

“Look,” she said. “I’m sorry.”

Silence.

“It’s just that you gave me a shock. And you’re right. I should be strong and move on. I mean, Jack said it was okay with him. I’m sorry it took me so long to get here, it’s just because you rushed me and I needed time to think things through. Now I know what I’ve decided, and I’ve decided I want to be with you. I’ve found myself falling in love with you, and I guess its okay. I’m sorry if I hurt you and�"��"�”

Jason put his forefinger on her lips.

“You make brownies, you read minds and you stalk people?”

She smiled. “Correction, I use brownie mixes.” She said, his forefinger finger still on her lips.

Silence.

His finger traced her lip then he held her chin.

Silence.

He took a step closer, his face nearing hers. She closed her eyes.

Nearer, nearer.

He could feel her breath on his face. Their lips met, and the space between them vanished. The space that separated them for fourteen years dissolved. All the secrets, all the insecurity, had disappeared. Everything was forgotten. The pain, the tears. All they were thinking about was the moment they were sharing. Right now, together.

“Smile.” Jason murmured, their lips still together.

He felt the smile on her lips. Both of their eyes still closed, he raised his camera.

Click.