EIGHT

Kate sat on the garden swing that Jack had installed for her. Beside it, was the patch of lilies Jack had planted for her. It was already dark, but the white garden path illuminated the way back to the door. One leg was propped up while the other slowly rocked the swing back and forth. The night air swirled around her, making small goose bumps on her skin. When she’d had enough, she stood up and walked back to the house.

“Jack,” she whispered to the wind. “I’m starting to feel something for him.”

The wind blew and caressed her cheek. “Do you know our secrets? Do you hear him whispering to the wind, telling you things I don’t know?”

She went in the house and everything grew still, the wind grew quiet.

Gone.

 

Jason dialed Kevin’s phone number and it took a few seconds before the receiver was picked up.

“Hello?” Kevin said.

“Kev? It’s me, Jason.”

“Jace! You forgot to call me yesterday.”

“Oh, yeah. I meant to do that.”

“You forgot to call your ol’ pal.”

“Considering how old you are I would have thought you forgot.”

“Haha.” He laughed sarcastically.

“What? No comeback?”

“How was the babysitting yesterday?”

“It was okay. The kid’s name was Jamie.”

“How was he?”

“He wasn’t as terrifying as I imagined him to be.”

“What did you do today?”

“I went canoeing with Kate.”

“And?”

“What?”

“What else?”

“We went to dinner. I didn’t tell her about what happened the day before I left.”

“About what happened on the boat?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you regret not telling her?”

“Yes.”

                                      . . .

 

Kate woke up to the sound of pebbles being thrown at her window. She got off the bed and threw open the curtain. Jason was there, a handful of pebbles in one hand, and his other one thrown back, ready to throw another one. He was wearing a backpack, and his hair still looked bedraggled. She opened the window. The sky was still slightly dark.

“What are you doing?” she whispered loudly. “It’s too early.”

“Come on.” He said. “Let’s race the sun.”

Kate rubbed her eyes and looked at the sky. She pondered for a bit, wasting precious seconds. “Okay.”

 

Thirteen-year-old Kate softly ran down the stairs. Everyone was still asleep, but Jason had called her out to race. She opened the door slowly and closed it with a soft click.

“Ready?” fifteen-year-old Jason said.

Kate nodded.

“Go!”

They ran. Wind was blowing in their hair. Their breath ran out but they still pushed on, not wanting to be beat by the sun. The sun was rising but they were almost at the lake, just a little more, they were winning.

“Yes!” they jumped up in the air.

“We won! We won!” they hugged each other.

The rays of the sun were just hitting the waves of the lake. It was beautiful. Their cheering grew quiet as they watched the light that shone on the surface.

 

“Yes!” Jason cheered.

“We won! We won!” Kate shouted.

She felt an immense sense of dejá vu as they both grew quiet. This morning seemed more magical than all the others.

“I can’t believe we ran all that way.” He said.

“I wonder what the people are thinking seeing two full-grown adults running madly, racing the sun?” she laughed.

“I bet we made some impression.”

“That’s not one thing you see everyday.”

“Come on.” He said, walking towards the lake.

They both walked along the shore then Jason stopped and took out a blanket from his backpack. He spread it evenly on the ground and took out a thermos and a plastic Tupperware filled with pancakes. He poured hot coffee from the thermos into a pair of Styrofoam cups. He took out two paper plates and two pairs of plastic utensils.

“You seem to thin of everything.” Kate said. “This is exactly what I need right now.”

“Yeah, well…” he trailed off. I care about you.

“Do you remember that one summer you lost your dog tag? And you said it was okay because it had your name on it and someone would return it eventually.”

“Yeah. But we never really found it.”

“Do you remember when I told you a few days ago that about a week after you left was finally the day I had the guts to go outside? When I went to look at the carving on Jasper?”

“Uh huh.”

“That same day was the day I received it, the dog tag. The guy went over to your place, but when he found out you moved, he asked around and gave it to me, because people said we were best friends. I have it with me, I kept it. I don’t know why, but I remembered it only now.”

“So… what’s up?” he said. How are you?

“Nothing.” I’m fine.

“Do you want to go anywhere after the movie later?” Do you want to go out with me?

“How about we go to the restaurant where I work at? We can eat dinner there.” Sure.

“Want more coffee?” Do you need anything?

“Okay.” I need you.

“Here you go.” I’ll always be here.

“Thanks.” I like you.

“You’re welcome.” I love you...

 

Jason felt a strange silence between them. Their silent conversation with each other seemed to hang in the air. Of course, not one or the other knew about what the other was thinking. Their mental confession went unheard. But still, they knew each other well enough to interpret even the slightest thought closest to what the other was thinking. They both were quiet, watching the world as it awakened. People were up and were starting to get out of the house, biking walking around, chatting with each other. But it still felt like it did moments ago. The world was still quiet, still asleep. And there was just the two of them. Them, and the sunrise they had beat moments ago.

 

                                      . . .

 

“Ready?” Mike said.

The two “couples”, though Kate and Jason weren’t considered that, were at the doors of the theater. Both ladies had their arms linked with their partners. Mike and Tess were both snug with each other but Kate and Jason both felt kind of tense due to their “confession” earlier. Both of them were rigid, a slight smile here and there but they both felt… something. There was something strange stirring inside. It felt both right and wrong.

They entered the doors, the guys holding the food and drinks. They had found a perfect spot; a row with four empty seats together with a nice view of the screen. The young couple was giddy with excitement while the older ones were trying hard to smile.

It’s way too soon. They both thought.

I’m not yet over Jack. Kate thought.

I’m not yet over her. Jason thought.

He looks nice.

She looks great.

I’m blushing.

I’m sweating.

Do something.

Say something.

They looked at each other at the same, smiled hesitantly, and looked away.

Oops. Thought both.

 

The theater was dark, and it was already halfway through the movie. Kate’s eyes were on the screen but her mind wasn’t really concentrating on it. She was breathing slowly, calming herself. Why is my heart beating so fast? She thought. Her fingers were intertwined, her hands on her lap. She tried not to touch the armrest, afraid of brushing against Jason. The quickly glanced over to him and saw he was in the same position as her. Her drink was in the cup holder between them, ice melting, still three-fourths full. She kept glancing at the scar on his arm, wondering why whenever she saw the shiny smooth skin she would feel some sort of regret. But why? Regret of not doing something, anything, a bit sooner? Regret of not keeping in touch? Not keeping their promise? Why would her unfulfilled childhood dreams come to haunt her now and add to the weight of the death of her husband? Why did she feel that caressing wind last night? Was it Jackson? Was he telling her to go for it? Was he telling her to hold back?

                                      . . .

 

Jason fought back the urge to reach out and hold Kate’s hand. He saw the way her eyes looked blankly at the screen. He felt like the same teenage boy he was fourteen years ago, asking the same questions. What was she thinking of now? Was she thinking of him? He ran his hand through his hair. He couldn’t believe his feeling for her were still there. Why hadn’t he moved on? He had the chance to do that for fourteen years. And, as always, he had lost his chance. Would he have another chance? Would he lose it again?

His thoughts drifted back to his conversation with Kevin earlier.

“Do you regret not telling her?”

“Yes.”

“Well, lover boy, you have to do things fast. The boss is asking about you. You have to come back soon.”

“But I’ve been here a few days.”

“There’s too much pressure here without you.”

Jason was quiet for a bit. “I’ll try to see what I can do.”

“Jace, hate to break this to you, but if you don’t come back soon he’ll fire you.”

Just then, Tess handed him the popcorn. He held it out for Kate and she took some. His mouth was dry, so he took his drink and sipped at the straw. It made a sucking noise. Empty. Kate took her drink and handed it over to him. He smiled at her and took a sip. The drink was watery, but at least he didn’t have a dry throat. He handed it back.

“Thanks.” He said.

She nodded.

 

“Where to next?” Mike asked.

The movie had ended and the four of them were again at the doors of the theater. People were starting to file out.

“Well, Jason and I were planning to go to the restaurant. I need to speak to Riel.” Kate said.

“Oh.” Mike said. “Well, you kids have fun!” he smiled mischievously, and then he and Tess skipped away.

“Shall we?” Jason said.

Kate nodded.

When they got to the parking lot, they both got in her car and she drove downtown. She parked in front of a roofed pathway and was greeted by a valet.

“Hi, Ryan.” Kate said. “Can you park this for me?”

“Sure Kate.” He nodded. “Hey, I’m sorry about Jack and all.”

She smiled a small smile. “It’s okay.”

Ryan took the keys and got in the car. They both walked in. There were waiters walking around with trays on one hand. The customers were dressed not too formally, but fancy enough.

“Good thing I wore my nice jacket.” He joked.

They both sat down at an empty table and ordered. Kate chatted with a few of the waiters and excused herself from Jason, telling him she had to go talk to her boss for a while. He nodded.

                                      . . .

 

Kate walked through the swinging doors of the kitchen.

“Hey!” shouted one of the chefs. “Kate’s back!”

Kate laughed. “Hi, Sam.”

She saw Julie behind one of the stoves. She waved. The kitchen was filled with chatter. She blocked out the condolences. She scanned the crowd for her boss. Someone tapped her shoulder. She spun around and saw Riel. Riel, whose real name was Gabriella, was a simple but elegant woman. She was about forty-years-old. She was divorced, but still strong.

“Haven’t seen you in a while.” Riel said.

“I know. I’m sorry.” She said.

Riel pulled her in her office. “It’s okay. Michelle’s been taking over for you. She seems to have a nice singing voice, but not as good as yours. Did you know some of the regulars have been asking where’ve you been?”

“About that… I’m at dinner with one of my friends tonight, but another reason why I’ve come here was to resign.”

Riel smiled. “Kate, I know how hard it is for you. Julie told me how you’ve been struggling so I’ve decided to give you a raise, minimum of ten percent.”

“Really?” she said, grateful. She never really wanted to leave her job, and now she had the opportunity to keep it. “You’ll really do that for me?”

“Kate.” Riel said, holding her by the shoulders. “You’ve been a loyal worker for many years now. And you’re one of my good friends. It’s the least I can do to help you out.”

Kate smiled brightly and hugged her. “Thank you so much.”

“Now, go.” Riel said, shooing her away. “Have a great dinner.”

 

Jason saw Kate walking back to the table, a huge smile on her face.

“What is it?” he asked.

She sat down. “I’ve been given a raise!”

His eyes widened with delight. “Really?”

She nodded excitedly.

“That’s great! See? Things are beginning to work out.”

She smiled.

“This calls for a celebration.” He said, signaling the waiter and ordered one of the nice white wines. He poured them both a glass and raised his. “For you, Kate.”

She clinked her glass with his. “And you.”

 

Kate looked across the table at Jason. She saw the way the sides of his eyes wrinkled slightly, which made his eyes brighter. His mouth was into a wide smile, showing his white teeth. She noticed his new habit of running his hands through his hair and also the way how his mouth curved to the right, making a lopsided smile. Her spirits seemed to lighten, her heart slowed. A slow, soft, and enchanting melody started to play down deep in the corner of her mind. It was unnoticeable at first, but it grew louder as the minutes passed by. Her music was back, her soul, her muse. She didn’t expect it to come back, but it did. And it had come back at an unfortunate time and place because it had to be here, here where she and Jackson had first met. Her throat tightened and she forced a smile.

“Can you excuse me again for a bit?” she said. “I have to go to the ladies room.”

“Sure.” Jason said.

She stood up form her chair and headed down the hallway. She held the tears in, till she was in front of the mirror. She held back and only one tear fell. She wiped it away, leaving a wet streak. No one else was in the room, which was good because she didn’t want any of her co-workers to see her crying. Was she betraying Jack now, being in the same restaurant where their relationship had first started? What was she doing here? Why did she have to bring him here? The tears were starting again, so she bit her lip and concentrated on the pain. She heard the door open, so she quickly ran to one of the unoccupied cubicles and locked the door. It took a few minutes for the woman to leave, and all that time she took a deep breath and kept it locked up in her chest. But it was a wrong move because when the woman left, it created a small lump in her throat which was starting to enlarge. She let out a breath and soon she was able to breathe again. And she realized she was taking longer as expected, so she wiped away the tears that were starting to fall. She bit her lip again and walked out the door.

 

Jason watched Kate walk towards their table. Her eyes were pink and she was biting her lip. But she had a smile on her face, and he knew it was not for him, but for herself, to reassure herself about something. She sat down and took a gulp of her white wine.

“Did you know,” Kate said, biting her lip again. “That this was where Jackson and I first met?”

Jason smiled. “Really?”

She nodded. “Yeah. I was on that stage there.” She pointed. “And, come to think of it, this was the exact same table he was sitting in, table seven. And he was there… where you are now.”

She grew quiet and his mind searched for something to say. “It’s just a coincidence, Kate. I know I can never replace him. And I don’t want to. I don’t want to be someone I’m not.”

“I didn’t say anything about that. It’s just… when I first met him…” she was quiet again, and she bit her lip, pondering on whatever was on her mind.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. It’s not really my business.”

“No. I just wanted to say he reminded me a lot about you.” She smiled, but he knew she was still sad.

So that’s why she went to the bathroom so miserably. He looked at her, knowing she didn’t get the statement he had said earlier. He didn’t want to replace Jackson; he just wanted to be a lover just as he was to her. She smiled, more for herself than for him.

“I know what you need right now.” He said.

“You always do.” She joked.

“Can you guess?”

“I need to get out of here.”

“Dang it. Aside from baking from brownie mixes you read minds too?” he joked.

“What exactly do you have in mind?”

“Well, first we need to finish our dinner and then I’ll tell you.”

 

“Drive to the motel.” Jason said as they both got into Kate’s car.

“Why?” she asked.

“You’ll see.”

She started the car and it took a few minutes to get to the motel. When they got to the motel, Jason got out and told Kate to park the car in the lot and wait for him in the lobby. He went in his room and got his keys and a flashlight. He saw Kate sitting on one of the cushioned chairs. He motioned to her and she stood up and went to him. He led her outside to the lot again and unlocked the Ducati from the bike rack.

“Ever rode on a Ducati before?” he said.

“No.”

“You’ll love it. It would be even better if my Harley was here.”

“Harley? Can you speak normal language please?”

“You mean… you don’t know what a Harley Davidson is?” he said bewilderedly.

She shook her head. “Who the hell is that?”

“It’s not a who, it’s a what. A Harley Davidson is the best brand of motorcycles in the world!”

“And you’re telling me this why?”

“Ah, poor Harley, sitting all alone at home while I’m here riding his competitor.”

“Bike addict.” She mumbled.

He smiled and got on his bike. “Hop on.” He said, patting the padded space behind him.

“Where are we going?” she said getting on.

“Who cares?” he said revving the engine. “All you need to do now is keep your mind clear and feel the wind rush by.”

“I think I want to head home tonight.”

“Okay...”

He backed up, and started slow down the road. Her arms were around his waist and she could feel how hard he was breathing, but as he drove farther it started to slow. She wrapped her arms around tighter as he drove faster. It was late, and only a few cars were out, making it easier for Jason to drive without worrying about accidents. Kate closed her eyes, feeling the wind rush on her face and through her hair. She shook her hair out. She rested her chin on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

 

Jason seemed to feel Kate’s heartbeat when she wrapped her arms tighter. All that seemed to matter now, was Kate. The time seemed to rush by. And soon enough, they were parked outside of Kate’s house.

“Do you want to come in for a bit?” Kate asked.

“I don’t know. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“Well…”

Kate went up the front steps, opened the door and motioned for him to step inside. He gave up trying to argue and stepped in. Kate followed in after him. She put her bag down on the table and went straight to the kitchen.

“Want some coffee?” she called.

“Sure.” He replied.

It was the same coffee excuse again; always used to prolong someone’s stay. But maybe he too wanted himself to stay, just for a few more minutes, just to be with her.

She came back with two steaming sups of coffee and. He had to tell her now. His time here was running out. Soon, he would have to go back. She sat down beside him, her hands wrapped around her mug. They were silent for a bit till finally she was the first one to talk.

“This feels like the moment we stayed out late one night. We were by LC, lying flat on the ground just staring the stars. Do you remember?”

Jason nodded.

He remembered that day all too well.

It was the day he first realized he was in love with her.