Do you realize?

Do you realize?

When I hear the phone rings
and your name lights up
on my phone,
I feel the warmth
rushing in,
and I just sit and stare
for a moment
and wonder if this could be true.

When I hear your voice
and the sweet words you say to me,
I want to believe it all,
but my fear is keeping me
in captivity.

I don't have much to give,
but the shattered pieces
in my heart.
Yet, there are so many
that are still missing
from the damaged
I'm still recovering from.

When you are away,
my mind never stops wondering about you.
When I lie awake,
I feel the arctic embrace
of loneliness and insecurity
parading constantly in my mind.

But when I think about
running away from your arms,
because that's what I'm use to.
I just can't complete
that thought.
It brings tears to my eyes.

You came to me
like a thief in the night.
without expectations
you took my heart without asking.
I'm so use to walking away
without looking back,
but with you.
I just can't do that.

I still wonder in awe,
looking back at our memories
as if it's someone else is
playing my life
but when I see my own reflection
in those photographs
of your arms around me,
I wonder if I'm in a fairyland.

I'm still afraid to give you all of me,
yet every day that we move forward,
it seems to slip away
into your hands.
Is fate telling me something?
Should I let go and let you have all of me?

I can't treat you like other men,
because you are unlike any other.
Although the pain just feels
like yesterday,
by the ones that came before you.

How long is your patience?
Do you know words are not enough?
I need time to heal the wounds
and mend the broken pieces
I'm still searching in my heart.

When I lash out in anger,
I'm only in frustration
of my comfort zone
you removed me from.
When I become defiant,
I'm only testing your patience,
and yet all you do
is embrace me with
encouragement.

I am torn between
the woman I use to be
and the woman I am
still searching to be.

Do I believe you are the one for me?
Absolutely,
but knowing is half the battle,
that's why it scares me so.
The possibility of losing,
cause that's all I'm use to
is loss.

But I'm here writing you this
rhyme,
to let you know that I do love you.
I can't love another
when you have my heart.

I can't break all the rules
I once did,
because I don't want to lose you
in the end.
I can't untame myself,
because I don't want to risk
hurting you.

Don't you see what you've
done to my heart?
I've grown in love with you
and it just won't stop.
What am I to do?
Do you realize,
just how much
I love you?

By:  Chong N. Kim-Tracy
20 September 2006

 

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Hard to open the door to love. Impossible to close the door to love after you allowed someone in and made them part of your life. I like the way the poem moved. With proper thoughts and desire of contentment and fear at the same moment. A very strong ending to a excellent poem.
Coyote