Fading

 

Fading

 

My life resembles a phantasm.

That lingers inside of me.

The torture, the abuse

Recants in my mind.

 

Every night, I turn the TV on,

My fingers begin to dance on the keys,

To distract the horrid memories

 

Even the noise in the background,

Won’t elude it.

Insomnia attack returns.

My eyes bloodshot with tears of suffering,

The eyes of lost innocence staring back at me.

 

My mind begins to shudder,

Because it kills me to remember

The lives I failed to save.

I speak out, to help the muted victims

In silence I long to reach my grave.

 

I toss and turn back and forth,

Contemplating life or death,

Because the pain is just too much.

 

As each day goes by,

I find myself reminiscing about my demise,

Hoping to be at truce with myself

And longing to fade into serenity.

 

I yearn for silence,

Yet my mind goes in endless reverie

Of the recanting of words

From my enemies lips.

 

Surrendering me into pathos of insanity.

Lingering as the days depart into emptiness.

I no longer cry for freedom,

I no longer cry for my voice,

Instead I plea to be rid of these flashbacks

That never cease to haunt me in my consciousness

 

Though I’ve tried many times,

To close these precious eyes of mine . . .

Demented fascination begins to lurk

Into my mind,

And I begin to rise in panic

 

 

 

As I feel my chest rise and fall

As it once did ten years ago.

 

So this one evening,

I would request my dear lord

Allow my mind fade into peace

So that I maybe free from these illusions

That robs my breath each day.

 

By: Chong N. Kim

11-11-06