Can't say Goodbye

A poem to my father who is currently suffering stomach cancer. I love you, daddy!

I think of the countless words  

We never had the chance to say,  

Of all the ways you’ve touched my heart.  

Why has there been a wall between us?  

Why do I feel so distant from you?  

Your days here are slipping away,  

An endless nightmare of uncertainty,  

And I long to lash out, to fight for you,  

Desperate to keep you by my side.  

I can’t let you go,  

Because I need you here with me.  

I've lost so much in my past,  

Made so many mistakes,  

And no number of apologies  

Can bring me peace.  

The few memories I hold  

Replay like a fragile film,  

And the thought of losing you  

Sends me spiraling into fear.  

I never truly understood  

Or appreciated all you’ve done,  

But this time I’ll do better,  

I’ll make you proud.  

Please, don’t go.  

Please don’t leave me behind.  

I’ll never forget at five,  

You taught me to tie my shoes,  

At sixteen, you warned me where to tread.  

Now I’m old enough to know,  

Yet you still kneel to tie them again,  

As if I’m still that child of five.  

When I see your frail hands,  

And your gentle smile,  

All I want is to capture the moment  

And hold it forever.  

I know I’ve disappointed you,  

But if you stay,  

I promise to make you proud�"  

That is all I ever wished for you.  

When you said you didn’t want to fight anymore,  

I wanted to honor your wishes,  

But my heart is slowly breaking inside.  

I can’t imagine my world  

Without your laughter,  

Without your smile,  

Without you at all.  

I just can’t say goodbye.  

(c) Chong Kim, 2012

I love you, daddy!  I love you very much!

Thanksgiving 2012

Reviews

[Dr. Wood ?]

the sadness that engulfs us all at some time in our lives........I lost MY Father over 10 years ago now..But he is still alive within me

[Samuel Dickens]

I can see this from both sides, and it's very touching. From the standpoint of this father, I will always accept my children, no matter how disappointing they might be. I would think it might be the same with your father, even if he won't or can't admit it. My relationship was very "iffy" with my mother, so when she died fairly young, there was so, so much left unresolved. Life is often difficult.

[Chaos_Collector]

This is certainly a heartfelt poem. I can tell you've poured many emotions into this. I only hope that your dad will be okay and everything be turn out for the best. Best regards to you and your father!

Chaos_Collector