Confessions

And now we find out a little more about Joey's life.

 

Part III: Confessions

           How she told her mother about being pregnant didn’t go how she planned. Or, that is to say it did but no as she planned it for that day. She’d met her mother on a pretty day as she recalled. She wanted to eat out on the patio but wasn’t allowed. They never ate outside. The reason it didn’t go how she wanted to be, as she suspected, was out of pure frustration from her own mother. She loved her mother deeply and knew very well that the woman meant well but Mrs. Angela Berry Crowne was, at best, a woman that was teetering on her own insanity. Joey had always thought it was rather ironic. Her mother had worked for years in the mental health and was blind to the fact that her own insanity had destroyed her relationship with her daughter and, before his death, her husband. She’d always been like this as Joey could recall. This made having an everyday conversation almost impossible to follow.

 “James called me last night.” Her mother blurted out after the silence. “Did I tell you that he proposed to Margaret?”

            Between their arrival at the restaurant and their meal arriving, her mother had mentioned this piece of information exactly four times.

 “Yes, you mentioned it.

 “So,” Her mother cleared her throat, like the next question was difficult to say. “How’s George.”

 “We broke up.” She said nonchalantly picking up her mayonnaise laden cheese sandwich. Since she became pregnant she’d been craving a cheese sandwich.

 “I’m sorry to hear that.” She wasn’t sorry to hear that at all. There was a tone that was that lay under her voice that suggested that she’d never been happier. Her mother changed the course of the conversation. "Well Joanna once you're thrown from the horse. I'm sure if you just lose a few pound you'll find someone much nicer."

            Joey had always wondered what would be the thing that would finally set her off. You see, she'd been looking for a reason for some time to just simply go off on her mother. She'd always wanted to just go on a tirade and a fit in front of her and now that the time had come she wasn't sure. Normally when petty things like this came up she would let it slide and attempt to change the subject but today was different. She always wanted to snap at her mother and yell the two words that every mother dreads hearing from her child unexpectedly. She just wanted to see what would happen. She cleared her throat. She put her sandwich down and stared at her mother wide eyed.

 "Pardon?"

 "Well, truthfully Joey, since you've been dating George I think you've put on some weight. I'm a little worried. Are you eating because you’re depressed? I don' think its healthy."

            Joey blinked at her mother only for a second. If she'd been a shape-shifting beast, it would have been here that her fangs would have elongated and her nails would become talons to rip her mother's flesh apart but that would not have been productive. The one thing that sent Joey Crowne into a small angry fit was being told by her mother that she looked fat. Her mouth drew tight.

 "You know the reason that I've gained weight." If tension were deadly, the amount in Joey's voice would have leveled Tokyo. "Mother, I'm pregnant."

            Her mother's expression wasn't shock or delight or anger; it was disbelief.

 "No you aren't."

            Joey's face fell hard. She'd forgotten that her mother didn't live in the same reality as she did. Her mother lived in some magical place that everyone was evil apart from her and her children. Her children didn't drink or smoke or have sex before they were married. It reminded Joey of the time that she had attempted to rebel against her parents by telling them, with the same reaction, that she was a Republican. Her parents laughed at her and the hurt spread in Joey's soul. She cleared her throat.

 "Yes, Mother, I am."

 "Are you sure? I mean you could be over reacting to a late period."

 "No, I'm sure. I'm sure, the OB is more sure than I am."

 "I don't believe it." Well obviously you don't believe it. You never believe me, she thought bitterly. "Does George know? Is that why he left you?"

 "No, George leaving and I being pregnant are mutually exclusive events."

 "Are you going to tell him?"

 "If I ever see him again? Maybe."

 "What are you going to do?"

 "I don't know yet."

 "You can't keep it."

 "I'm sorry, that sounded like you were telling me I can't have a baby."

 "Joanna you are too young and not in a position to take care of a baby."

 "I could too. Who are you to tell me what I can't do."

 "Well you obviously told me to you could ask for advice."

 "What? No, first of all it sounds like your denying me permission to have a baby. This isn't like a puppy. More importantly. I don't need your permission because unless you didn't notice mother I'm 25, I'm a little old for this. And second of all I didn't ask for your opinion about this. I informed you because you as my mother have a right to know."

 "Joanna, I..."

 "You what? I know what you’re going to say and yes I'm sure you are disappointed in me. That shouldn't be anything new. You've been disappointed in me for a while."

 "That's not true, I've never been disappointed in you."

 "Sure."

 "Joanna what would your father think?"

 "I think he'd want me to take care of my responsibilities and that's what I plan on doing."

 "If you keep it what are your plans?

 "I haven't thought that far mother."

            Anyone else would have left. She wanted to leave. She wanted to stand up from that table and never see her mother ever again. She had mulled over that idea for a while and realized she could handle that. It wasn't that she didn't love her mother. No one ever truly hates his or her mother. She just felt that she could love her mother more from a further distance. Instead she sat and brooded quietly to herself through the meal. She quietly vowed to herself that she would never be in this situation again. Had it not been for the wedding then she would have kept her vow.

           She cursed James everyday for it.