I-Prelude

We now join our hero as she contemplates.

 

I: Prelude

It had long seemed to her that everything in her life revolved around one specific moment. That moment seemed to be where it all ended and then began. She held on to her stomach taking a deep breath. It was days like this she felt more bloated than anything. Being bloated was worse than anything. She could handle the sickness, the waves of kicking from the bundle of life, the pangs of odd cravings for red foods but it's was the feeling of being as big as a house that she hated. Feeling bloated meant that you were weighted down. If you moved to sharply that you could knock over a building with your stomach alone. In other words when she felt bloated, she felt fat. She let out a terrible sigh with it. The made for TV lawyer movie made her mad.   His cross-examination of the witness had so many holes in it that it made Swiss cheese look sturdy.

 

“God's curse on you George Russell.” She said loudly before sitting up from her couch.

 

        And where was the Great George Russell? Had he gone off to some back wood cabin or was he one of those hippies she saw on the TV burning things in Seattle. Was he somewhere in the Gulf trying to make it rich on the newly elected Iraqi government? Or maybe, and by maybe she felt it was the most accurate, was probably in another town with another girl her age doing the same song and dance that he did with her and probably a dozen more before her. She could see him in some cafe with some girl with a novel telling her all sorts of lies and then whisking her off. Was George Russell even his real name? She didn't really care. George or whatever his name was didn't change the fact that she slept with him and ended up caring this small child.

 

She had been reading a William Faulkner novel now for her own amusement. It had been one of the ones from her parent's house. It was probably one of the ones from her brother's college collection. A book required to have been read when he went off, cast aside after the reading was done. She had a lot of books that were his that she'd been meaning to read. It has started with a pregnant woman walking down the road off looking for the absent father of her baby. It had nothing really to do with the main plot until half way through the novel but it occurred to her. She could do that. She could pack up a bag and start down the road looking for the Great George Russell. She could go from city to city hunting for him and make him be a man and take care of her and her baby. And when time came she could have her baby in a Chevron Station. She laughed at that. She knew she'd never go off to hunt for the Great George Russell like the woman in the William Faulkner novel She had her reasons.

 

Well, two reasons; One) the b***h in the novel was insane and annoying.

 

Two) If she came across George Russell, she'd put two bullets in his head. One for her and the other for the mistake that they made.

 

And that was it, she found herself back to the moment that defined her life. Where it all ended and began. Everything in her life seemed to verge on this moment. It wasn't the day she met George Russell at the bank. It wasn't the day George left just as quickly and awkwardly. It wasn't even the day she found out she was pregnant with Moonbeam or whatever. It was the she tripped and spilled her drink on Bobby Sullivan at a party three weeks before graduation from college. It had been that moment where she met Bobby that had defined everything she'd done. She'd met Bobby and she had a long conversation with the boy and that was where she should have seen it. The heavens should have opened up and sent down a chorus of angels singing Handel's Messiah with a banner saying stop and look. She should have asked him out when she had a full sense of sobriety. However the problem was that she'd never saw Bobby when either one of them was sober or therefore it was a missed opportunity. It was nights like this she missed him more than anything. The boy she never was with. It was better to think about what would never happen than what had happened. The fantasies were more comfort on nights like this than the harsh reality in front of her.

 

It was better to be in love with a man that was a ghost of a memory than the bitter remains of a phantom that left a mark. The mass of life quivered inside her again. 

 

The baby kicked harder.

 

She resolved then she wasn't going to hate the child for being begat. The baby didn't ask to be born. The baby didn't ask for her to sleep with George in the back of his van during a lunch break one sunny afternoon. It wasn't aware of the chemical reactions that had to happen in the biological connection that led to an egg being fertilized that led to her having a baby. Instead, in a way to spite George, she would move on and love the baby. She wouldn't let the hate she felt at this moment for him spill over on to an unborn child. That wasn't fair to the baby. Children are born every day that aren't loved and it isn't their fault. She settled back down on the couch. It was a nice apartment for what it was; One bedroom with high ceilings. She'd set up a crib on one side of the bedroom. It would have to do until she could find a bigger place. The money wouldn't be the problem. She thought maybe she could get the two bedrooms across the hall. She looked up at her stomach as she lay back down on the couch. It, along with her swelling breasts, rose like a large mountain from her flat body. She sighed before turning her head back to the TV. Her phone rang. She rolled her eyes. It was more than likely her idiot best friend, Andrea, checking in. It was well intentioned; Andrea just wanted to make sure that she hadn't gone off the deep end. After all both an unplanned pregnancy and abandonment wasn't easy on someone's psyche. She'd moved passed all of that though. She was no longer at the weeping and gnashing of teeth stage. She wasn't depressed and asking questions like "Why me?" or "Why didn't I break his legs?".   She hated George Russell but wasn't making any plans to hunt him down and the pregnancy well she had to deal with it. She wasn't as fragile as people thought she was. She was made of stronger stuff. The phone rang again. She'd let the machine get it. She rolled to a side and watched the movie. She wondered how long it would be until something good would be on. The machine clicked on. Good news, she thought, it wasn't Andrea. It was far worse.

 

"Joanna its mom." The filtered voice said. Oh no must be serious. I'm Joanna. "I hope you aren't just sitting in your apartment sulking about things and out with friends." Friends? I have Friends?" Just calling to remind you that the Rehearsal for James's wedding is at 6 tomorrow at the church and then we're going to have the dinner. Please be on time. And try and look nice. I know money's tight for you but really could you?" Money wasn't tight. She made plenty of money. She even calculated that with the baby she'd still be able to take care of both of them. After all, she often thought she might be the highest paid secretary in the world. "Give us a call Joanna. We'll talk to you later."

 

She was thrilled that she didn't answer the phone. She'd call mother tomorrow. Perhaps she wouldn't. Perhaps she'd just leave it alone and show up tomorrow to the rehearsal in ripped jeans and a three-day-old stained shirt. Her mother's head would explode. She decided against it. After all Mother was already sounding pretty crazy. She was using the first personal plural again. It was times like this that Joey expected her mother forgot that her husband was dead. James the Doctor was getting married to his girlfriend Margaret. Mother of course being mother was simply hyper and over compulsive for something she had very little control. She wondered if her shrink had upped her medication for the week. If he hadn't, perhaps he should. She wasn't looking forward to being with James the Doctor or Mother. It would be another time where mother could inform her about the options and difficulties of being a mother with out support. James of course would be the arrogant a*****e that he was in situations that centered around him. She could remember the day he graduated from Medical School. How could she not, she hadn't been invited. He invited their mother, he invited Margaret and he invited everyone in that dumb fraternity but not his little sister.

 

It was times like this that Joey wondered if her father had intentionally caught lung cancer and died.

 

It would explain all those mysterious trips outside behind the house and the smell of smoke.

 

She stared beyond a point on the TV towards the wall. She thought to herself. Did she want to go out later? Maybe she'd see a movie or go to the bookshop.   She suspected she'd spend another night watching Law and Order.

Author's Note

Yea, don't complain about my grammar or spelling. I already know.

Reviews

[Katreya]

Hmm, interesting! Basing the review just on the storyline, it's definitely enough to grab your attention with the opening sentences about the beginning & the end revolving around one point in time, and even better when it seems that point is not in fact the one most people would base it on.

Everything flows nicely, but it does make one wonder - what's the actual storyline going to be? There's not too much of a hint, and it might help to maybe explore the future options. There was mention of the book she's reading leading to a possible hunt for George but the door for that is closed within the paragraph, and the rest simply plods on with the very simple and mundane.

Might be good to throw in a few tidbits of what the rest of the story is about :)

Other than that, awesome job! If you want a hand sorting the grammar so you DON'T get people mentioning it, let me know. Throw it into Microsoft Word or spend a good 5 minutes and that'd do the trick!

Joanna/Joey seems like a good character. It'd be good to explore her depth more in future chapters. :-)