To Die Tomorrow

here's yet another Eglish 3 assignment

To Die Tomorrow:

 

If I were to die tomorrow

would you even shed a tear?

would you be overcome with sorrow

and hold me tight and dear?

 

would you kiss me one last time

before laying me to rest

and remember our rapid climb

through the bad days and the best?

 

if you would than I'm sorry

for I can't do the same

I may seem very chary

but for this I cannot aim

 

I said that I love you

but this was all a lie

and the reason why I refused

is because you made me die

 

you crushed me with your kindness

and made my breath hold tight

my eyes were struck with blindness

when you showed me your true light

 

so if I were to die tomorrow

would you now shed a tear?

and be overcome with sorrow

and hold me tight and dear?

Author's Note

what do you think?

Reviews

[A.r. Bazian]

it could not be any happier!
its how the words came to be... its how she felt... denying the pain and the aim of the poem is to deny the writer his/her feelings!
and the words were nicely put and with such ease... i do not think the rhyme is forced at all!
i found it touching... and well written!

nice poem!
keep it up!

[Travis Lawrence]

Nice flow, but the rhymes seem a bit forced to me. Regardless, it's honest and I feel for the speaker. It's such a morbid thought to think about, holding onto the corpse of a loved one. It's like that short story by D.H. Lawrence, Odour of Chrysanthemums, when Elizabeth is forced to clean her dead husbands body after he was crushed. My favorite line from that story, while she's looking at his dead naked body:

"And her soul died in her for fear: she knew she had never seen him, he had never seen her, they had met in the dark and had fought in the dark, not knowing whom they met or whom they fought ... he was apart all the while, living as she never lived, feeling as she never felt."

Have a nice day!

[Wolfwind Words]

I think its well writen, and it flows, but i don't know how someone could be given to much light and to much brightness?