Miscellaneous

       Miscellaneous

                                                                     Fast Company

     “Fast Company,” was a film, starring Tim Matheson, and Ann Jillian. He played a cop, and she played a journalist. They were often at odds, with each other. I played a business man, participating in a high-stakes poker game. This game was held in the “library,” of a very nice home, that I was told, belonged to Aaron Spelling. Tim Matheson’s character, “Jack Matthews,” was also playing poker with us. He was there to arrest one of the other card players, who was a notorious gangster. 

     The production team must have argued for 15 minutes, about whether or not, I should wear a necktie, and if so, how should I wear it, and what kind should it be. Finally the director came over, snatched a necktie out of the wardrobe lady’s hand, draped it loosely, around my neck, and said, “This is a poker game, not a funeral, and he is off work, relaxing. We don’t have time, for all of this!” 

     At some point, during the scene, Tim Matheson’s character attempts to arrest the bad guy, seated to my left, and suddenly everyone is pointing a gun, except me. I sat as far back, in my chair, as I could, and nervously looked from right to left, without moving my head. The director liked my reaction, and when we cut, he said, “That stuff you did with your eyes, was great. Let’s do it again.” We shot the scene several more times, while the camera moved around the table, getting individual reactions, from everybody. I repeated my performance each time, and in between takes we got to talk with the principle actors. 

     I was very careful to avoid talking about show business, preferring to speak of sports, the weather, and such. These topics are usually safe to talk about, to anyone, including celebrities. I did mention that I had no idea that EVERYBODY except myself, would be pulling a gun. “That is how we got the reaction, from you, that we wanted,” the director informed me. Hollywood is full of these types of surprises. When the film aired, my scene was kept in it, and I got phone calls from family, and friends, asking if it was really me. I guess the director did like me. It was my second close up. 

                                                               Memory Loss 1

     I cannot remember the name of the production, but we were at a theatre, located on an upper floor, just off the street, in Hollywood. We were there at night, and production was trying to get a really long steady-cam shot. A steady-cam is usually attached to a harness, that the camera operator wears. It has all kinds of different shock absorbers, built into it, so no matter what, you can still get, what looks like a smooth shot. This particular shot, started in the street, came across the sidewalk, up an escalator, across the mall, and into a theatre. It was less than a 5 minute shot. Took the production company 14 hours, and almost 20 takes, to get what they wanted, but they got it. I hung out in the theatre lobby, all night, and some extras actually got into trouble, for trying to sneak into the theatre, and watch the movie. It was one of the many “mall” theatres that have many different movies playing. These extras were lucky because they could have been sent home. Production just told them to get back, to work. We wrapped right during the morning rush hour. I just hung out, in Hollywood until rush hour was over. Easier to drive home, that way.

 

     

                                                                

                                                                       The Honeywagon

     The honey wagon, if you don’t already know, is the bathroom. Usually on location. Rumor has it, that the honey wagon, gets it’s name, from the honey colored s**t, that comes out, when it is emptied. I don’t know if it’s true, or not, but I have always thought it was a strange name to give a mobile s**t house. I mention it here, because, like everything else, in show business, the extremes were something else. You can have a construction site honey wagon, or you can have an air-conditioned, carpeted, suite, with saloon doors, wood paneling, and your favorite oldies, playing, while you change clothes, lose your lunch, or whatever. On cold nights, a heated honey wagon was definitely a welcome thing. 

                                                                        Memory Loss 2

     Found myself wandering around “Paramount Studios, one day. Cannot remember why I was there. Suddenly I saw half, of a Klingon “Bird of Prey.” All you “Star Trek” officianados, will know what this is. This prop was setting inside what looked like a giant tank, that the studio had constructed. I assumed it was probably used, for the movie, “Star Trek IV The Voyage Home.” I could be wrong, but that is what it looked like, to me. Another time when I regret, not taking a picture.

                                                                           

                                                                         The Late Shift

     “The Late Shift,” was a made for TV movie, produced by HBO. It supposedly told the story of the rivalry between Jay Leno, and David Letterman, over who would get Johnny Carson’s time slot, when he retired from, “The Tonight Show,” after 30 years, as it’s host. I was around when all of this happened, and at the time, I did not care. It did not seem to me, like there was any sort of rivalry, between Jay, and Dave. I was more upset because Johnny was retiring, and in my humble opinion, he could not be replaced, by anyone. This event was, as usual, made bigger, than it really was, by the media. Also my humble opinion. 

     

     The scene I worked on, was a news conference, with David Letterman. In the film, Dave is played by John Michael Higgins. He was the only cast member, I remember seeing. During a break between shots, we played an impromptu game of “Jeopardy,” with mr. Higgins, playing the role of Alex Trebek, who currently hosts the show. Imagine my surprise when Mr. Higgins, pointed to me, and said, “Sir, you have the next category.” I could not resist. Especially since my friends, and co-workers, were there. So I replied, “I’ll take sex toys, for 800, Alex.” Imagine my further surprise, when he said, “According to rumor, this polished chrome vibrator, was the inspiration, for the name of this popular musical group.” Another extra, in the crowd, shouted, “Who is Steely Dan?” Mr. Higgins replied, “That is correct sir, and you have control, of the board.” Events like this always made working in show business, a lot of fun. Just like the time, on the set of “Path to War,” when John Frankenheimer told stories about the “Good Old Days,” of movie making. 

     Another fun thing that happened, probably happened, more often than anyone knows, and that is when an extra gets booked as a news reporter, with his, or her own camera. Sometimes, extras like myself, or one of my friends, will bring a camera, with film in it. Production rarely checked for this, but sometimes they did. “The Late Shift,” was not one of these times. So we got a lot of photos. One of my fellow extras, said to me, “I have a new roll of film, for my camera, but I don’t want anyone, to see me loading it.” I advised this person, to go to the bathroom, and load the camera there. As a result, I got quite a few pictures, most of which, I no longer have. I still have at least one photo of John Michael Higgins, from that day. This was one more occasion, when working on the film was more fun, than watching it. Nowadays everything is digital, so I don’t know if taking photos, on set, is easier, or more difficult. I am sure there are extras, who have figured a way around production. We always do.

                                                                          The Cell 

     When I found out, I had been booked on “The Cell,” and told my friends, a lot of them said they were jealous, because I would be working on a film, starring Jennifer Lopez. One guy said, “What will you do, if you meet her?” I replied, “I’ll say, could you sign my copy of, “Selena?” He knew this was bullshit. “Yeah, right,” he scoffed. “To be honest,” I said, “If I have the chance to say hello, I will. If not, that’s ok too.” He slapped my arm, “Pretty lucky for you. Union work. Only a handful of extras. You got a good chance of meeting somebody famous.” Now it was my turn, to scoff. “I don’t give a s**t, if I meet somebody famous, or not.” He smacked my arm again. “I didn’t say you gave a s**t. I said it was a small call, so your chances of meeting somebody famous, are pretty good. I would be a little star struck, working around J-Lo, all day.” Before I could respond, he said, “She’s beautiful, she’s famous, she’s sexy, she’s,” “Knock it off!,” I interrupted, “When I asked Ginger Lynn, for her autograph, she was buck naked! Ginger lynn dude! Naked! She was hotter than a fresh fucked fox, in a forest fire! I met Maureen O’Hara! You think I will be intimidated by J-Lo?” He smiled, and said “yes.” I flipped him off. “Just because you want to eat the peanuts, out of her s**t, don’t mean I do.” Now it was his turn, to flip me off. All this BS was irrelevant, because the day I worked on the film, Jennifer Lopez, was not there.    

     I played the railroad worker, who found the body, near the tracks. What body? What tracks? We were working near some railroad tracks, somewhere in southern California. Production announced there would be an actual moving freight train, in the scene, and we should pay attention to it, at all times. According to the script, the “body” I found, was a girl who had been bleached white, by her killer. I do not remember seeing a body, while I was there. I saw something that looked like a body, but I couldn’t say, for sure, that’s what it was. It was wrapped in a tarp, and had the shape of a body. 

     I did get to say hello to James Gammon. It was early in the morning, and we were all standing around, drinking coffee, waiting for production, to work out details with the guys, operating the train. 

     Production placed me seated, on the back of an ambulance, that had it’s rear doors open. Another extra, dressed as an EMT, was placed near me, with a clipboard in his hands. He was supposed to be interviewing me. The scene was like this. Someone says, “Who found the body?” Someone else says, “A railroad worker,” and the camera cuts to me. I am very visible, and my friends say I was shaking, like I was nervous, or scared.. That is the direction I was given. After all, I just found the bleached, naked body of a young girl, who had been tortured. The first time sound rolled, the EMT, who was interviewing me, said in a low nonchalant voice, “So, how long have you had a small penis?” I had to damn near bite my tongue off, to keep from laughing out loud, during a serious scene! 

     While we were shooting this scene, the director decided to have one of the policemen, offer me some coffee, from his thermos. I was told to shake my head, and say, “No thanks.” We rehearsed the scene, with me saying, “No,” “No thanks,” and “No thank you.” Right before sound rolled, I was told to shake my head “No,” and say nothing, so I am not speaking on camera. Later that same day, one of my fellow extras told me he had witnessed the director, and another man, discussing whether, or not, I should be allowed to speak, on camera. I was working on a SAG voucher that day. If I had spoken, on camera, with sound rolling, the production company would have been required by the Screen Actors Guild, to give me a “Day Player” contract, and raise my pay considerably. If the film had been released, with me speaking on camera, production would have had to pay me the day player rate again, upon it’s release, and then they would have had to pay me residual money, for who knows, how long. At the very least, production saved a couple thousand dollars, by not allowing me to speak, on camera. It was still a good day, for me. I still got a nice paycheck, and besides, I love trains. Used to ride them everywhere. That’s another story.