More S**t Happens

 More S**t Happens

     My calling service was liable to book me on anything. I mean anything. If you want to work in Hollywood, and you are an extra, you cannot turn down work, very often. If you do, you will not get booked, very often. I told my calling service, that I would work on anything, anywhere, at any time. That is how they booked me. I refused to do nudity, but other than that, I did not care. As a result of this, I was able to work on a wide variety, of different productions. 

     One such, was on one of the revamped versions, of the old, “Gong Show,” I cannot remember if it was “The New Gong Show,” “Extreme Gong,” or “The Gong Show Live.” The original “Gong Show,” was on in the mid, to late seventies. It featured 3 celebrity guests, who would judge the talent, of the contestants, appearing on the show. If you were judged to have little, or no talent, one of the celebrities, would strike a large gong. The sound was your cue, to get off the stage, because you were a loser. The show died a relatively quiet death, in the summer of 1978, but in the nineties, someone decided, it would be  good , to resurrect, the show. I have absolutely, no idea why.

     I was booked, as a redneck, hillbilly type, who with a large “chaw,” of tobacco, in my mouth, and an old brass spittoon, under each arm, walked out on stage, with the ability to “spit,” to music. Of course I was gonged, as well as booed. The director told me, this would happen, and that they were only using me, to fill, an empty space, in the show. I got paid some odd numbered amount, like  one hundred sixty seven dollars, and thirteen cents. They paid the winners, a weird number too. Still, not bad, for a days work. Incidentally, the “chaw of tobacco,” was really a mouthful of black licorice. All the better, to make my performance, more disgusting. The show, I was on, also featured a guy, playing a guitar, in his underwear. His guitar was strategically placed, and he called himself, “The Naked Cowboy.” He was gonged too.

     Some sets, they treat you like a king. Others do not. Still others treat you like you are less than human. These sets, deserve whatever happens, in my opinion. I once worked, on a set, where the production company, actually expected us, to eat lunch, in the pouring rain. I and my roommate, decided to pass on lunch, opting instead, to go to the car, start it up, turn on the heat, and get warm. Did I mention, it was cold, and raining, long before lunch? We were spectators, at a baseball game, being played, in the rain. “I’ll take stupid s**t, for $800, Alex.” A member of the production company, stopped us, and asked where we were going. “Gonna go to the car, and get warm,” I said. “You can’t do that.” I think he is intentionally trying, to piss me off. “Why not?” “We don’t want to have to come looking, for you, when lunch is over.” I looked him dead in the eye, and said, “If you have to come looking for me, you will not find me.” We then walked off, to our car, and got warm. We came back after 90 minutes. Nobody even noticed, we were gone. We finished the day, and never went back. Casting had a hard time finding extras, for this production, once word got out about how poorly people were treated. In addition, the film did not do very well, at the box office, and we were all happy, about that.

     About 2 years, after, “Waterworld,” I worked with John, again. I was standing in line, waiting to check-in, and I noticed, he was one of the people, checking us in. I stepped out of line, and walked up to the front, taking my SAG card out, on the way. He did not notice, until I placed the card down, on the table, in front of him. He picked it up, looked up at me, and I said, “Thanks John. I couldn’t have done it without you.” He stood up, and shook my hand. “Congratulations,” he smiled, “Nobody ever comes back, and says thank you.” I shrugged, “Would have done it sooner, but I haven’t seen you , for quite awhile.”  “It’s ok,” he said, “I’ve seen other people, I’ve helped out, and nobody ever says thank you. You working today?” “Yeah, I’m booked as a security guard.” He then let me cut in line, because I needed to get over to the wardrobe department, and get dressed. At some point, during the shoot, John needed one of the security guards, to interact, with one of the principle actors. He asked me first. I turned him down, because my SAG status, was questionable, and I did not want to cause problems, for John. If it had been anyone else, I would have taken the work, and pled ignorance, of SAG rules. The other security guard, got the promotion, and the pay raise. He was upset, because John did not ask him first. What an a*****e! John said, “I asked him first, because I know him, and I have worked with him, in the past. He has never caused me, any trouble. I just met you. I don’t know you, and I don’t remember seeing you, on any of my sets, before. That’s all there is, to it. If I had a choice, I would use him, and send you home. I don’t have a choice, so today is your lucky day.” It was only a one day shoot. I have not seen, or heard, from John, since then. I hope he is alive, and well. I never did find out if he worked for casting, production, or both.

     The best part about playing a homeless person, is you get to wear clothing, you do not care about. If they are ill-fitting, or mis-matched, it does not matter. On the film, ”Strange Days,” I got placed inside a refrigerator box. My direction was, “On action, count to three. Then crawl out of the box, and walk over to the burning trash can, to warm, your hands. A friend of mine pushed a grocery cart, full of recyclables, down the street, all night. He is no longer with us, but I still have pictures, from that movie. We were on location, in east Los Angeles. Another time I was asleep, or passed-out, on the sidewalk. Cannot tell it was me. I still have the hat, I was wearing. In “Megiddo” (The Omega Code 2) I was wrapped in a blanket, next to a burning trash can. 

     Then there was the time I was homeless, on a city bus. One of my colleagues, got a “Stunt Bump,” for allowing, a little old lady, to hit him, in the face, with her purse. Repeatedly. I was standing right there when the producer said, “You got any kids?” The guy nodded, and said, “Two.” “Well, one of them, just got their college, paid for.” We all applauded. Innocent bystander earns tuition, in only 8 hours! Not bad!