Go to Jail!

Go to Jail!

     My first appearance, on TV, as an extra, was as a prison guard, in a jailhouse.  I think it was “Melrose Place.” I opened the cellblock doors, so one of the stars, of the show, could go home. I cannot remember who it was, so I will steal from Charles Schultz, and say it was the pretty red-hared girl. I was on camera, for maybe 2 seconds, and made about 60 dollars. Another time, on the same show, I spoke to Heather Locklear. Every time they did the scene, her character stopped, not far from where I was standing guard. Every time the director yelled, “CUT!” she immediately kicked off her shoes. They looked to be at least 8 inch heels, if not longer. The thought occurred to me, that they might just as well placed her, on stilts. She probably would have been, more comfortable. During a break in shooting, I said to her, “If I tried to walk, in those shoes, I would fall down, and kill myself.” She smiled at me, and then said, loud enough for everyone, to hear, “Well they are certainly killing, my feet!” Not long after this outburst, we wrapped, for the evening. Coincidence? I hope not.

     On “3-Strikes,” I played a prison chef. We worked at the Sybil Brand Institute, for Women, located east, of downtown Los Angeles. This jail, closed its doors, to inmates, in 1997. It became a place, to shoot, jail scenes. I worked there in 1999. I was the “boss chef,” of the prison kitchen. I had to wear a traditional white chef’s uniform, and all during the shoot, people kept poking me, in the stomach, because I looked like the Pillsbury doughboy. I do not believe I am visible, in this film, but it was a lot of fun, and it inspired me, to do my best, to stay out of jail.

     I got a pay adjustment on, “Livers aint cheap,” which later changed it’s name to, “The Real Thing.” A story about using robbery, to pay for body parts. I have never seen the film. I took part in a fight, in a prison holding cell. There were 10-20 inmates involved, so it was a good sized holding cell. We also shot some scenes, in the regular, 8-man cells. I stood on apple boxes, and production launched an inmate, right at me, with a springboard. I deflected him, into a wall, and he landed on a bunk. My base pay was raised from $4o for 8, to $65 for 8. They gave me an extra 50 dollars, on top of the pay raise, for performing a stunt, while standing on 2 apple boxes. We only rehearsed, 2, or 3 times, and maybe shot it twice, so I was paid, for the danger involved, not for the actual time it took, to get the shot. I still wonder if my scene, ever made it, into the film. I hope so.

     The highest rank, I ever reached, was a bailiff, on the TV show, “The Practice.” Casting booked me, because I had the prerequisite, black pants, black shoes, black belt, and white shirt, etc. The wardrobe department dressed me in their own blue uniform shirt, but everything else, was mine. Every once in awhile, a bailiff speaks, on camera. No such luck, for me. I just walked around, unlocked doors, and jingled my keys, all day. Even when I played a lawyer, I played a lawyer, who keeps his mouth shut. In my humble opinion, they are the best kind of lawyers. 

     I worked on “The Practice,” a few times. I got to meet Ed Asner, on an episode, he was in. I told him, “You are in one of my favorite movies.” He said, “Which one?” I replied, “El Dorado.” “Oh yes,” he smiled, “Those were the good old, I mean bad old days.” He was surprised I remembered him, from that film. So, I not only met Lou Grant, I met Bart Jason too