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I am a dark soul

Lost in the light

Blinded by the Gospel

Befriended by the angels

 

Suddenly my burnt flesh

Healed by itself

And between my grieves and sufferings

I found happiness

 

Then I saw their faces

So bright and so light

Coming towards me

With arms open wide

 

I was petrified

I wanted to hide

But there’s nowhere to go

So I shouted, ‘In the name of Satan, be lost!’

 

They laughed

And said I should be at ease

Saying that I am saved

That I no longer be enslaved

 

I ran away

I searched for darkness

I looked for the demons

But I couldn’t find them

 

For I have sinned against Satan

And this is my repentance

~

Reviews

[Faffy]

i would firstly like to say......ARE YOU SURE ur not a native english speaker? and secondly what a wonderful piece! the imagery in the very first stanza grabbed me by the neck and made me keep on reading =) as for the structure i found that at time the rymes you have used seem forced:

"I was petrified
I wanted to hide"

but the rest was brilliant!

i also liked the fact that you had a title like that it made me very curious and i couldnt really judge whether i wanted to read it or not but im so glad it did =)

keep writing my friend =)


-Roshan

[SimpleMind]

Well, I'm a Filipino and my native language is Tagalog but I speak Cebuano in our place. hehe I'm glad you like this one..and as for the rhyming things, I didn't bother about it. Maybe I'll just leave this as it is (I'm actually lazy haahaha)

haha and I was tired of thinking of a good title and so I came up with this one...well, thank goodness that you did my friend..hehehe thanks a lot again!!

[Tarry Franck]

Great write - How did you come up with that title?

[SimpleMind]

I randomly typed in the keyboard :)
hehe thanks :)

[Tarry Franck]

;)

[The 13th Eros]

A brilliant, blinding ray of twisted light. This does stun the mind and heart in its soulful gaze.

[SimpleMind]

Thanks a lot Eros! and how are you by the way? hehe

[The 13th Eros]

Doing well, but missing you. Hope you're smiling and dancing. :)

[SimpleMind]

AW~
Yes I'm smiling,..but dancing?? Noo!
Miss you too my friend!!

[The 13th Eros]

Ahhh... well.. smiling is wonderful! Good to see!

[s y e]

I don't get the title.... What's it supposed to say.

The poem is good, it's very well written and has meaning to it.

[SimpleMind]

Haha nevermind the title..it's just a random letters typed when I ran my finger across the keyboard..I can't think of a good title for this piece actually. And thanks a lot for reading :)

[s y e]

Ah fair enough :-)

[Invisible]

i like the poem, but what's with the title? did you just randomly type with crazy fingers? lol

[SimpleMind]

I just ran my finger once in the keyboard...I can't think of a title.
Thanks for reading my 'old' friend :)

[Invisible]

i thought so lol. no problem, my so-called 'simpleminded' friend :)

[SimpleMind]

:))

[Angel Charles]

I liked this, it was a good read because you've written it very well and with meaning I suppose, good work!

[SimpleMind]

Yes, it has its own meaning :)
Thanks a lot for reading

[Brandon S. Whitten]

Good read and write.

[SimpleMind]

Thanks Brandon :)

[Storm K.]

This was quite a thought provoking poem, and I like the alternate style of having the narrator feeling bad for turning away from the Devil - makes a refreshing change from the 'norm'. Doesn't give much description of place, but I appreciate this is mostly the narrator's thougths and in that way the abstract nature of this poem works. Nice rhythm and the detection of a rhyme scheme that I think could either be enhanced or left alone. Nice write :)

[SimpleMind]

Thanks a lot Storm...and sorry I forgot about the place. This is a quick poem so I wasn't able to write more details. XD

[Storm K.]

It's fine- I didn't think you'd forgotten about the place, I just reckoned it wasn't necessary for the poem (which it isn't!)

[SimpleMind]

Haha you're right. Or else it'll be longer. XD

[Kyle Sky]

Very interesting... an alternate thinking to how a sinner repents to the light, or rather a saint turns to the dark. Truly, this adds many thoughts to mind- is betrayal towards sin a sin itself, does one's pain be paradise as his pleasure be hell. Very well expresssed poem yet vague in thought. The poem's vague expression of good or bad is one of the unique quaities that the poem possesses. Great piece.

[SimpleMind]

Thanks a lot :)
And yes, we always talk about angels and how angels feel when we sin...but a coin really have two side,..sometimes three hehe

[Coyote Poetry]

No law to hold you to goodness or bad. We have options to dance with the Devil or fly with the Angels. A interesting poem. I have study religion my whole life. Belief is hard to maintain. Easy to fall by the wayside and wish for a place to land properly. I like the ending. I believe the Devil like people to return. Thank you for the excellent poem. Made me think this morning.
Coyote

[SimpleMind]

Welcome :)
And thanks for your insight ...indeed we have a choice..at the end of the day, we still have the choice :)