It started with a crush, and then you don't know if that person will like you that way, especially if they are a friend...
Even if they are with someone else or not who you want them to be...you still care for them...
Even if the two of you have so much in common it's scary...
You know that they are trustworthy and that heightens what you may or may not feel for them, and it's hard to let go of a dream...
Even though you might have had a bad feeling with whom they were with...
Even if at one point you said that person, your friend, is close like an older brother you never had, that you could never feel that way about them …and you were proven wrong....
Then you look back and realize that person may only think of you as a friend...or a younger sister they never had...
That maybe you are not what they are looking for in a relationship, personality wise or physically, even if you are the best of friends, and yet they are ... exactly what you are looking for...
And the feeling won't go away and eats at you. You are afraid it will become an obsession and you don't want to lose that person as a friend...
That his friendship is not worth losing to a stupid crush that won't go away...
That if you tell him, he would never look at you the same way again...
That you can never tell them for fear of rejection...
That you, who are normally very brash and blunt, hide in the shadows nursing your wounded pride because you let those feelings run so deep...
That you, who have waited for the right moment to tell them...realize it was too late...and so kept it to yourself and put it in the back of your mind, trying to be content with the world around you...
Then in a single moment in time ... saw absolute happiness and accomplishment in their entire being, not just for themselves, but for you as a friend and sister as well...
And you cried in happiness...and sought comfort in that strong embrace...in the strong protective arms of your friend and brother...
Then that moment passed, the world started to spin again and the glow that surrounded him dimmed and reality sank back in...
And it hurt ... hurt so much you stopped feeling for a few moments...
And that even now, as you contemplate about it it takes an almost dreamlike appearance that was perfect...that he glowed so brightly that it almost blinded you...then you almost wished it never happened because the moment after hurt so much...
Then you grow up...
Then you are in the real world and feel absolutely lost ...
Then you are desperate to find that friend so that you don't feel the loneliness you have felt before you met them...
He who you have always sought comfort from since you first met him...
And has always lifted you up every time you fell down...and will always be like an older brother...
Who was always patient with you and calmed you down...who knew you
Whose kind and loving charm was so beautiful that you were drawn to it...like a moth to a flame that burns so brightly...and never pushed you away...no matter what you did...
Who would always offer a warm strong embrace that makes your heart flutter and you feel a shiver down your back...a shoulder to cry on and a hand to pull you up from your fall...
Who was there when you childhood friend left and you had felt so lost...
And you seek him again, to be there for you again … and to be there for him again...
Because isn't that what friends are for?
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