Bloody Germans

8. The German Highways and Byways  

 Off-road Car Parking

One area that I can give the Germans a lot of credit for, is in their street or road parking. In UK, especially in small residential side streets but also, within main road busy shopping precincts, many times these streets are hampered by traffic congestion due to kerbside parking. A fairly wide road can be easily reduced to one narrow lane simply because of the parked cars on either side. It will be argued by many in Local Government Offices, that this problem is often alleviated by the introduction of double yellow lines and parking restrictions, especially down one side of the road. This of course does not occur in all of Britain’s roads and streets, but even where it has been applied, it still does not fully alleviate the problems due to, not only the many drivers who ignore these parking restrictions, but mainly because there are other drivers who are exempt from these rules; delivery vehicles or handicapped occupants or drivers to name just a few. A very busy main street that contains several shops and supermarkets and is also a bus route -- that can become quite seriously congestive due to the kerbside parking of drivers who are allowed park there and in doing so, help enormously to block up the whole roadway. Thus making all the parking restrictions totally ineffective.

It is the same with residential narrow side streets, especially those without parking restrictions and even moreso, when they are on main bus routes -- these streets are narrowed so much, it is seldom possible for two cars to pass by each other when coming from opposite directions. It is often a case of one car, either pulling into a short empty space that might be free from a parked car, or reversing back to find some other space to allow the oncoming car to come through. This give and take driving can happen several times when attempting to take a short cut through one of  England’s many side streets.

In Germany, they hardly ever have this problem.

The footpaths that run along either side of the roadways, have frequent cut out sections, similar to some of Britain’s pull-in bus stops. Here a car can pull in, park and be completely off the main highway. The space allowed in these car park pull-ins can vary from three to very many cars; sometimes they will stretch the whole distance of a long roadway, and be present on both sides of the road. The main highway is always kept free due to this simple method of off-the-road parking. This idea not only exists on main highways, but also in many side-streets. But in those areas where it is not possible, due to the narrowness of the road, off-road parking is allowed within several allocated sections on the footpath itself. If there are trees on those footpaths, then small metal or stone barriers will be erected around the trees in order to protect them should a car get to close to cause damage. Again, side streets are kept free and wide open, whilst residents or visitors park their cars.

In England, I have seen many times, wide roads on main bus routes, that are seriously congested due to cars being parked on either side -- what has made this situation even more ridiculous, is that although the footpaths on either side are considerably wide, the footpath itself is still narrow because grass verges have been put in place alongside them. These grass verges are nothing else but grass verges; they may contain the odd tree at varying distances but other than that -- it’s just grass. It would seem so logical for cars to free the roadway and park on these areas, but that would be against the local law and so would incur a heavy fine on the car owner. To me, it is just useful space that is wasted, especially during such heavy road congestion, due to cars being parked on both sides of the road.

 Road Repairs

Another area of obvious good German organisation, is in the simple art of repairing the roads after a hole has been dug.

In Britain, road repairs have always been a joke but often, the reality of it is far from being humorous.

First come along the Gasmen, who dig up the road to make repairs to their pipes. When they are done, they fill in their hole and resurface it with tarmac. Not long after that, usually within the same week.., next along come the Electricity men, who then begin to dig up the same hole. When they are finished and the hole has again been refilled and resurfaced -- along come the Telephone guys, who dig it all up again. This circus goes on right through by many other interested parties; the Water Company, the Sewerage, the TV Cable Company -- the list is endless. And worse still, many times it all goes on after a bran new road has been completed and neatly tarmaced; they all appear one after the other and each in turn -- dig it all up again!

So we have a road, that was originally decided by a Local Council that it was in bad shape and desperately in need of repair. So they repair it. But by the time as all these other company road diggers have finished with it -- it is has been quickly returned to the same condition that it was before the Council decided it needed repairing!

When the road was first made good by the council, they surface tarmac it from kerb to kerb and down the whole stretch of the roadway. This was fine; a smooth road from end to end. However, when the potholer’s arrived, dug their holes and then filled and re-surfed them again, they only re-surf the area in which they dug up. And unlike the council road workers, they do not use the same expensive heavy equipment; just a few buckets of hot tarmac and a handheld thumper to pat it down. Their tarmac is far from being of a good quality workmanship and more often than not, does not lie level with the existing tarmac. It finishes up with several large bumps in the road, that is hoped the constant flow of traffic will soon flatten down and level off.

But this never happens.

What does happen, is that after a short time, because of the height and bad quality of the resurfacing, the ensuing traffic begins to easily break up the tarmac on the badly repaired surface -- thus causing the famous and well known, ‘British Potholes’.

In Britain, it is very rare to see a road or street that is free of either bumps and potholes; all of varying sizes and some that are literally quite dangerous, especially for cyclists or motorcyclists. For cars that may have any loose parts on it, these road ‘assault courses’ will soon assure that they will not be loose anymore.

There appears to be no co-ordination whatsoever, when it comes to city or town road repairs in Great Britain. In Germany, often the road may be dug up and hectic for three months or so at one time, but at least when its all finished and fully surfaced -- it remains that way for a long time. And in Germany, if one company has to dig up a part of the road, when they have completed their work, it must be put back and resurfaced in the way that they first found it; the roadway must remain level and be repaired to the same high quality standard. In Germany, unlike in Great Britain, it is rare to find a road that appears to have had so many and obvious repairs done to it.

But what really does annoy me about Britain and its street repairs, is ever since the introduction of cable TV to Britain, no matter where one goes up and down the length and breath of the country -- every residential footpath has been scarred with an ugly black foot or so width strip of tarmac; it runs up every street throughout Britain, turning left and right into all adjourning footpaths. It seems as if the cable companies have been given full permission to make all the streets we live in, ugly.

That would have never been allowed to happen in Germany. The cable company would have been compelled to put the footpath back to how they first found it, showing no signs that they had even been there.

A good majority of German footpaths are not covered with tarmac but are layered with small paving stones that are set firm into sand; it is an art to lay these stones correctly and a sheer pleasure to watch these guys perform it. And before any future footpath digging work is done, the paving stones are first lifted and put to one side. When the job is complete and the holes refilled, the footpath is then easily returned, and often improved on how they first found it.

Quite the reverse in the United Kingdom..,

If you go to Britain, many times you will hear mothers shouting to their young children..,

“Pick your feet up!”

This parental training has nothing to do with teaching a child correct composure -- it is purely part of an adult simply passing on their valid experience on how to survive on badly constructed British footpaths.

In most other countries, parents may encourage their young to walk tall and hold their head up high. That would be fatal in UK. In Britain, one must walk along the street with their head hung low, looking out for all dangerous potholes or edges of unlevelled paving stones that stick up.

A secondary benefit from this procedure, would be to easily locate coins or notes, that other people may have dropped from their pockets or purses, when they unfortunately took a tumble on our bad road and footpath surfaces.

When Rolf first came to the UK, he was not street trained in the British way. How I laughed when he used to do that Silly-walk that is not even on the Monty Python list --

If you are walking through a busy English street, feeling all proud and dignified with a light spring in your toes.., when all of a sudden -- the toe end of your foot clips the edge of a paving stone and its away you go..,

It starts with a tumble with both your arms stretched right out in front of you, then they immediately swing to the rear, as you go into a half-run with your nose looming forward and your feet smacking hard on the ground; as if acting as brakes to slow you down. It usually takes around six or seven short stumpy steps, before you finally begin to recapture and regain your composure. But by then, it is far too late, because everybody around you has noticed it. And although, the same thing might have happened to them many times -- there is no common sympathy shared; one just cannot help laughing when they see somebody else perform it all over again. Some may try to make it seem as if it did not really happen to them; it was all part of their planned way of walking..,

“Oh look, there’s a bus -- I must suddenly run -- oh no.., it doesn’t matter!”

But that doesn’t work -- it just makes the whole scene appear funnier and you, look more of a dork!

And there is no getting away from the degradation of it all -- the British streets can demolish the most dignified of all people; a man could be Prime Minister, but should he trip on English paving stone or pothole, and especially if in view of the television camera’s -- then at the following election time, he would most certainly lose all of his votes.

Residential Areas

In the United Kingdom, especially in the more residential areas, the local council has put in place these large humps that stretch across the width of the roadway. The purpose is to slow the traffic down and they are commonly known as, Sleeping Policeman. For the local people, especially the children, these Sleeping Policemen can prove to be a welcome device to prevent children from being run over by traffic speeding their way through. But not so welcome for the poor unsuspecting motorist who, late at night, shoots through and over them at thirty miles an hour! Apart from improvements to the car structure by having a sunroof instantly installed, other far less expected dangers can also occur from low-flying automobiles.

In Germany, no such expensive and dangerous structures need to be put in place; a simple overall and well understood law of eighteen miles per hour are  enforced onto motorist when they are driving through residential areas. Some of the more populated residential areas, also have small islands erected, that not only cause the drivers to slow down, but will also create a similar pattern as the cars that are parked in many of Britain’s side streets -- only one car is able pass through at a time.

 Cycle Paths

Also in Germany, to help keep the roads clearer and safer, cyclist are allowed to cycle on the footpaths and special cycle pathway routes have been added. Even small low-powered mopeds are allowed to use these same cyclist path routes. You can ride your cycle all over the city and beyond, without ever having to go on the roadway, except for when the cycle pathway continues over pedestrian crossings or side streets. But all cars have to give way to oncoming cyclists crossing these side roads when they are turning into them, left or right.

In Britain, there are towns and cities that do have cycle routes, but these routes are often on the roadway itself. And many times become blocked by parked cars, making their intended use, quite pointless.

Once in my hometown of Bournemouth, I decided to cycle along this white painted cycle pathway that had been put into place on the nearside edge of the road; they were put there for the students who cycled daily to the local University. At the time, this cycle path had only been in place for a short time, and so it was a pleasure to be allowed to share in such a  privilege; as said, it had not been created for the likes of me, it was done only for the young students. The route began with me having to first make several detours from the cycle path back onto the road, in order to pass by the parked cars. Then when I came up to a bridge that overhung a rail track -- the cycle path suddenly ceased to exist. At the end of this white lined cycle track, there was painted the following words:-

‘Cycle Path Ends!’

So I crossed over the bridge without any protection, and then on the other side, it read..,

‘Cycle Path Begins!’

So what was supposed to happen to me during the middle bit I am not sure. Maybe just before the cycle path ended, I was expected to dematerialise and then, on the other side, where the cycle path began again -- reappear!  Had I been a student and attending that University, I would have been probably been issued with the necessary equipment for that task.

Once I had passed by the University College itself, the cycle path just suddenly disappeared and I was back again -- vulnerable and exposed on the busy main dangerous road. Prior to this sudden happening, just as I was cycling past the University main gates, I was once again, allowed a warning, but this time from a circular road-sign on top of a post; it simply read:-

‘Cycle Path Ends!’

But what it should have said was..,

‘Back on the road for you thicko’ and I hope you get knocked over!’

 Pedestrian Crossings

Another seemingly logical idea, I would like to tell you about whilst passing on so much of my credit to them; and once again, something that has been introduced into the German motoring. It is the simple way that they have set up their traffic light pedestrian crossings. I have already mentioned to you that they space out their crossings at several interludes throughout the city centres, main roads leading to and from them and within their many side streets, but aside of that -- when the traffic lights are at green for the pedestrian to cross, and once the pedestrian or pedestrians and cyclists are safely across -- though the pedestrian crossing is still showing at green -- the waiting cars are permitted to cross and continue.

How simple that idea is and makes so much sense.

In Britain, cars can be queued up at red lights for ages waiting for nobody else to cross.

Even more annoying in Britain, is when a rogue cyclist presses the pedestrian lights and then quickly cycles over leaving the cars to hang about over a blank pedestrian crossing. I say rogue, because in Britain, cyclist are not only disallowed from cycling on the footpaths, they are also forbidden to cycle across pedestrian crossings -- all quite opposite to Germany’s laws, despite the fact that many cyclists in Britain constantly break this law everyday. So it is a law that is ignored.

Worse still with the British Traffic Lights farce, many times, especially with school-kids -- they just love to press the pedestrian light button to red and stop all the traffic. This game does bring out the red in the motorists. In Germany, that would never happen because as said, if the pedestrian crossing is free of all people, then the motorist can pass through even if the pedestrian lights are against them.

 Public Transport

This is one area, where the Germans certainly win hands-down in comparison to the British. In fact, what I cannot understand is how the United Kingdom can be in so much of a mess with their public transport system, when all they have to do is send someone out here to take a look at Germany’s fantastic set-up.

In Britain -- and not just in the rural areas, waiting for a bus to come along can be a real nightmare; many times they are so few and far between and so often, regular bus-runs are on-the-spot cancelled, without the public having any forewarning, or choice but to wait even longer for the next bus to hopefully come along.

Catching a bus in Great Britain, is nothing more than a lottery,  it’s no wonder that the majority of people take to their cars in most towns and cities.

In Germany, it is so very different.

Catching a bus in Hamburg is far easier than going by car. You don’t even have to bother with a timetable or worry about missing a bus, as there would soon be another one following along behind it. On the bus, you can hop on and off -- breaking your journey if you decided to shop in one town, whilst on route for another; the ticket you purchase, states your destination and that is where the service will eventually take you -- even if you suddenly decide on impulse to break that journey, to purchase a sweater you have just seen whilst passing a shop window.

In fact, you can even use the same ticket you bought on the bus, to travel the rest of the route on the U-Bahn or underground railway; you can pick and choose en route, whether you travel by bus or underground, or both -- and in any permutation of your choice. Along the rivers and canals, where there are bus-boat services, you can even use the same ticket to travel on them.

So on a good day, you can travel on the same priced ticket, halfway to the city by bus, the rest on the U-Bahn train and then finally, cross over to the other side the harbour by boat.

That is what I call a real Public Transport Service!

Back home in my hometown of Bournemouth, how often I would stand at lonely bus stops, where the wind and rain would give me continual grief -- where most of the bus stop seating is placed outside the bus shelters, open and exposed to all weathers. And where on main route services, there are only one bus per hour journeys, or even fewer if they feel like it.

Where once, much to my delight, a  bus did finally pull up into the main town square, and with a ‘Swisssshhhhhhh’,  the automatic doors flew open  --  but my joy was quickly overturned into sorrow, as the driver suddenly rose from his seat, vacated the bus and.., ‘Swisssshhhhhh’ closed the doors up again, behind him.

This guy’s next route was only destined for his long tea-break.

And as I stood there in that cold and lonely rain, other busses turned up and pulled into bus stops ahead and behind me. A few of those routes might have gone just as near as d****t to my dream destination -- but as I ran around from stop to stop -- ‘Swissssssshhhhh’ --

 

Those drivers did exactly the same as the first one.

As I stood there on my aching feet waiting for longer and longer, the low black clouds that hung over, were now drawing the darkness upon me far too early. Feeling tired, soaking wet and cold -- I was getting nowhere; least of all, one inch towards my home.

Suddenly.., a new and fresh driver appeared on the scene..,

‘Swissssssshhhhh’ --

The doors flew open again and the new driver leaped inside the bus and sat down at the wheel. Everybody, by now also at the same bus stop, excitedly lifted up their sunken heads, smiled and followed through -- like upon a Chosen One.  Many more rushed over from other driverless bus stops and joined this happy throng. And now, as if all life had quickly returned to the lost souls of people, a long queue of many hopefuls began to form and surge forward in a quest to purchase their tickets to paradise. They chattered amongst themselves, about how nasty the weather is today, and isn’t it getting dark earlier, and what about this crap lousy bus service!

Now my dream has also come true, I too am almost back home again.

But wait..,

And there’s plenty of it..,

Because it is still not time for the bus to depart on its wayward journey.

But later, much later -- the diesel engine starts to cough, choke and rumble, and we now have lift-off.  The bus moves from its stop and drives out of the town at a snails pace; the driver has probably departed three seconds too early, and he doesn’t want to overtake his tight schedule.

On route, I am now just two stones-throw away from my final frontier destination; I do up my coat, tie my belt and start to gather my things together.

With one hand tightly grasping onto the support rail, and the other held firm around the several combined handles of my shopping -- I make like a giraffe in an eager bid towards not missing my stop. But suddenly, the bus turns off the main road route, and goes this way and that, weaving in and around all the side-streets, then circles a large residential area for twenty minutes or so; it feels more like hours. And when we do finally emerge back on the main road again, after all those many miles travelling around, we are just two minutes walking distance away from where we first left  it; a round-the-house journey that even a crooked taxi driver could never ever configure.

When I first began my day-out, I had left my home on that bright and sunny morning with so much abated glee and inner enthusiasm -- and now, slumped and depressed into this bottom restructuring leathered seat, I am almost deep into a coma.

When at long last, cold, damp and miserable, I finally get off the bus -- my limbs trying hard to remember how to operate -- and I still have a fair way to walk in the wind and rain to my home destination.  As I struggle on homewards, I think to myself..,

“I am feeling as if a very large part of my life has been taken away from me -- lost and gone forever..,  travelling on one of Bournemouth’s Yellow Busses, must be far worse, than being abducted by aliens!”

The German bus system far exceeds the British in many simple but effective ways, and are a pleasure to travel on. Their service and routes are also friendly and reliable; I have been on several routes where a bus driver, from one main route, will actually wait at an intersecting main route junction, for passengers to disembark from one bus and walk over to theirs -- I have even seen the same happen with busses waiting for connecting passengers coming from busy U-Bahn trains -- and nobody has to run or panic that the driver might suddenly go off without them.

I have yet to see that amount of passenger consideration in Britain.

In England, I once heard a bus driver say..,

“This would be a good job it is wasn’t for the bloody passengers!” 

 

I know it was said in fun, but you know what they say about many a true word?

In Hamburg, the busses seem to travel only on main road routes, I have never seen any drive around small side streets or in and out of residential areas. Most homes are close enough to at least one main road or route, even back in my hometown Bournemouth.

That policy alone allows for a cheaper, faster and more regular service.

Because of the excellent transport service in Hamburg, many people use them and therefore, possess monthly passes. Those who don’t, have several other choices; they can buy a ticket just for the journey and back, a whole day of travel, or for three days to a week, and all offer the same benefits of being able to break journeys, switch to other routes or use the U-Bahn.

In Britain, while it may be true that passengers can purchase the same day, weekly or monthly tickets -- the big difference out here is, that once everybody has purchased their reusable fare-way, they can board the bus at anytime, without having to show it everytime to the driver. In Britain, every passenger that boards a bus -- must queue and either purchase or show their previously bought tickets/passes to the driver. So the benefits of having such a scheme, does not go in any way towards helping to run a faster service.

Just as on Britain's railway, Hamburg has bus ticket inspectors who can board at anytime to make sure that nobody is cheating the service. Britain also has bus inspectors who check passengers tickets -- but all they do is double-check what the driver has already done.

The busses in Hamburg, because they use main road routes, are long Bendy type busses; they sort of bend in the centre when turning around corners. These large vehicles allow plenty of room for more passengers, and they  have two automatic doors; one at the front by the driver and another far larger in the centre. Passengers can board the bus at either end, and if they have tickets, go straight to their seats.

Very few passengers ever need to hold up the driver.

This centre entrance has another good use not often seen in Britain; the driver of the bus can operate a switch that will make the bus tilt closer towards the footpath. At the same time, a ramp will appear -- which will allow a passenger in a wheelchair to board the bus. The area immediately in front of this entrance, is large enough to take several passengers in their wheelchairs. It’s secondary use is for parents boarding with prams and pushchairs; they have no need to once again, waste the drivers time, by folding and unfolding these contraptions, prior to stacking and un-stacking, on leaving or boarding the bus.

In Britain, it does not appear possible for someone in a wheelchair to travel on a city or town bus, unless they are able to get out of their chair and fold it away. In Germany, people in wheelchairs can travel by bus and U-Bahn underground, without any problems, and just as easy as it is for any other passenger.

Also and unlike Britain, where it would not even be permissible, at off-peak times, there is also plenty of room for cycles to be taken aboard a Hamburg bus.

In The City of Hamburg, the bus and underground U-Bahn service is so efficient and well-run, owning and using a car is still an unnecessary luxury; stressful city parking often makes its use far quicker. In Britain, owning and using a car, is so often a necessity, due to the bad and run down public transport -- a service, I might add, so bad that it is not even cheaper for the British public than it is for their German counterparts. The British bus running costs and the price of travel, are kept high due to its lack of public use and added expense to try and keep the things half-running. Many times in Britain, it can work out cheaper to drive a car than it is to use the public service -- plus in your car, you can guarantee getting to your destination on time, and with a lot less hassle.

The Germans could certainly teach the British a thing or two, about running a good Public Transport Service.