Bloody Germans

 Home Drinking

Unless its a special occasion, the average German, male or female, will drink their alcohol at home and they will buy all their booze in bulk at their local food store. It is not uncommon to see a German pushing out sack-trucks of loaded-up beer crates from food stores, as part of their weekly or monthly shopping. Many of these sack-trucks are purchased for this particular purpose alone. In England, for so many people to go out and buy their alcohol in such bulk quantities, that is a pleasure normally reserved for Yuletide. Some say that the Germans drink more beer than the British. Well, I don’t know if that’s true or not, because most of them will get rat-arsed behind closed doors.

Allotment and Garden Summer Houses

Many Germans, especially those who are fortunate to have large home gardens or access to private allotments, will go as far as to install their own private drinking house, or pub.

This is not an just some old makeshift shed propped up in the back garden, or a broken down hut plonked in the middle of a vegetable plot -- this is a proper Scandinavian pinewood structure -- good enough to live in, and in summer, some do.

These delightful pine structures, that can come complete with patios or verandas, are made and erected to perfection. Some, that are built at allotment sites, are large enough to contain more than one room; a small kitchen, shower and toilet, plus a bedroom. Then to finish it all off, they’ll stick a Sat-dish on top of the roof!

Those that are erected in the home back garden, normally contain a small bar with a fridge and a large centre table with the chairs suitably placed around it. The walls of the hut will suitably decorated with pictures and ornaments, to allow an atmosphere of being inside a real pub or bar. So when the German decides to throw a party for family, friends or workmates -- they can all either sit, drink and be merry around the table in the wooden hut, or if it’s a nice evening, intermingle outside in the adjourning garden. Which I might add, is often well lit and decorated to suit the occasion. They will of course, also have a barbecue arrangement, with plenty of those sausages, waiting on standby in the wings.

I suppose, if I really think about it, this makes real sense; it is what is commonly known as, German Practicability. How often in Britain, do we wake up with our hangover from our house party the night before, look around at all the mess and think, ‘Oh dear..., I think I’ll go back to bed again!’

Not so for the practical German; they wake up with their sore heads and think, “I hope I locked the shed up last night!” And then they sit down to recover in a nice clean and un-party’d soiled home.

Of course, the worse thing about these back garden party venues, is if you just happen to be an uninvited neighbour, and you’re trying to get some shuteye around 3 a.m. in the morning. Outside your bedroom window, you’ve got fifty or so Germans, all singin’ n’ dancin’ to more decibels of brass band Oompah music than you can imagine, and he closest you’ll ever get to the sweet dawn-breaking sounds of a songbird, is the bloody Birdie Song!

The grander style Scandinavian type huts are often placed upon their allotments. German allotments are not to be confused with English allotments:-

An English allotment is easily described as a small plot of waste ground, with bean sticks popping up here and there, and a few neat rows of growing cabbages and other types of vegetables plants. Some might be adorned with a finishing touch of a tatty old broken down home-made wooden shed, seemingly  built to store a few garden tools, some flowerpots and a hardened-off bag of peat -- but mainly, its purposeful construction is for the man to seek his sanctuary and solitude; a quiet place to disappear and hide away from his wife, then sit and sip quietly on home made vegetable wine and contemplate his lot.

That is.., an English Allotment!

A German allotment is often four or five  times larger than the English version:-

It will have a nice green lawned off area with colourful flower beds surrounding it. Running from the main gate entrance, there will be a pathing stoned pathway that, one way, will lead you off over a small stoned or wooden bridge, and below that bridge there will be a large pond-full of assorted fish -- and the other path, that will take you to your large wooden hut.

Oh vegetables..., I forgot about them..,

Some may have a few tucked away in a small plot behind the hut, a few might even make vegetable growing a main feature, but for the majority -- this is not a place to work, other than making  a few slight daily improvements or small time hobby gardening -- just to get the body moving now and again.

 For the Germans, an allotment  is a place to come in the summer, and simply lie around in the sun, drink, chat, eat, or watch satellite TV. This is a place where they can all improve on their status of being a one hundred per cent fully laid back German. Maybe this is also the place where they all train for their Spanish holidays. Though I have not yet observed any of them practising early morning towel throwing over deck chairs.

Many of their allotments are fitted, as standard, with a large German flag that fly high on a tall flag post. Such, would prove far too cumbersome for them to pack in their suitcase and take along with them on holiday.., hence: which is why the traditional German towel acts as their temporary replacement.

These German allotment sites are scattered all over Germany and throughout large city areas, and I have to admit, they are a sheer pleasure to walk through. When I first saw them, I really believed that they were permanent cottage style homes; compared to UK, they look nothing like simple allotments -- they have nice hedges, front gates, outside letter boxes and each home proudly displays its own nameplate. On top of all this, quite a few of the larger allotment sites even have their own central Clubhouse -- which is of course, the biggest hut of all.

Though, I do want to add in here, that many Germans spend hours upon hours, and through almost a lifetime, in making these places so perfect. But in winter, when they are less occupied, the graffiti merchants arrive on the scene and immediately set out to spoil them.

That is such a sad affair for one to come upon, and view.

 The Fischmarkt

Another popular event for the German entertainment, are events themselves.

These can range from flea-markets, called Flohmarkts, to Cultural Displays and in Hamburg, every Sunday morning, beginning around 5 a.m., in Summer, or 7 a.m., in Winter, until around 10 a.m., they have an event that is simply called a Fish Market, or Fischmarkt.

However, this is much more than just a simple fish market -- it is a main and regular weekly highlight from one of Hamburg’s most popular top entertainment spots. It is also well listed in all tourist guides, as an event one should not miss.

The Fischmarkt is always so jam-packed with people, that it takes great skill to move around and view everything properly, and if you are accompanied by anybody, not to spend most of your time always looking for each other.

At the Fischmarkt, quite a few that first attend, will have not risen from their slumber at 3 or 4 a.m., to be present for it’s early morning opening -- they will have not been to bed at all since the previous night; the Fischmarkt is often the place they all head for after drinking and dancing away Saturday night and the early hours of Sunday morning. A lot of them would have drifted down from Hamburg’s Reeperbahn, where there has been much drinking, eating and clubbing -- or whatever else they might have found up there to suit their fancy in this famous red light district. And then, by the time as most night clubs, live music, drinking venues, peep shows and sex clubs are closed.., it’s off to the Fischmarkt at the city docks.

Here they can buy fish -- but mostly, they just want more to eat, drink and then dance to live pop music.

Once at the Fischmarkt, there are many stalls selling -- yes fish, but they also sell fruit n’ vegetables. There is also plenty of other stall trade that you would find at any normal market. In the centre of all this, is a large green building or  hall. As you slowly make you way up through the thick market crowds to get to this place, you can hear rock music bellowing out from its doors; the closer you get to it, the noisier it becomes --- and then, when you finally enter the building, the music is so loud, in order to communicate with anybody, you would need one of those slate boards that frogmen often use.

Inside this large building, at either side, there are two main platforms or stages; on one side, there will be a live pop group bashing out their music in full swing, below them and enjoying the din, there will be much merriment; eating, drinking and dancing. The hall has several bars and plenty of hot food is on sale. At one place, right by the main entrance, you can see what are probably the largest frying pans in the world; inside them, huge amounts of fried potato mix is cooking away.  The correct name for this dish is, Bratkartoffeln mit Spiegelei, which in English is, Fried Potatoes with Egg  -- this I suppose, is the German Fischmarkt Frühstück, or Fish Market Breakfast. And of course, there are loads and loads.., and more loads, of  different varieties of cooked German Bratwurst sausages.

The hall is alive and bursting its seams with people, many more look down from the balcony above. Everybody is either eating, drinking or dancing -- maybe even all three at once. At half time, the band take a break for a beer and sausage. But the silence is only momentary.., because as soon as they stop, it all starts up again with another pop group on the stage at the opposite side of the hall --

There, this other pop band will immediately begin to bash out their music in loud full swing, and all the dances and onlookers will rush over to the other side, and the music and dancing will continue on until its time for their next sausage break -- whereupon, all revellers will rush back again to the other side of the hall, and continue to dance again to this by now, well replenished group.

This happy energetic scene will go on from five in the morning, ‘til around midday, when the main Fischmarkt itself, is already long over.

I might add in here, that everytime I have been inside this hall and listened to the many different bands that play -- they have all been excellent in their performance; not second rate but good enough to play anywhere. Also, at this Fischmarkt hall, apart from our eardrums, everybody is entertained with no extra cost at all.

Outside this building, while all the music and dancing is going on -- and at the height of the market itself, crowds will move this way and that; all going somewhere or nowhere, other than to follow those in front. If you are with anyone, you normally hang on to some part of their clothing, as you make your way through, let go -- and you’ve lost them forever.

Stretching along the side of the harbour dock for about a mile or so, and buried between this mass of  people, are many market stalls that sell, clothing, trinkets, flowers and plants. Also on sale, are foodstuffs like, fruit and vegetables, cheeses, confectionery and of course, fish. In a separate place, close to the main singin’ and dancin’ hall, this area is reserved for the regular Sunday Fischmarkt Flohmarkt. Finally, well scattered amongst all of these stalls are.., more stalls, these are the stand  up and munch stalls that serve instant hot beverages, fish rolls and of course, there are lots, lots more of those Bratwurst sausage stalls. As you walk, or should I say, plough through these stalls moving from one area to another, and being trod on as you do, you will pass by a flock of assorted street entertainers, and a few unlicensed traders that operate outside the Fischmarkt rules.

Officially, all the market stalls should pack up around 9.30 a.m. Many do, but for the rest, they kind of slowly drift away.., but by midday -- all have gone. The once mass of people have now been drastically exchanged by a mass of market mess. Pile upon pile of empty boxes, cardboard, paper and thrown out perishable food stocks, now lay in separate large heaps.

As the city dump trucks move in to quickly clear up the mess, another kind of after market trade will appear, along with the harbour seagulls -- together they will search through the piles of discarded market waste, looking for their freebie fruit and vegetables. Though it has all been thrown out and some may be squashed or damaged in some way, there is still plenty around that remains in good order and is quite fresh and edible. And the interesting thing about all this, is that not all of the human scavengers belong to the not so-well-off -- for some, it is like a Sunday sport; they will purposely go to the market around finishing time to collect as many free items as they can; melons, strawberries, potatoes, tomatoes, mushrooms -- you name it. Enough is gathered up quickly to make a Sunday hot-pot or soup for the week. But you have to be quick because apart from the other rivalling looters, including the seagulls, who are well trained for this exercise so won’t be frightened off by the competing humans, the teams of well-trained dump-truck men will also be out, and they will have the whole area totally clean and spotless in a just couple of hours.

There is also another kind of after-market debris that lies evenly distributed around; a human debris of folk who could not go the full distance from the heavy drinking that began the night before. They will lie on or under benches, in corners or anywhere else that they might have first sat, then fallen. Their faces are red and worn and they reek from the stench of over-drinking. They are just another part of the market debris that everyone gets used to, along with all the other mess from the Sunday Fischmarkt.

Come two o’ clock Sunday afternoon, when the late tourists or locals have risen late from their Sunday beds,  and begin to aimlessly stroll along the harbour promenade, they will find no clues around that the Fischmarkt event had ever occurred --

All is gone, all has been cleared up and all is back to normal, that is, until next Sunday morning, around 5 am.

 The Hafen Geburtstag

While we are down at Hamburg’s city docks, I should tell you about another big event that happens around here every year -- The Harbour Birthday.

The history of the harbour’s port celebration goes back to 7th May 1189, when it is said that Kaiser Friedrich Barbarossa granted the port duty free access and trade on the lower Elbe. A document was drawn up known as the Barbarossa Charter.

So in celebration of this Barbarossa Charter, every year on the first weekend around the 7th May, Hamburg celebrates its Harbour Birthday, known locally as the Hafen Geburtstag.

This is a large three day event (more bloody sausage stalls) -- that begins on a Friday afternoon and finishes by early Sunday evening. Over one million people are often known to attend over the three-day period. A vast number will be repeat visitors; down there to celebrate and enjoy each day of the weekend celebrations. Many Tall Ships sail into Hamburg Port from all over on that first Friday -- a couple of them will arrive from Russia. Once those Tall Ships have docked into Hamburg Harbour and let down their large white sails -- for a fee, people can go aboard, walk around and view them to their hearts content.

Other types of large and small vessels also turn up for the birthday celebrations, including a few frigates from the German Navy. I enjoy going on board those German Navy ships; when I see a German sailor, it makes me want to point up to the sky and shout, “Mein Gott -- Himmel Spitfeuer!!”  And if they should ever decide to bring along one of their submarines or U-Boot to the show -- then, like in the German TV series Das Boot -- I could pear down the large hole at the top and shout.., “Alarm!!! Alarm!!!”

That should keep ‘em all on their toes!

The whole event, covers such a wide area down at the city docks, and there is so much to see and do; it can literally take up the whole three days to cover it all.

On the first Friday, it begins with Hamburg’s afternoon sky being littered with air-balloons of all shapes, sizes and colours -- I have never seen so many balloons in the air at one time. Over the period, a programme of demonstrations or displays have been organised for the public to be fully entertained whilst also being informed. This can be viewed from the spectator stands at the main old Landungsbrücken building, that looks out onto the Elbe River harbour dock.

The Landungsbrücken -- or Landing Bridge,  is 700 metres of  river terminal that is floating on the pontoons in the Norderelbe. It is the starting point for tours and ferries of the port and the lower Elbe. It is also the location of Hamburg’s Tall Ship Museum; a large old sailing ship known as Rickmer Rickmers, that lays permanent in its dock and is on view all year to the public, who can also climb aboard, have lunch and then walk around.

Here at the Landungsbrücken point, there are fire and rescue displays from the red Fire-tugs and helicopters, Customs Control allow us to see how they capture a boat that is trying to smuggle in drugs or other contraband. Parachute drops, where they must land onto small drop-zones marked out on fixed landings set up on the river water. Local clubs demonstrate their water skiing, or rowing boats race each other to the cheer of the crowds. Also, many of Hamburg’s old vessels and floating cranes, will proudly parade by and the dock tugboats will demonstrate to us all what they are made of. Several light aircraft will also swoop down and fly by, bringing the whole area alive and full with excitement.

It also seems quite fashionable, for at least one couple to get married at this Harbour Birthday Party, and the ceremony is held right there on the edge of the docks; to be viewed by all the many people down there, as well as being filmed for Hamburg’s TV.

While all harbour demonstrations and events are occurring, on the shore and stretching out the whole length of the docks, there are many side-shows, fairgrounds and a couple of big Ferris wheels, that go around and around to allow its lucky patrons a good scenic view over the whole area. For a quicker view, one could volunteer and try out the bungee jump from a large crane that has also been set up close by.

 

Over and around the area, quite a few large stage platforms have been erected, there will be a continual programme billing from many of Hamburg’s live bands who will invariably continue to bash out their music for the masses right through the whole of the three-day period. Hamburg’s radio networks will also set up their stages and do their live on-air Road-shows, where they will entertain and give out prizes to the crowd.

There is an abundance of bars scattered all over the area; some with a Caribbean theme, where serving girls, in grass skirts, will dance to their Latin American music whilst they pour out customer’s cocktails from behind the bar. There will also be an Irish bar that will have a real live singing Irishman strumming out his local home melodies, sometimes accompanied by a few Scotsman, puffing and panting away merrily on their bagpipes. One bar that is always present, has been converted from a once merry-go-round; as it slowly revolves, you can sit there downing your beers one after the other, and get to see all what is happening around you without having to turn your head once.

They have done the same further down the way, with an old fairground Helter-skelter; up the top, the chef is busy cooking all the beef burgers and sausages, which he then passes down to his assistants below, where they are then bought and eaten by the customers who sit outside and around it. There are just as many food stalls around as there are drinking stalls -- from Chinese to Turkish and curries to pancakes, fish, Pomme-frites -- and of course, not forgetting the dear old German sausages -- Bratwurst sausages come in all the many different varieties; every inch you walk you can smell out and see those sausages everywhere.

Along the city dock walls, various stalls are set up displaying the wares of local businesses, to the simple handmade art and culture crafted by folk from all over. There are also many Flohmarkt stands. And on the Sunday, the Fischmarkt  is business as usual -- so on a Hafen Geburtstag Sunday, everything is happening down at the city docks.

There are also vehicles on display, from large new American trucks to old vintage cars, many that come from The Hamburg British Classic Car Club. The Hamburg Police also put on their demonstrations of riot control, and the local Fire Brigade -- they will show off a parade of their fire vehicles from year dot to today; one that amuses most people is a little bubble car spray-painted in Fire-red -- and as it passes by ringing its little bell, it all comes complete with a mini fire ladder on top.

One can walk through the stalls and displays, enjoy a meal and a drink or two, dance to the Rock Bands or simply stand around and view all the river dock demonstrations. You can get a closer view of it all and perhaps become a part of it, by taking a trip out and around the harbour in one of the many round-the-harbour or Hafenrundfahrten,  trip vessels.

Recently, Hamburg has obtained two Riverboats that have the large drum spinning wheel at the rear. They are quite popular and draw in many from the crowds; they are painted blue and white and look so authentic.  Other day trip vessels are well built and are very modern; some are like jet speedboats and others, built like river-hotels -- on these boats, you can enjoy a trip around the harbour, viewing all the Tall Ships and other vessels, and at the same time, share in a good meal with your family or friends on board.

There is another kind of seafaring vessel, a much cheaper version of transport to get closer to all that is happening around the harbour; it is a kind of public service -- or bus-boat I call it, that is in daily use for people who live in the small towns along the River Elbe and close to Hamburg.

Around the time of the Harbour Birthday, the bus-boats are overused by two-way trippers, who do not board to travel to and from their home, but simply want an inexpensive way to look around the harbour and see all that is going on -- on one occasion, at a Harbour Birthday, I watched one of those bus-boats come into Hamburg dock, it was packed tight with people; up top, inside and on all over the bottom deck -- waiting at the dockside to board themselves, was another mass of people.

The Germans, who are so unlike the British, never like to queue for anything -- so when the boat landed and was tied secure -- a thick swarm of unruly passengers were attempting to get on, and at the very same time -- just as many hundreds were trying to get off.  I have never seen such a chaos in all my life! Yet, somehow, it all worked out fine -- everybody got on and off with no problem, and without even one injury, but more surprising to me, nobody fell off the boat, jetty or gangplank into the water!

The Germans have a way of being well organised -- even with their disorganisation!

During the three-day Hafen Geburtstag, the whole area down at the Hamburg docks, is always alive and active with so many crowds of people. Well into the evening, late at night and into the early hours of the morning -- the bright lights and noise from the fairgrounds, food and bar stalls will decorate and light up the whole evening scene. And as the Rock Bands play on, fireworks and rockets will also light up the dark Hamburg sky -- to be seen and heard for miles around.

The highlight of Hamburg’s Hafen Geburtstag, occurs on the final day, Sunday around 5 p.m. -- a spectacular event called the Parade of Ships. The hours before this time, the Tall Ships would have already raised their large white sails. Those and other ships, large and small, that are not already at the furthest point deep into Hamburg’s harbour, will slowly move towards that direction of the start line. Passengers, that would have long before pre-booked their tickets on the boats normally used for the daily Harbour Tours, will be by now, boarding the Special Excursions; a trip of a lifetime that will allow them the privilege of being able to join the ranks of this once a year, Birthday Parade.

Even the normal passenger bus-boats change their route and times slightly, so as not to miss out on this once a year delight -- no passengers would surely complain.

Many of the visiting people, will have moved away from all of the side-show attractions, and made their way to the edge of the dockside covering the whole length of the harbour.  Other’s more wise or fortunate, because they have long before been nicely placed in order to watch the daily river demonstrations; they now will be in the centre of it all.

Myself, I always get to my position by at least midday, in order to reserve a good view; I go right in the centre and on one of  the balconies of the main Landungsbrücken building. The centre building balcony, is often the easiest to secure -- but only if you are fit and athletic, because for some strange reason, there are no steps leading up to it as there are on the other balconies -- so one must do a bit of climbing up a wall and then over the railings that surround it, in order to get into this good position. I have no idea why this is so, or why the balcony has not been made as easily and accessible as the others. But I do not complain because first.., nobody stops anybody from climbing up to it and second, its inaccessibility allows me and others a good chance to get a good viewing position. The other balconies are often full up all of the time by many of Hamburg’s elderly residents, who probably do not move from their comfortable position all day -- they might even remain there for the whole three days, who knows? Knowing the Germans, especially the elderly.., once they get a good seat -- they’ll  not give it up too easily!  But as I said, to get in this other good position, one has to be fairly quick off the mark around midday, because on the final Parade of Ships, everybody is looking around for a good place to view.

Around 5 p.m., all is ready to move forward, but the first boat to do so, belongs to the Harbour Master; he moves forward and ahead a little, in order to clear the way for all the vessels that are soon to follow.

The first Tall ships and other surrounding vessels, are already standing motionless at the start line. Others are waiting to move from their docked position and join them, as soon as the parade begins to move forward and allows them the space.

When the way has been cleared by the Harbour Master, the first ships and boats begin to slowly move forward and down the Elbe. In front of them and leading the parade, are two bright red Fire Tugboats, each with their water guns spraying high and across the pathway soon to be filled with many more boats. Loudspeaker systems, that are all around us, begin to play sweet sounds of classical music; a delightful accompaniment to play out this Farewell Parade in such a graceful style -- I find the music really suitable for the occasion. Alongside these Tall Ships, and sharing in some of their proud moments, will be all the other vessels large and small that reside or work at Hamburg’s city docks. Many are even small motor boats of all descriptions that belong to the ordinary seafaring residents -- they too will come alongside the parade and share in the moments of joy.

The classical music will play on loudly, but often, it will be drowned out by the sounds of all the ships horns. As the first ships begin to pass by and are in line with the Landungsbrücken,  those sounds will be interrupted by farewell speeches from the Harbour Host -- he will thank each foreign ship in turn for coming to help Hamburg celebrate its Hafen Geburtstag. And then after, music will play out the national anthem of each ships country of origin as it passes by. Then finally, he will wish all on board a Bon Voyage and see you all next year!

The spectators will cheer, wave and clap to show their added appreciation.

As more ships pass the Landungsbrücken and sail further down the Elbe, the harbour is suddenly amass with sailing vessels, large and small -- on some of the Tall Ships, the sailors are standing high on the ships masts and rigging, and bid a cheery wave to the crowds as they also pass by. And the noise from all of the participating ships horns will get louder and louder; especially from the tugboats and steam ships.

Then the German Naval Frigates will pass by, and the Harbour Host will play the German National Anthem -- I am not even a German, but at that moment, for some odd reason -- I feel so proud, I just suddenly want to become one!

As more of the Parade Ships and boats come, pass, and then go by -- further down the Elbe, there are many more people who line both sides of  the river waterside in haste to bid them a Farewell.  Further on down the Elbe still, no doubt, even more people will be hurriedly making their way to the scene to see the parade as it moves on slowly down.

At the rear of the parade, just as it was the lead, follow two more bright red Fire tugs -- they too will each fill the sky with their version of water fireworks.

When the parade reaches Hamburg’s Port Gate entrance, the Tall Ships will bid a last Farewell to its accompanying river escorts from Hamburg, and finally.., set sail further up the river, past the mouth of the River Elbe at Cuxhafen and then, further on and out into the North Sea.., to a final long journey bound for their home.

This farewell Parade of Ships is a noisy but indeed, a wondrous affair; the sounds of many, many people, coming and celebrating together -- and along with the music, the cheering and blowing of ships horns -- all these sights and sounds, they conjure up so much emotion and always brings on tears of joy to my eyes.

The Hamburg Hafen Geburtstag is a real event not to be missed, and the one that each year, I try so hard not to.

 Sight-seeing

I have already told you about the Hafenrundfahrten boat trips down at the harbour Landungsbrücken, so you have an idea of those scenic routes. The variety of boats that you can travel on, come in many different shapes, sizes, tours and of course varying prices. All depending on your choice of comfort.

Those tour boats are always down there at the harbour throughout the fair seasons; as all the boats lie huddled, bopping up and down in a line moored along the quayside, each captain will holler out louder than a foghorn that their boat trip is by far the best. It is of course mostly put on for the visiting tourist, despite the fact that they never tout for business in any other language than German. It is the same for the actual guided tours; they will talk over a microphone and tell you all about everything that is around you, but unless your German is up to scratch -- you won’t even have a cryptic clue!

Further inland and in the centre of the city, there is a magnificent lake called the Alster. It is in fact a millpond that was dammed-up since the Middle Ages. Next to it, and also a part of the main Alster but for a bridge, is the Binnen Alster, or Kleine (little) Alster. From there, via canals and lock-gates, it leads down to the main harbour docks.

After the Great Fire of 1843, a beautiful shopping precinct was created at the Binnen Alster in the style of the Italian Renaissance; it lies close to the Rathaus or Town Hall and includes an open vista, where people can pass through, or sit and enjoy a meal in the open-air whilst looking out onto the water at the activities below.

At both the Alsters lakes, many different tour boats will pass through during the good seasons, and there are several routes in which one can enjoy; either around the large Alster itself, or through the many canals and rivers that lead around or out from the main city centre. One can sail through the city parks or even take a trip back down to the main harbour. At the same time, in Summer, the main River Alster is alive with many sail boats, rowing boats, punts or small canoes, which can be obtained easily from a good few waterside boat-hire establishments along the waterway routes.

I once boarded a large open top motor boat that took a short trip around the large Alster. The captain or boat-tour guide, who was very friendly and talkative, realised when I boarded that I was English. Luckily for me, he was able to explain his tour in English, as well as in his native German -- but the funny thing was, whatever he said in English for my benefit, was always a humorous or cheeky remark -- I had at last met a German with a British sense of humour!

As we sailed past the park and continued along a route where all the Foreign Embassies are located. He paused the engine of his boat and pointed to this large hotel building..,

‘This is where many of  the British people and their families live...,’

 

He was of course referring to the top British people connected with either the Embassy or other big city businesses in Hamburg -- I surely could not have afforded to live there.

He continued, whilst others looked on at me in sheer delight -- I was now a part of this guy’s act..,

‘I have been told that the English people who live there, only listen to the BBC -- and never to the German broadcasts.., so if the BBC weather forecast says that it is raining heavy in London -- then they will not leave their hotel all day, even if it is very sunny outside in Hamburg. And if it is sunny in London.., then they will go out and wonder why the radio got it wrong -- if in Hamburg, it is pouring down with rain!’

This of course amused everybody who could also understand English -- but in a sense, I believed what he said was true. I can imagine, though I may be wrong, that many of those British people, who work at the Embassy and live in that hotel, spend all of their time with each other, in a kind of mini-England; whole families meet, have dinner-parties, dine-out, go to special functions and join Clubs, all within those same British circles -- and hardly ever realise for one moment that they are living abroad in Germany. It’s a kind of ghetto or community mentality that does happen the world over; many people living in foreign lands will, if there is enough of them, come together in one area and set up their own communities with shops, cinemas and administration centres -- they will even continue to communicate with each other in their own native tongue. And unless they have to leave that home-from-home comfortable circle for outside employment, they may not even ever bother to learn their host countries language -- or care less what is going on outside them.

In Britain, people from countries such as Asia, even stay connected to their area with their employment and throughout the world, Italians and Chinese often remain in their own same circles, by working in restaurants belonging to their culture. In Hamburg, it is the same with the large population of Turkish people that are living here; many have come together to live in one area, and many of them live just as if they were back home.

It’s the same thing in London, many Australians have arrived only to reside at one particular place around Earls Court -- and I have heard that in Australia, some English have done exactly the same and have set up their own small English communities.

When the Military Forces do their tours abroad, sometimes they take along with them their whole families and spend up to three years living on a base camp in a foreign land, but because everything around them; their work, social life, colleges and friends are all native to their own land, they have no need to learn the ways, language or culture of the country they are in. They can even shop and buy the same goods as if they were back in their own country.

All the British and American troops that have come over to  Germany in the past years, apart from the learning the odd German phrase to go out of their camp and buy a local meal or a drink, they have no real reason to care little of what else is going on around or outside it all; they all will watch their own TV, read their own newspapers and magazines. It is exactly the same when the USA troops are in England. Unless duty demands it, they have no reason to leave the camp and concern themselves with England at all.

So it is all a just matter of pleasure or necessity -- if you don’t want to learn or don’t have to, then you just don’t bother.

So why, I thought.., should it be any different for these British people living in that hotel?

Of course, the boatman did not stop there with his humour directed at me -- at a far cul-de-sac point where the boat does a turnaround -- and where the water, though calm, was covered in floating river sediment -- he told us all in English, that if we were to sit still and not make a sound.., we might get a chance to see Hamburg’s Loch Ness Monster!

Despite him making me the butt of his humorous tour side-show, I still gave him a good tip as I departed from his boat back at the start-point. As I bid him farewell, I told him that I had enjoyed the trip around the Alster in his open boat, despite the bad weather we are having in London!

There is another kind of City Sight-seeing Tour, or Stadtrundfahrt, that you can do in Hamburg other than taking to the water -- you can either travel around on one of the many open top double-deck busses, or board a road train and sit in one of the back carriages.

I once boarded a city bus tour that travelled around all the tourist attractions of Hamburg. The tourist guide on the bus was talking about and pointing to all the considered interesting highlights of the tour. Through a microphone he shouted..,

‘On your left there, is Hamburg’s Karl-Muck-Platz Musikhalle, built around 1904-08..., and over to the right, is the famous city Rathaus, built way back in 1886-97...., in the distance you can see the Church of St Michel.., built around 1750-86...,’

Then as we passed by another large structure -- one that was a dirty black stoned, war damaged, well and truly bombed out, charred remains of an old building called the St. Nikolai Church.  I quickly stood up from my seat to point out my own discovery.

I shouted --

“Look! RAF Shrapnel.., created around 1939-45...,"

He had no rights to make me get off that bus long before the tour had finished. Some Germans have no sense of humour at all!