City Lights

under the city lights i was given life
under the city lights the world comes to life
under the city lights lives come to death
under the city lights the real people come out
under the city lights all that is hidden in the light of day is spotlighted
under the city lights the city grows

Reviews

[Butch Decatoria]

I understand why you repeat the first words, under the city lights...
i suggest maybe try-- removing certain words and leaving only the final part of the line, or reversing them.

for example:

"I was given life, under the city lights

under the city lights, the world comes to life (at night),
life comes to death, real people come out,
all that is hidden during the day has its spotlight
the city is growing, under the city lights.

under the city lights I was given life..."

Just an example, did not mean to overstep my bounds. you write well without my opinions taken or not, keep your voice loud, your moments noticed, when soft yet strong with your poetry...

~~Butch Decatoria (Pfluffer)

[Rc R. Vagilidad]

I love the juxtaposition and usage of simile in here, as to a harsh urbanization you sounded off real-time situations.

[Orlando Murcia]

Very modern and original Great work!


Orlando M

[Flo]

Thats a sweet simple poem, I like it, under the city lights, some how "cutely" done
-Flo