Chapter Two

see main description trigger warning

I awoke the next morning to my door opening. I looked over at the clock. It was 5:15 am. The nurse that came in was a differnt one I had never seen before. She had pin-straight red hair and a tattoo on her shoulder peeking out from under her purple scrubs. 

"Savanah, I need your vitals, please. Wake up." She said 

I turned over to face her and let her get my vitals. She finished and left the room. Marley groaned in the other bed, so I though she was awake. 

"Marley?" I whistpered. 

"Huh?" She said turning over to face me. 

"Did I wake you up?" I asked

"Nah, your'e good" She said.

"Do they do that every morning?" I asked.

"Nah, just for the new patients. Once you're a level two they stop. I'm a level two, so they didn't have to take mine. They will probably come back in in about an hour and ask you to shower and weigh you then." She said. 

"Oh ok." I said. 

"If you don't mind me asking, how did you get to Northside?" I asked. 

"The cops brought me here after I ran away from my seccond foster home in three months." She said. 

"Oh wow." I said. 

"Yeah, I've been in the system since my mom got arrested when I was three. She was a meth addict. My little brother got adopted by a nice family but no one wants me. The last four places were hell. I was with a family when I was 13 and their oldest son would abuse me. Call me fat, hit me, and one time he, um, did stuff to me." She sat up and took a newspaper clipping off the nightstand and handed it to me. 

"Local foster parents arrested" It read. The article went on to say how her foster parents' 29 year old son would rape her in front of his firends and how the parents would beat the crap out of her, and what charges they now faced. I was at a loss for words completely. I handed it back to her and she put back in its' spot. 

"It's my most prized possesion, bessides this." She said holding up a tattered elephant that was once either pink or gray. 

"Anyways, I got taken out of that hell hole when I told my caseworker what was going on and they put me in the children's home. I was there from the time I was fourteen up untill last may. I was getting bullied and so I packed my backpack and just walked out. No one stopped me. I was on the street for a couple days and then the police found me and put me in this other slice of hell run by a bunch of nuns called St. Mary's. I was miserable there and so I ran away in october. Once again, the cops found me and brought me back but this time to a place one step away from juvie, The Abby Center. In december, after I was getting picked on for a while I ran away again, but this time when the cops found me I told them that if I had to go into another foster care facility, I was going to kill myself, and that I didn't want to live anymore. They brought me straight here. Everything I own was stuffed in a trash bag at the Abby Center and brought over and as you probably saw, The left side of the dresser is mine. Everything I own is in there." She said.

"How old are you now?" I asked.

"I just turned sixteen the day after Christmas. I spent my birthday here. You?" She asked.

"I'm fifteen and I'll be sixteen in april." I said. 

Just then, the same nurse came back in our room. 

"Savanah?" She asked

"Yes?" I replied

"Now is the time to get your shower if you want to take one. You have to either shower now or later tonight." She told me. 

"I guess now" I said. I grabbed my bag of tolietries and followed her to the hallway. 

She took me in one of the offices and had me take off my clothes and weighed me. She made me face backward even though I knew the number; 52 pounds. I put my clothes back on and followed her to the girl's bathroom where several other patients were showering, each with a nurse waiting outside the curtain to hand them a towel. I took off my flip flops, got in one of the stalls and pulled the curtian over. I started taking off my clothes and looked at my disgusting body. It was all skin and bones. I guess I really had gone too far and gotten lost. I handed my dirty clothes to the nurse and I turned on the hot water. I finished showering and turned off the water and extended my arm until I felt a towel. I pulled the towel in and wrapped it arround me. I dried off and got dressed and I told the nurse it was ok to look now. She took me back to my room and told me to finish getting ready and be in the cafeteria in ten minutes. When I got back to the room, Marley was unlocking her side of the dresser and told me that I get the key to my side when I become a level one. I tied my damp blonde hair up into a ponytail and put my makeup on, not too much but enough to cover up my disgusting face. I walked into the cafeteria and saw people sitting at long tables just like the ones at my high school. I sat down at the far end by myself and just as I sat, Marley called to me to sit with her at the next table over. 

"This is Emma, Avery, and Ethan." Marley said as each person waved. 

Emma had a short pixie cut and half her brown hair was dyed purple. She wore a muscle shirt with a mandala on it and ripped jeans with sandals. She had a few peircings in each ear, one in each side of her nose and had her septum peirced as well. She smiled as she looked at Marley. 

"Let's go get our food, Mar." She said 

Marley and Emma went into the food line to pick their breakfast, while I was left with the other two patients. 

A staff member arrived and handed me, Ethan, and Avery our plates, with a variety of brekfast items on them. I looked at my eggs and toast and shuddered with disgust.

"Anything you don't finish, you will have to make up with a suppliment, Savanah." The nurse who weighed me said,  I looked at her name tag. Jessie was her name. 

"So what brings you here, Savanah?" Ethan asked

"Eating Disorder." I said. 

"Well, You're not alone. Avery and I are here for the same reason." He said. 

Ethan was tall and had short brown hair and dressed very fashionably. He wore a collared shirt, skinny jeans, and Vans. He spoke in a high pitched voice and did a lot of jesturing as he spoke, and I would later come to find he was one of the nicest people in the facility. 

Avery was very quiet and pushed her food arround as she ate. She had long brown hair and very sad brown eyes. She wore leggings and a pink tank top with flowers on it that hung on her like garbage bags. Even her slippers looked huge on her. 

Just then, the door opened and Jessie came in with a little girl who looked about eight. The girl came running over to our table. 

"Ethan! Avery!" She exclaimed. 

Ethan slid over to make room for her. Just then, Marley and Emma returned to the table with their food. 

"This is Breena. She comes upstairs durring the day, but really she's downstairs in the kids' ward. Friday is her last day. " Marley said. 

"Are you excited?" Emma asked.

"No, I'm scared and I'm sad too. I'm gonna miss you guys and I wont get to be everyone's little sister anymore." 

Jessie brought over Breena's plate and she started eating. We talked a little more and I finished most of my food and when Jessie took my plate, she said I would not have to take a suppliment. which was good. 

We were told by Denise, the other nurse walking around in the cafeteria to head over to the dayroom and that community would start in five minutes. 

Everyone at our table got up and started cleaning up their places and heading out the door to the dayroom at the other end of the hall. I did the same. There was indistinct chatter in the hallway as we walked over.

"Everyone, it's community time, and we have a new patient here today so as we go arround, please introduce yourself. Other than that, just do what we normally do. Victoria, since you are community leader, you may start when everyone is ready." Denise said

About five minutes passed and then Victoria pounded a gavel on the wooden table she was sitting at. everyone sitting on the couch made their way over to the two tables. Denise shut off the T.V. Victoria was a tall girl with long brown hair and glasses. She had fair skin and wore sweats like almost everyone else here. 

"Allright fellow Northsiders! Morning community meeting is now in session. We will go around the room, say our name, level, how we are feeling, and our goal for today. Please also tell us something about you because we do have a new patient here. I'll start. My name is Victoria Clemmons, I'm 17, and I am recovering from an eating disorder. I am a level three and today I feel happy because monday is my last day. My goal for today is to finish my assignment for school and one fact about me is that I have a cat named Simba and I miss him."

Everyone else followed suit.

"My name is Emma Jefforson I'm 16, I am here for mental health. I am a level two, I am currently a little upset because I got my journal stolen last night. My goal for today is to find my journal. Fact about me is that I want to be a Yoga teacher."

"My name is Noah Peters, I'm 17, I'm here for mental health, I'm a level two, today I'm content, my goal for today is to have a good session with Stephanie. My favorite color is blue."

"My name is Jack, I'm 15, here for mental health,  I'm a level one, today I feel sad. My goal is to level up today. I like music."

"I'm Haley, 15, mental health, level two, I feel depressed and homesick, no goal for today. No fact about me either." 

"I'm Riley, I'm 15, I'm here for an eating disorder, I'm a level three and I feel happy because Victoria gets to go home soon. My goal is to finish my school assignment. My fact about me is that I sing and that I'm in band at my school." 

"I'm Lexi, here for mental health, I'm 17, I'm a level two,  I feel calm today. My goal is to level up, and I like to read." 

"I'm Marley Adams, I'm 16, I'm a level two, I'm here for mental health, I feel happy because I have a new friend here and my goal is to make her feel as welcome as possible. Fact about me is that I love music." 

Then it was my turn. 

"My name is Savanah Bidwell, I'm 15 and I am here for an eating disorder. I am on the precaution level, I feel nervous, my goal is to get used to being here, and a fact about me is that I really like school and I hope I can go back soon." 

My face felt hot. I wanted to disapear. 

"My name is Ethan Crawford, I'm 15, here for an eating disorder, I'm a level 3, and I feel happy beacuse Savanah is here and she wants to get better. My goal is the same as Marley's, which is to help Savanah have a good first day. I love theater and musicals and I'm looking forward to going back to school so I can be in drama again." 

Marley and Ethan both smiled at me. 

"I'm Lilly, I'm 16, here for an eating disorder, I'm a level 3, feeling content, my goal is to respect my body durring outside rec and my fact is that I play basketball at my school."

"My name is Avery Brooks, I'm 17, I'm here for an eating disorder. I'm a level one because I got caught doing a 'chew-n-spit' sunday night. I'm feeling anxious, my goal is to level up, and I love animals." 

The little girl went next. 

"My name is Breena Fowler, I'm here for an eating disorder, I come upstairs durring the day but I'm really on the kids part. I'm a level 3. I feel happy but sad too because I'm leaving soon. My goal is to have a good day. My favorite color is pink. I'm eight."

She was so tiny for her age and it was so obvious she had been sick for a long time. She had blonde hair tucked up into a ponytail, Jeans, a purple shirt with Hello Kitty on it, and glittery pink Toms. Her blue eyes were very bright and prominant. 

More people shared in community.

"I'm Hunter, I'm 17, level two, here for mental health, I'm feeling pretty good. My goal is to finish my schoolwork. Fact about me is that I love to skateboard." 

"I'm Zach, here for mental health, I'm 14, level three, feeling good today, my goal is to have a good session with my therapist. I like to play video games." 

"Connor's my name, I'm 14, I'm a level 3, here for mental health, today I'm feeling a little pissed off, and my goal is to participate in all the groups. I can't think of a fact about me." 

"I'm Dylan, I'm here for mental health, I'm 16, I'm a level two, I'm feeling a little tired, my goal is to finish my school assignment. I play drums."

"I'm Chase, I'm 17, I'm here for mental health, I'm a level three, and I'm happy because I'll be leaving soon. My goal is to have a good session with my therapist. I like to write music and play video games." 

"Thank you all, now does anyone have any announcements for the community today?" Victoria asked, hitting the gavel on the table once. 

"I have one." Denise said. "Last night, this dayroom was left a mess so instead of playing kickball for outside rec, we are going to run laps. Everyone here  must participate except for Savanah, Breena and Avery who are on ED precautions and aren't allowed excersise. We found a number of personal items in the dayroom last night, so if you want your stuff back, it will be in the nurses' station. Jackie did not have to stay 45 minutes after her shift to clean the dayroom. You all owe her an appology when she clocks in at three."

The entire room let out a symphony of groans. 

"Anything else?" Victoria asked. "Allright, morning community meeting is now over, thank you to all who participated." She added before hitting the gavel once more. 

People started to get up from the two tables and made their way over to the couch. Just as I was about to join Marley, Emma, Avery, Ethan and Breena on the couch, a young woman in jeans, ballet flats, and a pretty purple blouse with a gray cardigan called my name from the doorway. She had long black hair and big square glasses. She smiled at me as I walked over to her. 

"Hello, my name is Vanessa, and I will be your therapist here at Northside."

She led me down the hallway into one of the small offices and proceeded to ask me a million questions, while writing down everything I said. After being interrogated for what seemed like forever, she let me go and I walked back to the dayroom, supprised to find it empty. Denise poked her head in the door. 

"Everyone's next door in Will's group right now." She said, motioning to the left wall. 

I quietly went next door and slipped into an empty seat as the therapist, Will drew a flowchart on the whiteboard about regulating emotions. Group ended and everyone went to thier rooms to get ready for outside rec.

As people lined up by the nurse's station. I followed. Denise and Kerri got a head count on us and took us down the back stairs to the end of the hall downstairs where a door was. Denise unlocked it and led everyone outside. I was almost blinded by the sun as I stepped onto the pavement. Outside, it looked somewhat like a prison yard. A 15-foot chainlink fence with barbed wire surrounded the outside area and went straight up to the main structure. Outside there was a deck with an overhang and some benches coming out from the main building, a small basketball court, a small jungle gym, and a big grassy feild. Denise instructed us to walk the perimiter of the feild and start running when she said so. 

This really was going to be like prison. 

Me, Breena, and Avery sat on the grass with Denise who stood in the center of the feild with a bullhorn and instructed everyone to start running. 

"Marley! Would ya pick up the pace? If you can run from the cops you can run faster than that!" She exclaimed into the bullhorn. 

Soon after, we went back upstairs and everyone changed out of their sweaty clothes. We all made our way into the dayroom for Vanessa's art therapy group where we cut up magizines to make pictures of things that make us happy. Will pulled marley out of that group and I didn't see her untill lunch. I had finished eating about half of my food, which they gave me the rest of through my tube. While I was hooked up to the machine, Marley ate her food next to me. We were alone in the cafeteria. 

"Where were you?" I asked. 

"In a meeting with Will, Dr. P, and my caseworker. Since I have so little, they are giving Kerri a gift card with some of my foster kid money from the government so she can take me to a couple stores tomorrow. I have a four- hour pass. I leave right after breakfast and I'll be back right around lunchtime." She said. 

The rest of the day went by quickly and before I knew it it was time for bed. I would miss Marley tomorrow but I felt better knowing that I at least would't be sitting alone.