Chapter One

see main description, also see authors note as well Contains language!

Chapter One

A/N- TRIGGER/ LANGUAGE WARNING!  I do appologize ahead of time for the language and subject matter discessed in this chapter esspeically. In this chapter Savanah is not in the best mental state, for obvoius reasons, and some profanity may be used. Also, another main character's backstory is discussed here and some elements of that may be triggering to some and are definately not appropriate for all audiences. This book will also continue to deal with subject matter that some may find triggering or innapropriate. I should have put this on the last chapter as well. Anyways, sorry for not writing as often, enjoy! 

I awoke to a very bright light in my face. I then looked arround and took in my surroundings, the last thing I remember was purging in my bathroom, and looking arround I could immedately tell this was a hospital, which begged the question, what the hell happened? I looked at my hands and my arms which were hooked up to at least three different wires and tubes. One was an I.V. drip, one was attached to all these things stuck to me, which appeared to be hooked up to my heart somehow, and then I felt something inside my nose and reached up to touch it and my heart sank when I realized what it was. They tubed me.They ACTUALLY F*****G TUBED ME. I thought they just threatened people in treatment with that. My vision was spotty and blurry, but I tried to stand up and at least figgure out why I was here. As I went to stand, I felt the tug of the wires and tubes hooked up to me and a wave of weakness and dizziness wash over me. Just then, and alarm went off and three nurses came rushing in. 

"What are you doing?" the one exclaimed.

"I was just going to try and see if I could go home. I don't know why I'm here but I feel fine." I said, blatantly lying. 

"Get back into bed right now. You aren't allowed out of bed because you're too weak." She repiled.

"Where am I?" I asked.

"Northside Hospital's ICU." The nurse replied very matter-of-factly. 

"Why am I here?" I asked.

"You were purging in your bathroom and just collapsed from forcing your malnourished body to throw up what little you ate. Your mom came home early and found you. You were taken here by ambulance three days ago." The nurse said. 

I was at a complete loss for words. I had no idea getting thin and healthy would end me up here. I sank back into the hospital bed in defeat, careful not to budge any of the wires or tubes hooked up to me. My face felt hot and a knot grew in my throat as the first tear of many I would shed that day came slipping down out of my eye and down my cheek onto the hospital gown and stark-white sheets. 

"You have also been placed on a 5150 mental health hold because youwere deemede to be a threat to your own well-being. The state of California only allows us to hold you for 72 hours, even if you were unconcious for most of it. The 72 hours expires tonight at seven, but your parents and your hospital-assigned caseworker have decided to keep you here in medical until you can walk on your own and your vitals stabalize and then you will be transfered over to the adolescent wing of our long-term psychiatric care facility." She continued to say.

I cried some more and the nurse patted my shoulder and left my room. 

The next three days were a blur of heavy medications, forced meals both brought to me and through my tube, and crying, both from me and my parents. durring the afternoon of day three, I walked to the bathroom on my own and my heart rate had stablized a bit, so my parents gave me my cell phone to Facetime me from my bedroom at home while they packed a bag for me. I cried even more as my mom filled a suitcase with everything I told her to pack, my favorite jeans, (size 000 from Aeropostale that I practically swam in) my hoodies, some yoga pants, some t-shirts, sweaters, pajama pants, socks, leggings, bras, underwear, tank tops, my boots my Vans, a pair of flip-flops, and my slippers all went into the suitcase. She then went into my bathroom, which was where the fateful incident occurred. She was careful not to show the toliet as she packed my toothbrush, makeup, shampoo, bodywash, and hairbrush into a plastic bag that she put in the suitcase. She asked if I wanted anything else packed and I told her to bring my blanket with the purple and black flowers on it. She zipped the suitcase, told me she loved me and hung up. I cried even more.

Arround six, my parents came into my hospital room with a plastic bag with a sports bra, navy sweatpants, a purple tank top with a peace sign on it, underwear, socks, my favorite black cardigan, and my Converse Chuck Taylors. The nurse came in and disconnected all the wires and tubes, except the one in my nose, which she capped somehow, took my vitals, and closed the curtian over to let me change into what my parents brought. Once I changed, the nurse told me she would be getting a wheelchair to move me over to the psych building across the parking lot. 

Once I was out of the main hospital building, I was hit immidaitely with the cool late January winds as the sun was setting. I was wheeled over to a large, two-story square white building. This must be where they lock up the real psychos, I thought to myself. The nurse explained to me that adolescents were upstairs and adults were downstairs, and that my parents were already waiting in the lobby with my stuff. The automatic doors opened up and I was wheeled into a lobby and taken to the elevator to go upstairs. Once I was upstairs, I took in my surroundings that I would call home for the next two months. Yep. TWO F*****G MONTHS. My mom and dad handed my suitcase over to the nurse and both hugged and kissed me before heading back downstairs and home to our house. This was home for me now. Home sweet hell. Locked up with all the lunatics. Might as well put me in jail. I felt the knot in my throat and started crying some more. 

In the lobby, there was a front desk in the corner closest to the doors of the adolescent wing  where a young, african-american girl in scrubs with headphones in her ears sat, typing away at the computer. The nurse pushing me asked her to buzz us in and the double wooden doors opened. Inside, it looked like a normal hospital except everyone wore regular clothes, well the two girls who made a point to stare at me did at least. The nurse who brought me handed me and my stuff over to this older woman with a short blonde bob and blue scrubs. This woman introduced herself as Kerri. I was stopped at the nurses' station and she asked me if I wanted to sleep in what I was wearing. I said that was fine, and she opened my suitcase and asked me to pick out what I was wearing tomorrow. She explained that I would not be able to have any of my clothes until I was a level one and proved I wasn't going to hurt myself or throw up. I got to keep my jeans and a long sleeved shirt with the California flag on it, along with underwear, my toothbrush, my hairbrush, an eyeliner pencil, the eyshadow pallette my mom packed, a couple brushes, concealer, mascara, and my blanket. Untill I was a level one, I would have to sign my clothes in and out when I wanted to change, have someone watch me in the bathroom, and be checked on every fifteen minutes. I was given two new hospital bracelets, in addition to the two I already had, one had my name and the other was just red and I was told I would get a new one when I leveled up. I was then wheeled arround the corner to a room with a small window with wire running through it and a small wooden "4" under the window. I was told I was going to be in bed B, and much like Stonewood, someone else already occupied the other bed, but had much less than my previous roomate had. I was told to get situtated then I was to report back to the nurses' station. Kerri then turned arround to leave. I got up out of the wheelchair and started putting the few things I had away in the unoccupied side of the dresser. Everything fit in the top drawer. I put my blanket on the bed and started crying again. The room looked like a cross between a hospital and a prison. Two twin sized beds in a tiny room and stark-white walls and sheets. Light wood that matched all the doors on all the furniture. I wanted to go home more than I had ever wanted anything else in my life. 

I wiped my tears and made my way to the nurses' station. 

"Hi, you told me to come here?" I asked. 

"Yes, wait right here, I need to find your roomate so I can introduce you two and she can give you a tour of the facility." She turned to the other nurse. "Hey Denise, have you seen Marley?" 

"I think she's in the dayroom or cafeteria. I just saw her walk past." Denise replied. 

Kerri walked quickly down the hall and disapeared arround the corner and the returned 5 minutes later with not the derranged psychopath I was expecting, but a petite girl with fair skin and long brown curly hair. She had on jeans, beat-up black vans, and a tight red v-neck short sleeved shirt. 

"Savanah, this is Marley, Marley this is Savanah, you two will be roomates." Kerri said as Marley extended her hand to shake mine. I shook her hand and forced a smile. 

"Marley, give her a tour and tell her about all our rules. Just like Emma did for you." Kerri said, turning to Marley. 

Kerri then disapeared once again and I was left alone with this girl. 

"Don't be so scared. You've got nothing to worry about." She said, smiling slighty.

I followed her down the hallway as she spoke to me. 

"Well, welcome to Northside. Not the happiest place to be but you'll get used to it. My name is Marley Adams, and I've been here almost a month now, and I am recovering from Anxiety, Depression, and Bipolar Disorder. But don't worry. time flies when your'e here." She said as she walked with me to the other side of the hall and then arround the corner. "These are the therapist's offices, and Dr. P's office too. There's the girl's bathroom and the boy's bathroom, and in that back corner is the cafeteria. Molly's office is right there." she siad pointing to a small room next to the cafeteria. "Everything else down this hallway with a number on it is someone's bedroom. If you have to come get them for any reason you knock and say your name and tell them what you want, but you aren't allowed in anyone else's room otherwise. Did you see our room yet?" I nodded. We passed our room and came to the other end of the U- shapped hallway. "Now those three rooms on the left, you never want to go there. The first two are isolation rooms, you get put in there if you're sick and contagous or if you need to be restrained and put on 24 hour supervision. The tiny room is the 'Quiet Room' where all four walls are padded and you go in there to calm down before they sedate you. I've been in both of those rooms." She said. "These two back rooms are the group room on the left, where we have group several times a day, and the one on the right is they day room where everyone hangs out during free time." We looked inside and a few patients were in there reading books, watching T.V. or playing on the fooseball table. "The rules here simple, just don't do anything stupid or try to hurt yourself or anyone else. Because here, it's either the QR with restraints or down to juvie in a cop car. They want you to get better here but they don't play arround. Allright, well, I guess thats pretty much everything." She said before walking over to the nurses' station and telling Kerri that she finished showing me arround. 

Later that night, I slept mostly while Marley hung out in the dayroom. I heard her laughter down the hallway when Kerri came in to take my vitals, draw some blood, and have me sign some behavior agreements, which were contracts where I agreed to eat all my food and not hurt myself or anyone else. I eventually fell asleep to the sound of Marley talking to Kerri arround ten, and then I guess Marley fell asleep too.