#2 'How do you know, when you know?'

For Alex.

So, since I’m being truthful and all that, I’m in love! It is so wonderful to be in love. Even as I write this my eyes are in their wistful lust mode and I have absolutely no idea what to write next because my imagination is clouded by thoughts of him and only him. Being in love, you realise that it isn’t about having the perfect relationship. Does he make you laugh? Yes. Does he make you cry? All the time. That’s all you need to know and that’s all you need to care about because when you look at him and he looks at you, there’s a strange kind of connection, and suddenly, you think, this is it, I’ve found my soulmate. His name is Alex and his eyes are the colour of the Mediterranean in the midday sun of July. I’m so lucky to be loved by him; you can tell he doesn’t open himself up to many people. I want us to last, even when we’re old and his hair is half gone and my memory fades but we’ll still look at each other like we’ve met for the very first time. Last night we talked on the phone for 34 minutes, I could listen to the sound of his voice forever. It’s very thoughtful, and concise, but in that effortlessly cool sort of way. Sometimes, he stumbles on his words, mixing them up and gets embarrassed, and I imagine him holding his phone across London.

“Chris?” he says. “You there?”

“Yeah”, I say. “Just tired”.

But that’s a lie. I like the sound of our silence, his short breaths and long sighs. No words can conjure a million thoughts of just us, together.

You know, when everything reminds you of him, when you ache for his touch and uplifting presence. That’s when you know, there will never be someone else quite like him, and your heart breaks in two knowing you have to leave him.