Blank Void

A rewrite of a terrible old story I wrote some time ago. Will be fully fleshed out. Just an excerpt.

EXCERPT/TEASER

Halfway to the moon, Alfonz looked through the spacecraft's telescope and could not make out any buildings, only the cratered, rotted surface. From a distance of 170,000 km away, the looming behemoth gave off a spectral light, as if dusted with the ashes of bones. Dark and diseased patches ruptured the white aura here and there. Alfonz observed ghostly shadows, flitting across the still distant ashen surface. They grew momentarily in size and force into grotesque, epileptic seizures of death and longing. Then, the aura shuddered and crept back as the space surrounding the moon blackened once more. His vision swayed. For a brief moment he felt his life being sapped from him, a wholly terrible and despairing sensation that passed after jerking his head back from the eyepiece.

His hands instantly shot up to his face. Cupped fingers rubbed around contours, felt at the thin flap of flesh covering each eyeball. He blinked repeatedly. Film reels started and stopped. Finally, the haze settled and, with one emphatic blink, clarity returned.   

Author's Note

Another excerpt. I know, I know. Also, was trying to put into practice some exercises with diction.

Reviews

[Ookpik]

This was pretty slick - I like your character's name and your descriptive language is quite good. Shadows metamorphosing into "grotesque, epileptic seizures of death and longing" is especially nice.

The premise is too, is right up my alley - a spaceman inadvertently transformed into a camera. There's something kind of Sartrean about that, and it posits some existentialism.

Whether an excerpt, or a portrait, I quite enjoyed reading and intend to do so again with more of your work.

-Ook

[Mazie]

I LOVE your description and attention to detail in this. It's mesmerizing :) Easy to picture. Nice excerpt!