You and yourself are just going to have to make amends

What happens when you look yourself up in the dictionary? Who are you anyway? Have you asked yourself that before. Read me and find out.

I'm a writer. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm anything else. I'm not a visionary. I'm not a business maverick. I'm not profound. I just put pen to pad. Who are you? What do you do? Again I ask, who are you? That's the scariest question you can ask yourself. Inevitably, you go through all of the things you'd like to be but, if you're honest, you realize that you're really not all of them, just some of them. Then it gets harder. The harder you dig the tougher it gets to identify yourself. You may feel that there are no words that describe you accurately but you'd be wrong. The beautiful thing about our language is that there is always a word. I believe that the things you do determine who you are. If you study a lot then you're studious. If you speak well then you're articulate. Luckily, you can decide who you want to be. I know exactly how cliché that sounds. I know why you may think that that's a cop out but it's really not. I want to make something clear at this point, though.

You cannot, and will not, grow six inches and become Michael Jordan. It just ain't gonna happen. You can, however, become anything from an engineer to the best burger flipper in town (we call the really good ones chefs).

After someone asks themselves what they who they are, they must then ask who they want to be.  Within the realm of reason, of course. I want to be the voice that makes you think. In essence, I want to cultivate your intellect. The day you figure out who you want to be is a tragic one because that's the day you figure out that you don't want to be anything or anyone else. But like a lot of things it's bittersweet. On that day you will find your purpose. All desire to divert from that purpose will be gone (until you doubt yourself but read my other essay on dealing with doubt).

Who you want to be is beautifully unique because you're beautifully unique. So you want to learn another language. That's great! But your reason for learning it will be different from the next person's. Your combination of interests will not match a single soul on this planet. Where it like a rainbow at a gay pride parade. It's yours. I feel as though I'm being preachy and I hate that because I really don't mean to be. I meant to give you a few anecdotes from my life but here I am, spitting from the pulpit.

I used to be ashamed of being a writer. Every time I told someone that I majored in English in college they would always respond with, "oh, so you want to be a writer." No, sir. I don't WANT to be a writer. I AM a writer. The arts have such a negative connotation because the truth of the matter is, myself included, is that most of us are living out the lives of the starving artists that you hear so much about. A pretty girl once told me that majoring in English was like dating a sweet guy that couldn't afford to take you out. She was an English major.

Figure out who you want to be and morph into that person. It won't be easy and it certainly won't be overnight. At the end of the day only your philosophy and ideals is going to get you through the day. I hope you're changing because I'm changing too. The things I write today won't be the same things I write twenty years from now. I will, however, be the same at the core. You will be too. Your core is like a Christmas tree. What you learn and pick up and keep are the ornaments. The star at the top is your purpose. Some of you are lucky because you have not yet found your purpose so your ornaments act as guides until you get to the top. The unfortunate souls like me crown their tree from the beginning and spend their life scrambling to find ornaments that will align with that. I want to complete my tree. An incomplete tree is an incomplete Christmas. I think that anyone can complete their tree. They just have to want to bad enough. You spend your time and money where you want to spend them. The same goes for your energy and effort. You can't afford to be wasteful because finding out who you want to be is expensive. The tax of it all is that you will have to go through a lot of things that you don't want until you find what you do want.

I remember when I was twenty two and I wanted a girlfriend more than I wanted to breathe. My uncle asked me what I was looking for in a woman. I told him that I didn't know but that I was willing to go through all of the things I didn't want so that I could find what I did want with a woman. He said that would lead to a lot of heartache. A few girlfriends later I realized that he was right. But I survived and now I know exactly what I want in a woman. The same can be said about finding out who you are.

So am I winning because I know who I don't want to be or am I losing because I'm not quite sure yet who I do want to be. It's up to you to determine if you want to walk down your path of hot coals. There will be days when it seems very easy to jump off but it will be equally as gratifying to finish and marvel at the person that you have become.

Like I said, finding who you are is scary because it's like you're blind folded and walking towards a cliff. Walking off of a cliff is insane but you can't stop the urge to want to walk off and fall into that deep dark abyss that is your passion. Your passion is who you are.

Author's Note

Let me know what you think. All reviews welcome.