An Open Letter from the Subconscious: My Sober Month Pt. I

Greetings world! Remember me? No, you probably don’t. That’s because not many do, in fact, I’m your subconscious. You know that pesky realm between coherence and blatant incompetence? That fuzzy, grey area where you kind of remember saying that one mean thing to that one person but then again you’re not entirely sure how you ended up with vomit on your shirt? Yeah, I’m talking about that substance enhanced one. I know it all too well and I’m sure most people who are also in their 20’s can say the same. Now, one can argue that this is just a normative phase in every young adult’s life; a rite of passage if you will. However, it is more than easy to get sucked into the cyclical nature of a 2-for-1 special on a Monday afternoon because f**k it, it’s Monday. Then again on Tuesday because goddamnit it’s only Tuesday and so on and so forth. I’m 22-years old, an ex-student with a part-time job living with a girl friend of mine with little responsibility and it’s like, how do I not have a signature drink yet? Yes I do, it’s called, “ANYTHING WITH ALCOHOL IN IT”. Cue the bad decision making periods! I’m going to be honest, I’m a sucker for the drunken dial/text. Like, that’s my drug of choice. “Why’d you only call me when you’re high?” Alex Turner croons because, THAT S**T IS TOO FUN NOT TO. But, I digress. I’m not proud and yet I’m not all that ashamed. I’m in the crux of hating myself but being somewhat amused at the same time. I can’t say the same for the others on the receiving end of my ridiculousness but you know, to each their own. In the end, this isn’t about the awesomely awesome, yet annoying, times that alcoholic beverages can contribute to. This is about realizing that cooling one’s incessant desire for anything and everything spiked may not be such a bad idea. This is about my liver (shout out to one of the downest of all organs by the way). This is about me being “above the influence” for 31 days. May somehow turned into sobriety month. What did I just get myself into?

Now, you could probably be thinking, one month of not drinking doesn’t sound like that big of a deal. I didn’t really think so either until I realized that just the other day I was pushing back vodka cranberries like I was up in the VIP of Club Overrated-Hollywood-Life and this was really all done from a recliner in a friend’s living room as I looked on at a game of Lego Star Wars on some console that I don’t know because I stopped caring about game consoles after like, Nintendo 64. What was the occasion? Oh you know, WEDNESDAY. I would be hard pressed to say that occurrences such as this don’t occur as often as they do. But here I am, reflecting on times that I can only piece together. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with swimming in the sauce every now and again but at some point, I get tired of the rounds of apologetic texts I find myself sending out the next morning. So, what exactly possessed me into doing this at this time? It definitely wasn’t something planned but sometimes circumstances can fall into such a perfect time cohesion that it seems meant to be all along. What do I hope to gain from this experience? I hope I can alter past perceptions of things within my life that are continuously infringing themselves and not allowing me to move forward in a more positive and healthy direction. What I mean by this is that I conjure up negative thoughts, just like anybody else does, but a sober mind can suppress and rationalize as opposed to an inebriated state where overreaction and rash decision making are enhanced and chosen over the former. I’m not saying that I’ll forever give up drinking but I do want to change states of mind so that when alcohol does come into the equation, it won’t go back to that negativity, simply because it won’t be there. I don’t know for sure if one month is enough to accomplish my objectives but a lot can happen in 31 days and if anything, it is a good place to start.

So there you have it folks! Part I of my Sober Sally Saga. I shall reconvene at the end of this month hopefully a more complete and better person. I would just like to take this moment to say a tearful goodbye or rather, see you later, to vino, bottom-shelf vodka, cheap beer, vino, rum and cokes, the occasional whiskey, and last but not least, vino. You are all so near and dear to my heart and I will never forget the good and bad times we’ve shared. Don’t ever change and I look forward to the good and probably bad but I hope more good than bad, times we will have to come.