Despair and Depression

I wrote this in July, as my anxiety and depression started to increase significantly. I was questioning my self-worth a lot.

The depths of despair all meld into one
Despite the best efforts, the joy is none
Silent tears do roll down my dreary face
Hiding away from those who would embrace

Isolated from the dominant here
It Ieaves me in an existential fear
Do I belong, am I an outsider
Am I just the cultural divider?

The blackness envelopes me, day and night
Maintaining just some strength takes all my might
What hobbies I enjoyed have disappeared
Life's passion effectively commandeered

They say to look at the bigger picture
All I can hear is the constant stricture
Bullies from the past, criticism now
It's why people look at me disallow

Winston Churchill spoke of little black dogs
That would follow him like a frog to bogs
It has been many years since my black dog
Arrived to me like some crazed demagogue

Even though there are good days, maybe weeks,
I have no problems, it's like many peaks
Then I'll drop in a ditch, deep in the dark
Unable to see the way out, no sparks

Outside, I might look fine and together
The turmoil inside says no fair weather
I'll be crying with pain that naught can see
Yet many think this is hyperbole

The need to hide away, ever present
Emotional state goes into descent
The dreaded feeling that colleagues don't care
Fills me with horrid unceasing despair

As I suffer, getting help where I can
It is mostly in silence, a pained man
The risk of further discrimination
Has many negative implication

We are not crazy, nor we unstable
It is poor form to give us that label
We need understanding, love, care and help
There's no need to run away with a yelp