Anxiety Far From Home

This was written in March 2020, during the COVID restrictions in Shenzhen. My anxiety and depression were sneaking up on me.

Right now is a weird time
My adopted home is not like mine
I knew that when I came here
But it can still bring on a tear
Everyone is away inside
Businesses prohibited from opening wide
Masks hide bottom half of faces
Even though people can go no places
 
On top of that, the cultural differences
Leave me reeling, they keep their distances
With some, I can understand
Yet other matters leave me with no plan
Sometimes I feel that there is no logic
So it leaves my mind fogged and caustic
Leaders seem to wait ages to make a decision
This conservative approach, I fear lacks vision
 
The crazy attitude to work drives me mad
Every employee gets beaten like a stamp pad
It’s not unusual to see stupid long hours
Worked by staff for no rewards or flowers
Late into every night and on every weekend
A work-life balance? You won’t see any friend
Messages sent in the wee hours of the morning
Are expected by leaders, who expect them without mourning
 
It is not unusual for all staff
To work twice weekly hours without a laugh
Working seven days straight?
Not unusual and hard to get a date
Topline managers yell and scream
Expecting it to motivate their underling’s dreams
I’ve sat through plenty of hours-long meetings in Chinese
Of course, I learn nothing, I’m forgotten like blue cheese
 
So with all of this happening, and my emotions on edge
An unfortunate event saw me fall deep into a dredge
That I knew had been there for quite some time
But I found myself feeling worth less than a dime
As tears welled up in my blue and green eyes
My beloved wife came over to sympathize
However, my mind had wandered deep
Into the depths of my soul, unable to stop the weep

I asked her to kindly leave me in my head
Her hugs are appreciated, but I was stuck at a beachhead
She understood what I meant, she left me on my own
Keeping an eye on me to ensure no pain, no cuts to the bone
As hours passed by, the anxiety passed by
The little black dog faded from my mind's eye
And I returned to a position of mental stability
Not happy, not sad, but kind of like tranquillity
 
I know that anxiety will come and haunt me again
It will always be there, like lettuce romaine
They call it the little black dog for a reason
It just keeps coming back, whatever the season
You never know when it will come and give you a visit
It’s never announced, schedules are not in it
The depths of despair in which you can find yourself
Are also opportunities to place emotions on a shelf
 
By putting things aside and thinking in new ways
An opportunity that arises when you travel many highways
From home, even if they are in the air
A reassessment stops you from going spare
The realization that you haven’t truly stopped
Could be what you need so traveling you can hop
Often a holiday is an excellent method
To look after that mind of yours so precious
 
In concluding this piece that I threw together today
My emotions were down, my mind totally frayed
That’s an okay thing to occur
I’m better now, I hear the slight purr
Of my mind slightly at ease with the world around me
I’m slightly calmer, not stressed now about the metaphorical sea
Or other uncontrollable things, so I must move on
So thank you for reading, and come back for the next one.