what you did

today my heart was ripped apart

in countless little pieces,

strewn about the parking lot

so sure, but not quite right this situation

pulled up in my driveway

had to ask you one more thing

i hoped would somehow bring

a bit of solace or relief,

or validate my sad belief

that there could ever be

or had ever been

an us like i had wished

a million times

i came inside, not dark at all

but all the power’s out

how fitting,

found my house a quiet shell

still hopeful but i still decide

to yell, and then you

finished off my soul

with just a few short beeps

i didn’t want to look but did

and now i’m feeling like a creep

who’s been deluded and rejected,

my heart both broken

and infected

i can’t see you,

(i) feel smaller than

the mice you said you’d killed

i never want to see you anymore,

i’m feeling that defective

how could i have been so wrong,

how could you have not been right?

-CV

Reviews

[Cassandra D.]

A true and emotional piece of work you've shared with all.
I enjoyed reading this.

[~Sweet Mel~]

nice job!.....I think I experienced this at one time or another!

Hi Chris
I like the style of this writing. Good rhythm throughout. Love
situation pulled up in my driveway
not dark, but the power's out how fitting (don't think you need "at all" at all :))

What about "I'm a creep" instead of using feeling?
Love heart infected and mice analogy.

I read that your goal is to be published. There is a poetry critique site with lots of published poets/writers giving free critiques if you're interested. Many offer feedback on a line-by-line basis and this is very helpful to have from more than one reader/writer, often pros.
Best
Hattie

[Jessica M.]

i feel like i lived this moment,
it's seems almost like dueling with yourself.
nice write.

[Rhonda]

I really love the imagery, mixed with emotion in this poem. It feels dark and broken, and yet real and honest. Nice work.

-R

[Nameless]

out of darkness you sculpted something really worth reading

[Nicole (Carpe Diem)]

very emotional piece... i felt so sad when i finished reading this...the writing is fantastic...