Idahoan Springs

Introductory chapter; a thesis so to speak.

There's a time of night, deep in the wandering depths of a sleeping blackness, where life itself all seems to stop. You see nothing move and hear little sound. The wind has died down like the fleeting breath of a dying man. Light from a full moon faintly glimmers through the clouds and casts down a painting in your eyes. Still. Silent. The trees no longer sway, the bugs no longer chirp and the castaway fluttering trash has found a fence to rest against.

It's like the world is at peace, if even for just a few seconds. In a mutual darkness the world has found a place where nothing can continue its trails towards inevitable daylight. Every person, thing, animal as well as all things between have found a common ground for a truce and rest out the fickle peace. This moment in time is both serene and haunting. You thank the darkness for the fleeting moment of peace but you dread the stillness. The stillness brings ill tidings like the becalmed sea before a thunderous squall to dash your ship upon the rocks.

Reid saw it now; the sickeningly beautiful painting of peace and quiet. It wasn't something that came infrequently though he never failed to sit in wonder for the brief moment it lasted. He dared not close his eyes in fear that he may miss it. He loved it with all its thinly veiled tranquility. He knew what the world was like beyond his personal painting of a still and idyllic night. It made no matter to the young father what lay on the far side of it, only that it hid his grief and eerily soothed him.

For a little point in time, Reid was a content man. Not quite so happy, but... Content. He could sit in silent reflection as the embers of a snuffed fire cracked and hissed noisily to his rear.  Leaning against the entrance of their cave and staring out into the dark woods for that time was something he looked forward to every day. The wind had only stopped for a second, though, unfortunately. When it kicked up again he closed his eyes and listened to the sweet song singing through the leaves. To his ears, which noted the end of silence, it was a bittersweet tune.

In his mind there were memories of a brighter and more complex life whose pleasures, superficial things like running water or electric light, all but disregarded matters of true importance. Cheap fluorescent bulbs used to cast out bright and comforting light when he was but a child but he had long since come to resent the thought of it. He had been younger than Autumn when he had last seen artificial light. Just a small boy no older than seven or eight sitting on his grandfather's porch and looking out onto the fields of wheat as they swayed in the night breeze. The passing thought was warm and it brought a smile to his face when he saw Lawrence's wrinkled old face smiling down at him. Reid could almost feel the hand on his shoulder and hear the booming laughter of the last person of his family he had ever seen.

The man sat and pondered for a while, gently fading to and fro in generally undirected thought. He almost closed his eyes and drifted into sleep but caught himself with a vicious self-reprimanding slap. Reid shuddered thinking of the mistake that would have been. What if he had missed something? It was careless, he thought, careless and stupid to falter for even a second when life was at stake. He groaned and stood to shake out his restless limbs. The poor man was tired, so tired, but his body wouldn't rest. He could sleep for hours and never feel any better for it. He was trying to charge batteries that wouldn't hold any juice.

The unzipping of a sleeping bag spooked him for a second as he paced the entrance. Weary eyes were cast inside to the source that lay beyond the fire pit. Dirty and unkempt hair was tied back into a hasty half ponytail away from a face equally unwashed. Red eyes looked puffy and groggy beneath a few straggling bands of hair drooped across her sleepy face. She had the same pouty look she always did when she was tired, with her mouth pulled into a loose frown and brows slightly pushed together. It wasn't a sign that she was particularly upset about anything but rather an idle expression embedded permanently from a life rooted in nomadic tribulation.

“Autumn, what're you doin' up?” Reid asked her in a hushed tone, “My shift ain't up yet.”

“So? Couldn't sleep,” she whispered back, “Just wanted to talk for a while, I guess.”

Her bare feet padded across the smooth water-eroded stone to the soft earth that it bled away from. They both took a seat on the moss and sat for a bit listening to the wind. Reid watched as the branches of the trees scraped back and forth like a splendid dance of a million leaves. He chuckled after a few minutes of reverent silence.

“So much for talkin',” he pecked Autumn with an elbow, “Somethin' bugging you?”

She huffed and seemed amused, using her hand to push a thin burgandy strand of hair behind her ear, “No. Well, no more than normal.”

Reid glanced over to her, watched as her eyes dropped to the ground and stared deep into dark shapeless space. Something was wrong surely, he thought, it was only to be expected. The two of them had been in a bad way for quite a while. This tiny little hole in a hidden grove deep in the woods had only taken them from the worst of the devastation. They could find food by hunting or trapping and water was close by, but it had been nearly two months since they had eaten a real meal of any kind. It was always scraps of meat or berries or boiled beargrass. The toll being paid by the two of them had slowly effaced them into an almost emaciated state. Even now Reid could feel the rumbling of his stomach.

When he looked back to Autumn, silver streams of water were edging down her cheeks and she was weakly muffling her sniffles. A twang of sorrow hit Reid and he crawled to her, draping her with his arms. When she turned to him and hugged him back she let loose whatever else was hiding behind her thin walls as well. Reid closed his eyes and felt a lump in his throat. He had never seen her cry like this, not since Emma had passed. Shuddering sobs made her seem to rock back and forth, and she continued for a while until the tear-filled gasping led way to sniffles again. Reid kept her wrapped up in his arms a bit longer, then let her go. He mustered a smile and wiped a tear from her face. The dirt smudged under his thumb.

Autumn leaned on his shoulder and Reid could feel her falling asleep again. She got like that sometimes, though with less crying. Nightmares would keep her from sound sleep and she always came to him under the pretense of seeking mere conversation. They did talk for a while most times, sometimes for hours at a time, then she'd fall asleep against him until it was her shift for watch. He angled himself against the wall and let her sleep on his shoulder tonight. After a while of adjusting she fell into a steady deep breath and Reid knew she had been prey for the sand man. He felt a cool wetness creep down his cheek and rest at the edge of his dirty beard.

The hours of the night crept slowly by as it seemed to cling desperately to the land in an effort to keep from moving. Reid had decided that night, if it were a person, it would be a lazy one. Always sleeping and never really doing anything productive. It was a time of still and sometimes movement. There were always the few stragglers that stalked the weeds and bushes, but for the most part night was  a lethargic man. So lazy perhaps that he had become contagious. Maybe that was why everyone got so tired at night. They were just imitating the big dark that was setting the example.

Lord I've gone crazy, Reid thought, babbling about nonsense.

At first light when the tendrils of the sun's rays spread about the sky like slow-growing plants it was Autumn's turn for watch. He patted her arm gently as if afraid to wake her.

“Hey, s'your turn now,” Reid stifled a yawn with his fist and watched as Autumn brushed the sleep from her eyes.

“ 'Kay,” she grumbled. The sleep and mild dehydration had made her voice hoarse. She cleared her throat. Reid needed to refill the water stocks, he realized. He had forgotten to do so yesterday. Why hadn't she reminded him? She almost always kept better track than him at those things. 'Daddy, you forgot the water,' 'Daddy you left that fur hanging over there.” For a man with a simple life Reid was surprisingly forgetful sometimes. He frowned knowing that her morale was worsening. Only during the worst bouts of strife did she act this way. They needed to make a change, and soon.

Thin brush and pine needles were crushing under his ragged shoes as he descended down the shallow slope of the grassy clearing towards the creek. The tall spindly trees reached up far into the sky and it looked to Reid as if the land were trying to brush its fingers through the wandering clouds. He met the treeline and passed through it quickly, one target in mind. His feet, now bare after stripping the old shoes off, crushed leaves, pine needles and twigs alike as he made his way from the edge of the treeline to the rising steam of the hot springs.

The briskness of an early Idahoan morning brought a low fog to the surrounding mountaintops and gave the air a thinness that felt light, almost empty. Though the veil that hung before him was thick he could hear the creek quietly churn from over the edge of the sharply crested hill that pushed it out of sight. Reid emerged from the thick low shrubbery and walked along the dirt trail that circled down to the edge of the creek. The going was slow since the footing was treacherous on the small winding path. It was no more than twenty yards long but it was steep and the dirt was dry and loose. If he misplaced a step here he would twist an ankle and would be unable to work for weeks. That might kill them both.

Once the path led to the creek bed it panned out and led way to the loose rock that lay around the now shallow water. Some ten feet from the actual creek was a small half circle of neatly stacked stones. People from long ago had discovered the hot water that was pouring out through a crevice, no bigger than Reid's forearm, and massed a little dam below it. The miniature rock wall kept in the nice, hot water and made a natural jacuzzi. It was one of the few pleasures that he and Autumn could enjoy in this vast wilderness where they were more alone than he cared to think about.

Thanks to the view of the spring being blocked from the cave, Reid didn't mind stripping naked to soak for a while. He tossed his clothes aside gingerly towards a dry spot and dipped a toe in the water. Today the water was almost too hot and though the man felt as though he may be boiled alive he decided to jump straight in. When the water settled back to the crystal clear and steamy stress reliever that it had been, Reid soaked. Intense heat delved deep into his muscles and he felt his tension slowly drip from his body like a saline IV. He knew better than to fall asleep when the water was this hot but he closed his eyes and daydreamed of more fruitful days.

While the heat was overwhelmingly relaxing it was also too much for him. Calming radiance made way for painful cooking and the man decided he was no lobster fit for boiling. Rays of light from the sun seemed lukewarm to his skin after the soak but it did well for him to lay on the riverbank naked to dry. All he could hope was that his daughter didn't see him down here. Reid dreaded getting back up but he knew there was not much time for resting these days. Too many errands and not enough sleep, he thought ruefully.

The creek seemed to miss him when he dressed and left. It quieted as he clambered over the rocky slope to the top of the hill. More like I'm further from it. He shook his head at the sorry state of his thoughts. Maybe he was just tired but it seemed like his thoughts were growing more and more simple with each passing day. Complex problems were becoming labyrinthine and almost indecipherable. Simple sentences were taking over the majority of the thoughts that ran through his brain and even worse were his thoughts on anything that didn't involve food. The lack of nutrition around here for them was astounding when he considered the sheer lushness of the wildlife. He left the blame to lack of proper equipment or experience, he couldn't decide which, and moved from the thought.

His day worsened when a sudden rainstorm fell upon the valley. It was hidden by the fog and the clouds had seemed no heavier than they had been. Nothing changed visually but he heard the sheets begin to fall on the grass and trees even over the rushing creek. The fat drops seemed to come down faster than he had seen in a while and they soaked him and all the land around him in a few seconds. He had been working on setting up new small game traps and checking the creek's nets when it came. All that he had been doing had to be canceled in favor of being dry.

The nets were some ways up river so he hadn't heard Autumn over the rain. When he got close he could hear her calling out to him, though not overly desperately. A crack of thunder rocked his chest and rumbled low over the land like a mighty wave. His feet started to quicken to a jog as he tried to rush getting back to his daughter but he couldn't summon the energy. He slowed back to walk and met his girl at the entrance to their shelter. She was bone dry he saw, envious.

“What's the matter?” He asked as he ducked his head under the low hanging rock that created a generous overhang from the front of the cave.

She shifted her weight from her knees to her butt as she sat back down from her kneeling spot, “It's ... nothin', I just wanted you to come back is all.”

Reid chuckled and kissed Autumn on the head as he crawled past her towards the sleeping bags. If he wasn't going to be working today he would at least get some rest. He couldn't do it in these sopping wet rags, though.

“Hey don't look back here 'less you wanna see your daddy's big ole butt,” he called back to her.

She laughed, “No problems there.”

Once free of the bonds of wet clothes he hung them up on an especially jagged rock face to drip dry. He slid his legs into the bag and relished the feel of the slick satin-y fabric on his bare skin. The rain pattered relentlessly against the earth and the lull of it made Reid actually look forward to sleep. Back when he lived in civilization he actually slept best during a heavy storm, maybe it would work the same here. The rest of his body followed his legs and only his head remained free. His eyelids slowly worked their way closed and he felt his body melt as it readied for sleep.

A tiny voice spoke over the rain, “You ever think dyin' might not be so bad?”

Reid felt a cold chill run over the course of his body. He sat up causing his bag to unzip loudly, “Say what?”

Autumn had been turned away from him with her solemn face turned towards the falling rain. She started when he spoke, not expecting an answer from him. The girl glanced back to him then averted nervous eyes back outside, “It's nothin'.”

Frustration washed over Reid for a split second, “You know damn well it ain't nothing wrong with you, girl.”

His harsh tone seemed to fluster her, “I-I know, but …” She curled her knees to her chest and he could hear her whimper. Reid felt his frustration ebb away and his body softened noticeably with guilt. After Reid had put on a dry pair of shorts on he edged away from his sleeping bag, “I'm sorry, honey, but you gotta tell me if somethin's wrong. How'm'I supposed to help if I don't know what's buggin' you?”

She didn't say anything for a few seconds, “I wanna go home.”

Me too, “You know we can't do that,” Reid put an arm around her and frowned.

Autumn pushed him away and spun around to look at him fiercely, “Why not? I'm sick of this cave! I'm so hungry … all the time, hungry. We ate better when Mo--”

The man stiffened, “Don't you go down this road, Hope,” as soon as that name left his mouth he cringed; it was a grievous mistake.

Her eyes watered and she fell silent. With a single fluid motion she turned from him and he watched the tears pour down her face. Why? Why did he have to call her Hope? Of all the things to say...

“Look, darlin', I'm sorry,” a stiff hand wiped the moisture from his eyes, “We'll leave soon, I swear.”

Contemptuous eyes glared at him from the girl's face but she weakened her resolve a little, “You always say that.”

“We'll check the traps after this rain and leave first thing tomorrow.”

“Where?”

He snickered, “Somewhere else in this empty-a*s state, I guess.”

The girl was wary at first but when she smiled and nodded Reid returned the gesture, “You promise?”

“Cross my heart.”

She hugged him, “You better.”

When they both fell to silence Reid took his leave back to the end of the cave where he would sleep. Over his head hung the decorations that Autumn had so painstakingly put together from all the vegetation. Across the rocky surfaces of the ceiling were long interwoven braids of grass and tall weeds she had collected over a period of a few months. She liked to use the more floral plants for the outer parts so it looked like the roof was covered in natural streamers of white and red petals. An image in his head flashed of her room when she was just a child, decorated in real white and red ribbons he had found in the wreckage of another Montanan town.

The man closed his eyes and found himself falling to the blackness of sleep more quickly than he had anticipated. The dreams he had were dark, formless, and angry as he slowly fell deeper. Black fog rose from his mind and he sat on the precipice of a deep pit whose depth was beyond countenance. Fearful at first, he found himself thinking happy things almost desperately. Emma came from the air like a mist in an almost phantasmal manner. He was recalling a particular memory of her as she sat swinging her feet to and fro in joy as she laughed at something silly he had done. To great dismay he discovered that they were sitting upon thin sand and with every swing of her legs the pair slid further down towards the forever dark. He went to stand and a panicked hand jutted from him to warn her but he slipped in the slippery sand. This caused her to thrash about in a hysterical fit of laughter. No! Stop being happy! We'll fall! His feet caught solid ground and he watched as Emma rolled on the shifting sand in blissful ignorance. Reid barely kept from hurling himself to her in a meager attempt to save her as she crested the edge. Hope. When he lay on his belly to peer over the edge her smile flashed in his eyes as she tumbled down, down, down to the blackness and was swallowed up.

Sharp air sucked into his body as he woke in a cold sweat. The still-heavy eyelids fluttered open and he found himself in the darkness of the cave again. He brushed a white petal from his face where it had landed from its place on the ceiling. To his dismay a stiff back greeted him coldly as he sat up from his spot. After groaning he blinked a few times and saw that it was dark outside of the cave. Reid muttered to himself about irresponsibility and quickly stood despite his stiff body. Darkness slept upon the walls like an unwelcome guest, drinking up their comfort and signaling to the man that the fire was dead. Had Autumn not tended to the fire once the sun went down?

She was not at her place at the entrance he realized with a dark pang of fear in his gut. Only a pair of ragged khaki hiking pants were pulled on as he ran to the clearing. Fruitless cries for his daughter rang out from him. No one answered him. When the despair grabbed him taut around his neck he stepped through the trees and checked for the tracks she may have left in the fresh mud. Nothing. He strained his eyes frantically towards the creek and its rushing torrents of water. Nothing there, either. The poor man didn't find anything until he peeked his head over the edge of the incline that led to the hot springs.

There she was, serene and calm as ever, resting in the steaming pools. He noted how the mist wrapped her ever so gently like some warm blanket to keep her safe in the tremulous night. Wet black hair gripped her head and neck closely and gave her a sleek, almost feline appearance. A laugh almost came to his lips as he realized that she was getting to look almost identical to her mother. The same pouty lips, narrow hazel eyes that hinted at nothing and a posture that spoke measures of strength and struggle. A strange emotion of pride hit him until he remembered his dream. Then it was nothing but the deep rooted pain that always brought itself to rear when he was feeling low.

Despite the implications a smile met his face when Reid realized that she was sleeping. With her head against a rock and shoulders slumped deep into the water she snored softly. The smile stayed as he edged down the hill and made towards the rising fog. Gently he tapped her on the head and she stirred quickly, almost panicked. He calmed her with his voice and she turned to look at him with sleep-swollen eyes. He offered to her a hand which she took and exited the pool. The man averted his eyes and handed her the clothes that she had eagerly thrown aside to make way to the soothing waters. When she was dressed and ready to head back Reid pulled her up with his hand.

The walk back was quiet and the two stepped lightly on the ground as if it were made of eggshell. Strong hands pulled the shrubbery aside when Reid stepped in front of his daughter. Once Autumn was clear of it he followed her. Low mist floated above the ground the lay over it lazily, almost sleepily. Vegetation was still wet with rainwater and it shined in the moonlight when they entered the clearing. As they crossed it slowly, the wind died down and the animals, bugs and (seemingly) the creek with it. At first the calm made Reid feel warm and comforted. It wasn't until a few seconds later that he realized there was something amiss. The woods sat still when he stopped. No swaying, no brushing, no whispering of grass; there was nothing. It was not a momentary silence. Nature seemed to sit in the dark and quell all its noises to make silence purposefully.

The woods were afraid, he realized. Ice touched his spine and he lightly grabbed his daughter to let her know something was wrong. The forest may have been still in his well-loved spells of dulled harmony, but they were never quiet. Too many bugs, nocturnal birds, rodents and the like. A low haze of chirps and squeaks always met his ears when he meditated at the cave entrance. Not now. The quiet was harsh now, with an air of dread. Like the quiet before a storm, or the moment before you pulled the trigger of a gun towards a man, it was dead all round the two of them. Something was there, he knew, something the woods was not comfortable with.

Sensing his thoughts, a shadow slipped from the edge of the treeline into the clearing. It's a man, thought Reid moments before it began to move at them.

Author's Note

Don't be afraid to sling some mud at me. Seriously, if you find anything please let me know.