Death's Inspiration

What do you think an experience in the face of death would be like? this how I'd like for it to go.

   I'm lying here, floating, in a sheet of white nothingness; but still able to hear the distant traffic. The annoying blurred whispers and shouts of people nearby. What are they saying? I try to focus on one voice, but I still cannot make sense of their words. Speak louder. Clearer.  I try to shout out, to communicate to those voices.Why aren't they listening to me?  I Try calling again but my body is heavy, far too heavy.

    However it's warm, and a soft blanket of unwillingness makes it too comfortable to move. I still try though, just a little, to move my fingers. They're heavy, as if a thousand delicate strands of string were woven to the tips, rooting them to the ground. But as time passes they become cold. So are my toes. The cold- it's spreading,  from my legs, through my arms, my torso. Until the cold comes to rest at my heart, one last beat of warmth, until my entire body is cold, and a figure appears.

   He- or what I think is a he, seems familiar. Without a face, no proper clothing but a cloak of shadow to cover himself. I don't know who this is, or what my relations are, but he is important, He is intense. Leaning close- still no eyes, mouth, no shape to identify as a nose. Nothing good can come from knowing this thing. 

   Leave me, I try to speak, but my lips won't form the words. Not yet, it replies, cold and uninterested in my condition. I want to paint you, and your cloak. I whisper in what I know is my last breath, my last bold move to reach out to this wisp of a ghost. "I have no cloak" are the last words I hear from this figure, This parting gift it left me, Words for me to paint a picture, at wherever I'm going next.

Reviews

[Carol Cashes]

"...a soft blanket of unwillingness makes it too comfortable to move." That is brilliant. But after saying it's warm, then you speak of the cold (your fingers) without really transitioning to that state. That said, it's not sad, as you would expect death to be, but, instead, the narrative is almost clinical, with bouts of poetic observations. I liked it.

[Noemi]

I'm glad you liked it. This review was so constructive, it definitely helped me see this through the eyes of the reader, Thank you!

[Isemay]

I really like this one.

I do have to say that one big chunk of text containing dialogue kind of bothers me. Breaking it up some would be easy to do and I think could only improve it.

[Noemi]

Thank you, I'm so glad you liked this. breaking it up would definitely make it easier to read, great suggestion!