Imprisioned

 

I wish I could draw emotions. I wish I could paint the window to my soul on glass.

 

Stand behind the glass and let the people walk by. Look at the clear face behind it and realize there is something wrong. Look through the glass and see through the window to her frail face sewn together over and over again. She’s coming apart at the seams again. The thing that embodies her heart is frayed, bleeding at the edges. Can you see the loneliness in her black tears? Oppressed emotion fogging up the glass like a shadow, structure vanishing behind that existence?

 

When you watch her lay on wet ground under the streetlamp in night, can you tell she is the only darkness there? Her suicidal begging has already left her, and behind is her confined existence in someone she loathes to be.

 

If I could draw emotions. If I could tell you how I feel. If I could.

 

The fine pen drips ink, spreading like exploding stars along the page. The sketched figure is curled, knees against her chest, arms around her legs pulled in, head resting on her drawn up knees. The ink is splattered around her, splays of jagged lighting and beating rain against the walls. All around her is the twisted incarnation of intricate pains. I don’t cry out for you, I send you away. Leave me. Leave me. The silence of madness cankers the erratic heart. It’s a manic, silent, screeching thing crawling in her chest under the pain of the seams slowly pulled apart.

 

Look through the glass. Place a hand on the translucent shadow. Pull me out.

Reviews

[Sseoni]

Wow, that was great! You sure do have a way with words! I loved it! It was so detailed and descriptive! It was amazing! Great job!

[LaineyBeetle]

To me this story reads as though a tortured soul is struggling to understand her pain and reaching out to anyone who will notice her to save her. Being behind the glass indicates to me that she is suffering in silence while people just walk past paying no attention to her. When you speak of her being confined in someone she loathes to be I think of someone who has made mistakes that they are not proud of and cannot seem to escape their past - ashamed of who they have become and wanting so badly to be able to change. Is this what you were trying to convey to the reader? Please correct me if I am wrong. I didn't quite get it the first time so I had to read it a couple of times over to decide what the message was. If it wasn't a good piece of writing I would not have bothered to spend that much time on it. I think you have done a great job here. Keep up the good work!

[Pikachu]

Wow so much imagery in this piece its like painting with words amazing good job.

[Rainbow Rider]

Wow, very thought provoking. Your pen is like a brush painting a picture for the reader in so few words. If I may though, I noticed two minor things that didn't seem right.

"When you watch her lay on wet ground under the streetlamp in night," In this line, the ending feels wrong. I think either the "in" should be an 'AT', or the word 'THE' added between "in night".


"The fine pen dips ink, spreading like exploding stars along the page." And here, Did you want to say "dips"? It feels like you wanted to say 'DRIPS', with the words that follow it.

Just my observations. This is a powerful piece though.