An Eternity at Dawn

              I thought that today was going to be better. I really did. The sky was robins-egg blue, and the sun rose steadily over the horizon, uninterrupted by clouds. We were on the rooftop, snuggled in against the woolen blankets, watching as the stars were replaced by rosy sunlight. His arm was warm around my body, so slight in compared to his strong, muscular form. I curled up into him, willing the sun to stay in it's place -- just a few feet above the horizon, not an inch higher or lower, not quite day, but not dark enough to be night, either.

            He was watching me. His brow was furrowed into that adorable expression which I had grown to recognize as a sign that he was attempting to read my thoughts. I closed my eyes and drew in a breath, holding it, trying again to keep the world still in this moment for as long as possible. Forever, maybe. An eternity at dawn.

           Neither of us broke the silence, as we stretched our legs and observed the sun in its perpetual climb upward. Why did everything feel the need to keep moving? To keep striving forward, climbing to the next level? Why couldn't we all be content to live in this beautiful world, surrounded by beautiful people? My antagonistic mind came up with all sorts of answers to that question, but none of them satisfied me. I leaned against him, this time trying not to think, just to feel.

          "We could stay here, you know. Forever." He smiled down at me. So he had been succesful in divining my thoughts, after all.

         "Yes, forever at dawn." I agreed, not really meaning it. The sun would rise to it's peak, eventually, and we would immerse ourselves in our separate daily routines, temporarily forgetting this moment, this peace that we had together. But we would always come back. There would be another night, another sunrise.

         He leaned forward and kissed my lips. "Shall we see what the day brings?" He asked with a dazzling smile. "Or shall we stay here and watch it pass from the rooftop?"

        Of course, he knew what I would answer. We both knew. We could not stay here forever. "Let's go and see. A new day will bring new experiences, and then tonight," I added with a mischevious grin, "I can bring them back to share with you. And we can have experiences of our own, of course." The grin widened.

         He stood up and offered me his hand. It encompassed my slender, pale one, easily, and he pulled me up with seemingly no effort at all. We shared a last kiss, pulled on our clothes, and hurried out the door.

        "I'll be here tonight," He said, "And tomorrow night, and the next. To watch the sunrise with you, I'll be here forever." 

       I squoze his hand tight, then let him go, echoing his words. "Forever."

*    *   *

       The call came as I was sitting in my office chair, high-heeled feet perched on my desk as I pecked rapidly at the keyboard. I took my time answering it, finishing my sentence, and looking over the draft of my article with a hurried appraisal, before picking up the receiver.

        I was only half listening. My mind was on the piece I was writing for the Times. I had just had a breakthrough -- I found my writer's 'voice' and was anxious to get back to work before I lost my train of thought. Random words seemed to catch me as the rather robotic sounding voice on the phone rattled on. Hospital, crash, critical condition.

       Finally, they seemed to penetrate my brain, and a feeling of confusion and anxiety lodged inside my heart.

      "I'm sorry, what?" I finally managed.

      "There's been an accident, he's in the hospital, in critical condition." She replied with impatience and a curious lack of emotion. Oh, no, I thought. No no no, this must be wrong. Not him. There's been a mistake. But panic began to well up inside of me, seizing control of my mind and body, freezing my heart. For a moment, it stopped beating completely.

       "Hello?" The cold, unconcerned voice asked me. I suddenly felt a surge of hatred, deeper than any I had ever felt before, toward that woman whom I did not even know.

       "Where? What hospital? What accident? Give me some useful information, GODDAMN IT!!!" I screamed the last part through the phone at her.

       She answered my questions, seemingly unfazed by my outburst. Then there was a pause. "I'm sorry, I've just had an update, his condition..." She paused, evidently listening to someone speaking on the other end. "I'm afraid he didn't make it. I'm so sorry." Her voice was mechanical. She sure as hell didn't sound sorry.

       I slammed the phone down hard enough to smash both the device and the receiver to pieces. In a blind rage (against whom or what, I wasn't sure) I slammed my fist into the computer, bashing in the screen. By now, the entire office was staring. I continued my rampage, smashing lamps, kicking chairs over, tearing paintings off the walls. Every vein inside me pulsed with a fragile sort of agony that was and was not pain. I felt at once extremely breakable and indestructable. I wanted to break so badly, to shatter into pieces like the telephone, or the computer, so that the anguish would go away. My head spun, and to my immense relief, the world wink out around me, and I was enveloped in welcoming blackness.

*    *    *

       I carried the urn to the rooftop, climbing out the window, and into the brilliant sunrise. The stars were fading, and the sun was steadily rising. Nothing could stop it. The sun would continue to rise and set, and days would pass, barely knowing that he was gone. They wouldn't notice that I was gone, either. But we, he and I, could have our eternal dawn.

      "Forever. Just like you said." I whispered into the ever-brightening sky. The rope felt coarse between my fingers. I tied and secured the knots more times than necessary, running my fingers over the rough material with a serene, glassy eyed, absent-mindedness.

       The urn still in my hands, the rope slung around my neck, I jumped.

       "Let's not see what this day brings, ok?" I asked him as  the breath slowly left my lungs. "Let's stay caught in suspension, here at dawn. Like we should have done yesterday. Forever."

       I felt his presence draw nearer to me as the light left my eyes. His arms enveloped me, and my heavy lids closed in absolute tranquillity.

        When I opened them again, it was still dawn. He was by my side.

Reviews

[Ferg]

Wow is right! This is an amazing story you have written. I was hooked from the beginning to the poignant ending. You have great writing skills! Thank you for sharing your talent with us here.
The only correction I would make is to change the "squoze" to "squeezed". I don't believe squoze is a proper word. But save for that small detail, the story was beautiful and engaging.

[Tim H]

Wow! Great story, powerful writing. Sends the reader on a roller coaster. Great imagery as well. I enjoyed it very much.