In The Life of Chloe

A story of a series of events which happen in Chloe's life.

I often ask my self why I am still here.

Constant bags under my eyes, practically dying from extreme exhaustion and loosing my hair. Why do this if it is causing so much pain? I don’t know I keep saying this as I am yet to find my destiny, my true and pure happiness.

You see I am full of it. When will I be happy were I can wake up glad that I am alive.

You see I just don’t understand how people love to live, how they manage every single day. When I just cant.

I want to die. I am sick of life and constant bullshit.

Bullshit of people constantly yelling, fighting, bitching and calling people names.

When im still fighting a battle in my head.

 

It was the start of 2015, I was grade 9 and one of my best friends came up to me and said all enthusiastic “ HEY!! Guess what we are in the same class”.

What a lie I thought to myself, as I was yet to find out that the ‘best friend’ of mine would soon become my enemy.

I guess soon everyone will be too.

 

I was in the pool all I could hear was my coaches voice in my head, constantly yelling at me over and over again.

Every single thing I did.

How could you ever make someone feel fat, indifferent and most of all unworthy to be on this earth?

The voice haunts me every day

Its written all over the walls everywhere I go everywhere I see

And thanks to her all I can think about is suicide

Suicide.

all the time.

Sometimes I don’t want to come up for air

All I want to do is drown in my sorrows

But there is always something and someone pulling me up.

And I am yet to find out what that someone or something is, and one thing I know for sure is that is sure as hell aint’ my coaches, it isn’t my family and definitely not my friends.

Who is there for me when I need them most

No one can and will ever know when something is wrong.

 

And at home, don’t even get me started

“you dress like a s**t, you are a tramp, I cant stand to be with you, to be near you, you’re an embarrassment, I hate you, I wish you weren’t here, you’re a cow, s**t, stupid, dumb, unworthy, handicapped. And worst of all you deserve nothing.

Its all fights. And putting me down

 

I cant stand school anymore.

most days I just want to wag.

I don’t care anymore

Not about me, school training even my life

when I go there all I feel is judged and hated. I have to try not to break down.

 

 

I just can’t do anything anymore

I’m done.