Comatose

me being bored, reading random stuff, getting random ideas, tripping a bit in between. i got the idea for this poem from comatose by skillet. please dont sue me, i took two words.

My mind is blank in it all

the world around me fabricates a screen

woven out of my imagination

blank, bare, empty,

and clean.

An ironic opposite of my life,

mocking me with its simplicity

when all i do is scream in rage.

im in a

comatose

breathing through my overdose

brought on by lifelong tragedy

now im here to stay

Reviews

[Celtic Cat]

don't know what skillet did with this.... but I do like your version. Unfortunately, glaring at me in the end is the use of the word comatose as a verb when it's an adjective. Yes, I had to look it up to make sure I'm not crazy. I'd suggest changing that up a bit cuz it takes away the huge impact the word should have. in my state of comatose... my mind is comatose .. even, I don't know, your piece, ignore me if you want!! Otherwise...
Love the paradoxes and punches, and the second line/third line are great, the ending kicks in the gut. Excellent write!!

I like it, it's pretty good and somewhat upsetting but also opens our eyes up. Pretty good overall :)

[TheKaylaPup]

Awesome. I hope they don't sue you, I like it.