chapter 1, The vision

 She jumped up on the leaf and started running, "bet you cant beat me!" she taunted. "Can too!" yelled her brother, alike in every detail except a few. They had the same hair, same eyes, and the same face. Only there clothes were different. Suddenly her brother jumped up and started flying. "Hey no cheating!" the older yelled indignantly. Her brother just laughed. Watching him, she decided to fly too, it had been awhile since she had last flown.

Just then the wind changed, bringing her the sounds of a battle long forgotten. She paused in midair, suspended as if by strings. In her mind she had a vision of a battle. There were warriors on every inch of ground, some fighting and some down. It seemed to be a war between the vampires and the fairies, yet even though the battle was clear in her mind, she could not tell who was winning. Just then she caught sight of a young vampire. His face was beautiful, with pure black hair that flopped over his eyes. I couldn't tell the color of them, yet i knew they would too be beautiful. She pulled her eyes away and immediately saw the fairy crone. I could tell it was her, if only because she was the oldest fairy there, but my heart plummeted when i saw what had happened. The fairy crone was lying on the ground, a great wound on her chest. But still she fought on, bravely finishing one last spell before it was over. There was a brilliant burst of light that came from her, and when it cleared everything was held in place. The crone could not kill them, so she made them freeze where they were. She gave one last shuddering breath and was still.

The vision started to fade. "NO!" She thought. "Dont go! I want to help you!". But her words never left her mouth. When she came to she found she was on the ground, her brother standing over her. He shook her screaming, "Sarah! Sarah, wake up!". Wake up? she thought. I am awake, I never went to sleep. She tried to speak to her brother, but found she had no voice. What's wrong with me! She wondered in panic. She sat up and tried to get her brother to stop screaming. She put her finger to his lips and quieted him. He gazed at her releived. "Come on Sarah! The crones will wonder were we are. And we have to get you to the healer" He jumped up and waited for her to do the same. "Lets get back to the village" he suggested again. Sarah nodded her head in agreement.

Walking back to the villiage she wondered what had happened to the vampire boy. Was he still there. I haven't heard of a war between the vampires and the fairies. If there had been it would be in our histories. She continued to ponder as she pushed through the vines that made the entrance to her home. I'll go see the elders later, she thought, curling up on her cot. She slowly fell asleep, the dark haired boy in her mind.

~

When she woke up the only thing she saw was darkness. Am i going blind too? She thought. But she could see a crack of light. She tiptoed over to the crack, and what she saw shocked her. "really mute?" she heard one person finish, "Yes, she is, and you know what this means right?", "What will we do?" This voice she recognized, it was the village crone. What could be going on that they needed her for. Crone Wirthal was only called upon for serious matters. "If the prophecies are true then there isn't much we can do" Answered another. What prophecies?, Sarah wondered. "But the real question is, how do we tell her" It was the crone again. "do we just go up and tell her that she will decide between the vampires and the fairies? This war has been going on far too long to make decisions lightly" At these words Sarah gasped, which proved to be her fatal mistake. The fairy elders leaped up at the sudden noise and started towards her. "She heard," murmured the crone.

Sarah sat in silence inside the warm tent. Above her the elders were in deep conference. Just then one flew down to her, "How much did you hear?" She asked, then remembering her silence corrected herself, "Did you hear about the prophecy?" She noded a yes, "Oh dear, no one besides us is supposed to know about it." The elder fluttered off quickly. A while later all the elders and the crone flew down to her. "We know you cannot answer us, but just nod or shake your head to our questions." the crone said to her. One of the elders started to speak,"If you know about the prophecy then you know what must be done," Sarah shook her head,"You don't know of the prophecy? I guess we should tell you then." The elder sat down and got comfortable."This tale is a long one, and we will need to pay attention to all the details of it. It started sixty years ago, when Wirthal was about your age. The crone at that time was her grandmother, Crone Zana. During the summer a group of vampires over threw their leaders and attacked the village. They were turned away again and again yet they kept on returning. After a few years of attacks the fairies decided to put an end to the attacks. Crone Zana herself led the raid on the vampires. She was killed in the battle, but before she died she created a timeseal." At those words Sarah remembered her vision and started shaking, she knew who the crone that died was now. The crone noticed her shaking,"Child, do you know about this battle" She asked. Sarah could only slowly nod her head. Yes, she knew of this battle. And still all she could think about was the dark haired boy. 

~

 

Two waring races in this world

decided by the voice that has gone silent

visions of battles in voices mind

voice will decide, live or die

 

Reviews

[StoryTailor]

I'm sorry to say that somewhere in the middle you switched your point of view to first person. Other than that it was pretty good. It had a nice plot. In the future you have to stick to one point of view and keep to it. No switching, as it confuses the reader and brings your writing level down. The only time you can switch is when you tell the reader that you have switched. For example. Ange's POV. Normal POV. Understand?

[James Watts]

To make this less confusing, you need to break up into paragraphs. Especially when in dialogue. When two or people are involved you need to start a new paragraph each time a different character speaks.

[Bachman]

Congradulations on being one of the first finalist chosen in The Vampire Erotica writing contest. http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/8693/ I read your entry and was left in suspense. You did very good.

[Jemma]

This is intresting. A battle between vampires and faries. Very intresting. And very well written. This seemed flawless. Nice work. I hope you continue with it.